


maybe i just want to be yours

by hanzo_png



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: AU, Abandonment, Anger, Angst, Blackwatch Genji Shimada, Blackwatch Hanzo Shimada, Blackwatch Jesse McCree, Bonding, Break Up, Breaking Up & Making Up, Denial of Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Exes to Lovers, Fights, First Love, First Time, Growing Up, Hate to Love, Heartbreak, Hurt, M/M, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Young Genji Shimada, Young Hanzo Shimada, Young Jesse McCree, some tags will be relevant later, well....sort of blackwatch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-02-02 00:53:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 52,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12716415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanzo_png/pseuds/hanzo_png
Summary: Hanzo's only priority is doing right by his father and his family, and to remember that even if he leaves home, he and his brother must always remember who they belong to.After he and his brother leave Japan so Genji can help out a covert black-ops organization for a while, Hanzo learns that going home and back to the life he'd grown up knowing might not be so easy...And it's all thanks to Jesse McCree.





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> so, actually...this is the prologue to one of my older fics, one i posted (then deleted) a while back called "long time, no see". i was trying to think of ideas the other day when i realized i didnt exactly do that fic justice. so i took the time to sit down and write out the events that happened leading up to the beginning of that fic. gonna end up adding that whole fic as chapters to this later on...all those tags will come in handy...  
> ALSO: this is a seriously loose take on blackwatch  
> anyways!!! thanks for taking the time to read this, and i hope you all enjoy it!
> 
> note:  
> chapters with sexual stuff = ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) in beginning notes. just in case
> 
> also, find me on Tumblr! wholesomegenji

 

  “I do not like it here, Genji,” Hanzo mutters as they step out of the airport together into the hot June air. They were in some state Hanzo hadn't even known existed before they were on the plane and Genji was telling him about it, and he already strongly disliked it. He frowns and looks around. It was a city, from what he can see in the distance, just like any other city, but it wasn't home. Genji glances at him, hoisting his bag over his shoulder.

  “I never asked you to come with me, brother,” He reminds him calmly as he walks over to greet Gabriel Reyes, his new boss, who was waiting for them. Hanzo sighs and rolls his eyes, following him out after shifting his own bag over his shoulder.

  He looks around some more, taking the new scenery in as they start walking to the car Gabriel came in. “You didn't have to ask,” He murmurs idly, not even sure Genji was listening anymore. “I have to keep an eye on you.” Genji glances back at him after shaking Gabriel's hand, finally paying attention to his older brother again.

  “No you don't. I can get by on my own, Hanzo,” He assures him as Gabriel leads the two of them into the car. Hanzo just sighs, deciding not to argue this right. It was Hanzo's job as the future head of the Shimada clan to keep a careful eye on his younger brother, to make sure he didn't get to distracted by frivolous pursuits. What Genji was doing now was merely an indulgence. They'd have to go home at some point; this wasn't permanent by any means, and Hanzo just hoped Genji remembered that.

  Genji was headstrong and didn't take to persuasion so easily, but he always listened to Hanzo. Hanzo was his wiser older brother after all. He was smart and knew what he was doing and Genji trusted him. He knew that he'd have to go back home and help Hanzo with the family eventually, but for now, he wanted to live his life the way he pleased. And the way he pleased happened to be working with Gabriel Reyes on some vigilante shit in some dusty state Hanzo had never heard the name of.

  Which, in Hanzo's opinion, was fucking stupid of him.

  Gabriel smiles in amusement as the brothers get settled in their seats and their driver starts driving. “Well, now that that little squabble is over, it's nice to have you join us, Genji. From what we saw in Japan we know you'd be a very valuable asset to our team.” He smiles when Genji bows his head a bit. He looks at Hanzo. “And…I assume you're Hanzo, right?” He asks, and Hanzo nods slightly.

  “Yes. I'm only here to make sure Genji stays safe…and that he remembers his priorities,” He says quietly, glancing at Genji, who just rolls his eyes a little bit.

  Gabriel nods slowly. “Were you planning on being a part of the organization, too?” He asks, and when Hanzo just sort of chuckles, he nods, taking that as a no. He figured as much. Hanzo seemed uptight and not readily able to take orders like the job would require. He seemed like the strict leader type, not a follower by any means. Genji sighs, waving a dismissive hand at Hanzo. He focuses his attention back on Gabriel.

  “When do we get started?” He asks him, quite eager to get to work. Gabriel holds up a hand, silently telling him to calm down a bit.

  “Once we get you settled in, and once we introduce you to the rest of the team, we’ll start briefing on missions,” He assures him with a little smile. He admired Genji's eagerness to get to work. He had a feeling he'd be fun to work with.

  His brother, though…well, he had a feeling he might just get in the way.

 

***

 

  The base was really just the biggest building in this little desert town way away from any urban area. Hanzo had expected them to stay in the city, but upon driving for hours and hours only to arrive in the town out in the middle of nowhere, he realizes that definitely isn't the case. Genji can see how miserable Hanzo looks, and it kind of makes him laugh. Hanzo sure would have a great time here, he thinks sarcastically. He hands Hanzo his bag once they step out of the car, and Hanzo just sighs.

  “Did you know about this?” He asks quietly, visibly upset as gestures to the very drab, brown setting around them. Genji smiles, shaking his head.

  “No. But it's very different from home, isn't it, brother?” He asks, getting his bag over his shoulder. Hanzo grimaces as he looks around some more. He hated it. And he knew he'd hate it all the way up until they went home. This was going to be miserable, Hanzo already knew. Gabriel sighs and puts his hands at his hips.

  “Welcome home, boys,” He says with a big smile, leading them inside. Hanzo steps a little quicker to catch up to him.

  “Excuse me, but why are we all the way out here? It's rather barren and…dirty.” He asks, his voice a mumble as Gabriel unlocks the door by swiping a keycard, opening it for them. Gabriel smirks a bit.

  “Well, having a base away from urban areas lessens the chance that anybody could find us or shut us down. Sure, it's a bit inconvenient driving a long time to deal with things, but it's safer for us this way.” He closes the door behind them, gesturing for them to keep walking. After a quick look around, Hanzo sees that there was actually a decent number of people here, people working at computers, looking at pin boards, or just kind of chilling with case files. Hanzo is actually surprised it was more than just Gabriel working here…

  “Smart. Our home is in the middle of our city, makes us a very easy target. Our ancestors weren't very wise I think,” Genji murmurs, looking around the place. Hanzo gasps quietly, scandalized, and he smacks Genji upside the head.

  “Do not say that!” He hisses, glaring when Genji turns around and rubs the back of his head, frowning when Gabriel laughs a little at them.

  “Fine,” Genji mutters, turning back around. He glances at Gabriel, who just shakes his head, amused. These two were sure to be a lovely addition to this organization.

  “Your rooms are up here,” He gestures up the stairs. “You're lucky that most of our recruits live in town rather than here, we don't have to move anyone around to give you two rooms. There's only one other guy who stays here, but he's…an orphan, I guess. Got nowhere else to go, so you know.” He shrugs and leads the two of them up and down a few halls. He pushes open a couple doors. Their rooms are fairly decently sized, and Hanzo is just relieved he gets his own room. If he had to share with Genji the entirety of their time here, he'd lose his mind. “Feel free to get settled in, rest up a little bit. Genji, I'll come get you in a few hours so you can meet the rest of the team. Hanzo…” He points at him, going a bit quiet, unsure of what to really do with him. “Look, to be blunt, you're going to be sitting here doing nothing if you aren't a part of our missions. Your skill is just as great as Genji's. I think you'd fit in here just as well as he can,” He offers, shrugging a little bit.

  Looking at him, Genji nudges him. “It's not forever. And it's something for you to do, too. Isn't it?” He asks quietly, smiling a bit. “Like he said, it's probably better than just sitting around all day…” Hanzo sighs and rolls his eyes. They had a point; sitting around doing nothing all day would take a toll on Hanzo soon enough, maybe it was a good idea to keep himself busy with this.

  “Fine,” He says quietly. “Fine, I'll help out.” Gabriel seems relieved to hear him say that. This just means he won't have to worry about someone babysitting him while they were all gone.

  “Great, good to hear. Alright, so, I'll let you two get settled now, and-” He's interrupted when someone walks out of the room next to Hanzo's. He looks unkempt and tired, his hair all messed up from sleep, his clothes incredibly wrinkled- he wasn't even dressed, actually, still in pajamas, and dirty ones at that. He looks over at the three of them, squinting his eyes a bit as he looks between them all. Well, there were certainly a couple of new faces.

  Hanzo raises an eyebrow, then looks at Gabriel when the man just kind of stands there. “Um…who is- who is that?” He asks quietly when nobody says anything, pointing at him as he looks back at him. The man scoffs, not waiting for Gabriel to answer. Genji can only lean back and grin, completely amused with his brother's reaction to this unruly man. Hanzo liked order, and this man was clearly the embodiment of disarray.

  “The name's McCree,” The man mutters, holding out a hand to Hanzo, who visibly cringes a little bit before shaking his hand, not holding him very hard. He didn't want to touch him any more than he had to.

  “Hanzo,” He says quietly, bowing his head a bit after taking his hand back. This so-called McCree moves to Genji, shaking his hand as well as they get introduced. He's glad this man was less offensive than Hanzo. What a stickler. Gabriel crosses his arms, then clears his throat.

  “Jesse McCree, one of our first recruits, a bit of a deadbeat-”

  “Watch it, Reyes.”

  “-and you two will be seeing a lot of him. So it's best to get acquainted now rather than later, you'll be relying on each other. Be nice.” He looks between the three of them with his eyebrows raised in expectation, pointing at each of them. He then walks back downstairs to let the rest of the crew know what’s going on. Jesse crosses his arms and looks at the brothers, pursing his lips, feeling a bit awkward. Neither Genji nor Hanzo can bring themselves to really say anything to him, both avoiding eye contact with him.

  He whistles lowly after a prolonged moment of silence. “Alrighty, well. Sure was a pleasure to meet the two of ya, but…” He ruffles a hand through his already messy hair when Hanzo and Genji look at him. “I have to go make myself look presentable,” He mutters, stepping away from them. He lets his gaze linger on Hanzo for a split second before he smirks at the two of them and turns to walk back into his room, closing the door.

  Hanzo looks at his brother. “Look what you’ve gotten us into,” He murmurs, an exasperated look crossing his face. “You'd really rather be doing this than helping me get ready for-”

  “Yes, Hanzo,” Genji interrupts him before he can even finish, visibly frustrated. “I've told you many times that what you want isn't what I want. We’re different, brother…” He walks into his room and drips his bag, sighing. Hanzo eyes him before setting his bag down in the other room, his room. Right. Genji didn't want to rule with him.

  It was such a shame.

  Hanzo fully intended to persuade Genji otherwise eventually, though. The brothers take their time getting settled in, mostly because Gabriel said they had a couple hours to do so. Jesse, however, knocks on their door frames after about twenty minutes and lets them know they have to ‘skedaddle’. Both Genji and Hanzo have no idea what that word means, so they both stare at him from their open doorways for a moment before Jesse sighs and rolls his eyes. ”Hurry it up, folks.”

  Genji crosses his arms. “He said we had a couple hours to relax,” He says to Jesse, a little confused. Hanzo looks Jesse over, frowning a bit. Still a bit of a mess…A bit rude, if you asked him. Jesse smirks, shrugging.

  “Mm, yeah, I bet. But he also said to get all acquainted. Best way to do that is to hang out, don't ya think?” He asks them, hands on his hips, a big smile on his face. Genji is about to tell him off until he sees Hanzo's grimace. Oh, this would be a lot more fun now.

  “You know what?” Genji goes over and pats Jesse's shoulder, breaking. “That sounds great, McCree,” He says cheerfully, looking expectantly at his brother.

  Hanzo just shakes his head. “Sorry, but I won't be joining you. I do intend to rest before we have to start any work,” He murmurs quietly, looking at them. Genji whines a bit.

  “Brother, come on, what's the harm?” He pats Jesse's chest. “He seems nice.” Jesse glances at Genji, smiles, then looks back at Hanzo, nodding.

  “Gotta say, I think I'm a pretty nice guy, Hanzo. You'll have fun, the bar in town is really-”

  “No,” Hanzo interrupts impatiently. “I didn't want to be here in the first place,” He snaps, frowning. Genji’s smile fades, and Jesse shifts uncomfortably. “But now that I'm here, I intend to only make sure my brother stays alive and I get work done. I don't have time for you,” He says pointedly at Jesse, who looks surprised when Hanzo says that. Before either man can reply, Hanzo stalks into his room and closes the door.

  They stand there for a moment before Genji breaks the silence. “I'm sorry about him,” He murmurs, stepping back. “He's…tense. He doesn't like relaxing very much.”

  “Seems like it,” Jesse mutters, glancing at the door. “Is he always like that?” He asks, and Genji responds with a reluctant nod as he rubs the back of his neck.

  “Yes. But that…it doesn't matter much. You can still show me around,” He tells him with a reassuring smile, and Jesse gives him a half hearted smile before nodding and leading him downstairs.

  Well…Jesse had a feeling Hanzo would be especially fun to work with.

 

***

 

  To say that Jesse gets the cold shoulder at first would be an understatement. It's more like a frozen shoulder, really, because Hanzo...really wants nothing to do with Jesse, especially the first few days the brothers are there. Jesse tries asking Genji what he did to make Hanzo dislike him, and he was met with the very blunt answer of, “You existed.”

  Jesse is insulted, but he gets it. Hanzo was in a new place with people he didn't know, of course he was gonna get mad. He understood that probably better than some, having been jumping around foster home to foster home before he- mm, no, he wasn't going to think about that now. Instead, he gives Genji a curt nod and gets up to find Hanzo.

  It's a bit late, but Hanzo sits out on one of the balconies around the base, looking out over the dirt covered hills surrounding the town. He had a cigarette in his hand, but he hasn't lit it yet, a bit distracted by his thoughts. He missed Japan. He missed home, he missed the color and the life. Out here, there was…nothing. Nothing besides drab scenery and little to no human interaction outside the base. To add insult to injury, Genji actually _liked_ it here. It was salt in the wound to Hanzo. While he knew he could pack up and leave whenever he wanted, he knew it was more important that he get Genji home safely to ensure the Shimada clan actually had competent leaders once their father died. Genji was a crucial part of this family. And if Hanzo disappointed the elders by letting Genji stay here and abandon the family…he didn't know what could happen.

  He rubs his hands over his face tiredly before grabbing his lighter and putting the cigarette between his lips. The flame is about to touch the end when he hears feet thud against the wood of the balcony floor. He turns to see Jesse standing the doorway. He was dressed down, in simple sweats and a too-big sweater, and Hanzo thinks it's a small improvement from what he was wearing when they first met. He looks away and finishes lighting his cigarette. “Are you just going to stand there?” He asks around the cigarette before taking a drag. Jesse shrugs and sits in the chair next to him.

  “Smokin’s bad for you, you know,” He mumbles teasingly before taking out a pack of his own from his sweater pocket, a smirk on his lips. Hanzo rolls his eyes a bit. Imbecile.

  “Yes, I know. What does it matter to you?” He asks, raising an eyebrow. Jesse shrugs, patting his pockets, then frowning. He then looks at the lighter in Hanzo's hand.

  “Mind if I see that?” He asks, holding out his hand. Hanzo sighs and hands it to him. Jesse lights his cigarette, hands it back, then continues. “Doesn't matter much, I s’pose,” He murmurs, looking up at the sky, at the smoke that's drifting up and away from them. Hanzo doesn't respond to him, closing his eyes, trying to enjoy the gentle breeze of the night. He didn't want to pay much mind to Jesse, but of course he's forced to when Jesse speaks again. “So how’re you likin’ it here?” He looks at Hanzo.

  Sighing, Hanzo shakes his head a bit, running a hand through his hair. “Look, McCree…I don't do this small talk thing. Did Genji send you out here to bother me?” He stands up, and Jesse sits up straighter.

  “No, no, I just- well,” He heaves a sigh, deciding to just tell it to him straight. “We’re on the same team here. We gotta look out for each other. Now, it seems that you don't much like that idea but it's the truth. And I don't like goin’ into this thinkin’ you don't got my back like I got yours. We need to get along, and you bein’ all cold and shit isn't getting along.”

  A bit surprised that he's actually being confronted right now, Hanzo stares at him, slowly and gently leaning back against the railing, just sort of listening to him. When Jesse is finished, Hanzo shrugs one of his shoulders, finishing off his cigarette and stamping it out. “I never said I didn't have your back, McCree,” He murmurs, eyeing him. “Because I do. But that doesn't mean I like you.” He shrugs again, crossing his arms. Jesse frowns, visibly irritated.

  “I don't know what I did to make you dislike me but I'm kinda pissed off with you now. I got feelin’s too, ya know,” He mutters before scoffing and shaking his head. Hanzo’s mouth is set in a hard line as he stiffens up a bit. An unnerving air starts coming from him, and Jesse glances at him. “What?”

  “Do you want to know why I'm upset?” He asks quietly, leaning forward a bit. Jesse sighs impatiently.

  “You know damn well I do,” He mutters, lowkey blowing smoke in Hanzo's face, which makes the other man close his eyes and lean away again.

  “Fine,” He says quietly, stepping away from the balcony. “Genji is enjoying his time here too much. He knows he can't stay, yet he's bonding with you. It's...a useless relationship. You, and your team, are in the way of my brother doing what is right for him and our family.” Jesse stares at him, frowning, upset.

  He doesn't even have anything to say to that. He just gets up, tosses his cigarette off the balcony, then huffs. “Whatever, Hanzo,” He mutters, shaking his head and shoving past Hanzo to head back inside, ignoring Hanzo’s little grunt of frustration. That was the last fuckin’ time he tried to be Hanzo's friend, if that was how he was gonna act.

  What a dick.


	2. Chapter 2

  The practice range in the back of the building wasn't exactly the training area they had back in Japan, but it was  _ something _ . Hanzo does a little bit of exploring in the supply closet tucked away in the corner of the room opposite the weapons rack, where he finds multiple first aid kits, headphones, safety goggles… Nothing he needs. He puts his hands on his hips, a bit frustrated. He turns to go back inside to do some more searching, but Jesse stands in the doorway, preventing him from doing so. 

  “Hey there,” He murmurs, crossing his arms. “What’re you snoopin’ around for?” He asks, and Hanzo just stares at him. 

  “I don't see how that's any of your business,” He tells him firmly. Jesse raises an eyebrow, but he’s not really sure why he’s surprised by his attitude. 

  “Sure,” He says with a shrug, stepping into the room. “But I could probably help ya out, depending on what it is you're lookin’ for.” He smiles a bit, and Hanzo’s shoulders slump a little bit, as if he hadn't actually wanted to ask anyone for help.

  Hanzo sighs and crosses his arms, looking anywhere but at Jesse. “I'm looking for a…for a bow,” He mutters, just a little embarrassed about it. Confused, Jesse stands up a bit straighter. 

  “What on earth do ya need a bow for?” He asks, looking him over. “There's nothin’ you can really hunt around here, I reckon.” Hanzo heaves an exasperated sigh, rolling his eyes. 

  “Not for hunting. It was my weapon of choice, back home,” He explains, looking a bit impatient. “My brother is a swordsman. I'm a bowman.”

  Jesse nods slowly, pursing his lips. He puts his hands on his hips and sighs. While he didn’t exactly want to help Hanzo any more than he needed to, and while he wanted to be just as stubborn as Hanzo was, it wasn’t in Jesse’s makeup to really dislike someone. He was a friendly guy, he couldn’t help it. So he’s gonna try again to get on Hanzo’s good side. “Well, I can't say that I know we have any, because I don't think so. I'd be willin’ to help ya look, though.” He tips his hat- Hanzo thinks it's a fucking ridiculous hat -and offers a smile, to which Hanzo sighs. 

  “Fine, fine.” He follows Jesse inside to look. “I only need one if you want me to be even a little helpful during missions,” He says quietly as Jesse leads him to the base’s garage. Jesse glances over his shoulder at him. 

  “Really?” He asks, smirking. “What, can't handle a gun?”

  Hanzo sighs. “I'm terrible with firearms,” He says quietly, shaking his head, a bit forlorn. Amused, Jesse smiles.

  “You are? That’s kinda funny, Genji told me a thing or two about your family, where ya come from, and you can’t shoot a gun?” He asks, and Hanzo scoffs, shaking his head and crossing his arms.

  He frowns a bit. “Well, did he tell you he isn't any better than I am?” He accuses, glaring at him a bit. “In fact, he just might be worse.” He turns up his nose, and Jesse just rolls his eyes, beginning to look through the piles of old equipment they had stacked up in the garage. It was only used for storage now, since they added a nice, newer garage big enough for both of their vans. 

  “Sure, Hanzo,” He murmurs, walking around, still searching. Hanzo looks around a bit before picking out a corner of the garage and starting to look. He didn't have much hope, considering the type of people Blackwatch were. All tactical weapons and machinery, none of what Hanzo was used to. 

  After an hour or so of quiet, fruitless searching and digging around, Hanzo shakes his head. “Nothing.” He sighs quietly and runs a hand through his hair. Jesse can only offer him a shrug. 

  “Told ya. Why don't you ask Gabe? He could probably get one for ya before we start the real big missions,” He suggests, smiling a bit before turning around and looking a little more, opening up a box or two. Hanzo nods slightly. 

  “Fine. I don't know what I was thinking-” 

  “Hey, wait!” Jesse shouts suddenly, laughing. He holds something up in what Hanzo thinks is victory based on the way he thrusts his fist into the air, a huge grin on his face. Hanzo eyes the item he just held up, then grimaces.

  “McCree, you can't be serious,” He mumbles, looking exasperated and tired. “A  _ crossbow _ ?” 

  Jesse nods excitedly, holding it out. “A crossbow! We had a big ol’ Halloween party last year, and this was part of my costume. Maybe you could use this?” The grimace doesn't wipe from Hanzo's face. In fact, it might worsen. 

  “You want me to use a prop to defend us?” He asks, voice tinted with disbelief. Jesse laughs, urging him to take it from him. Hanzo huffs and takes it from him, turning the thing over in his hands and inspecting it

  “Ain't a prop, it actually works.” He turns away again, the produces a couple arrows. “Here.” He holds them out as well, and Hanzo raises an eyebrow.

  “Where did you even get this?” He asks, taking them. “Wait- what were you for Halloween?” He seems bewildered by this entire situation. Jesse smiles. 

  “I was a monster hunter- ya know, a Van Helsing sorta thing,” He explains. “I actually went to this hunting store in the city, because, ya know, monster hunter. I thought it'd be funny if they actually had-”

  “Alright, McCree, I get it,” Hanzo says quietly, holding up a hand to silence him. Jesse's smile fades, and he goes quiet. “I don't know how to use this.” He looks at Jesse, who can only offer another shrug. 

  He takes it back from him, then sets it back in the box. “Oh well. Guess we’ll go talk with Gabe then.” He closes the box, then gestures for Hanzo to follow him out. Jesse shakes his head to himself a bit. Hanzo still wasn't really crazy about him, and it was getting a bit frustrating.

  It's been a week or so now, and Hanzo still won't even refer to him on a first name basis. He's sure he hasn't even seen Hanzo smile yet, and he was starting to wonder if he was capable of it. Hanzo was clearly a tough nut to crack, and while Jesse was usually a patient man, Hanzo was really testing that. He tried being nice, and helping him, but clearly that wasn't enough. 

  He wasn't totally sure what else he could do. 

 

***

 

  It felt so good to have a bow back in his hands again. Gabriel had gotten him a pretty good bow after he and Jesse had asked, and he was so relieved he had a weapon he knew how to work with. He'd set up his own little target range outside behind the base, and had been there all afternoon the day he got it, acquainting himself with the new weapon. It wasn't like his bow at home; it was newer, a bit heavier and a little differently shaped, but nothing he couldn't work with. 

  Genji is sitting outside, just watching Hanzo shoot the targets, having nothing better to do after finishing up his own training. Genji's combat was much more close, so most of his training was sparring with the other agents in the workout room inside. He enjoyed watching Hanzo work, because he was really, really good at what he did. It was almost like motivation to do better too. He's talking idly about something that happened during his own training when he's interrupted by Jesse walking outside. He glances up and over at him from where he sits a few feet away from Hanzo. “Hey,” He calls out, waving a bit. 

  Hanzo glances over, then rolls his eyes a bit as he loosens his bow, holding it lower. “What are you doing here?” He asks impatiently, and Jesse sneers a bit. 

  “Last I checked I was here before you even showed up,” He grumbles, crossing his arms with a little huff. “Just came to see how you were likin’ your bow.” Hanzo glances at the bow in his hand, then at Jesse.

  “Very much,” He says quietly before taking an arrow from the quiver strapped to his back. He doesn't say anything else as he turns away from Jesse to get back to practicing. Genji smiles sweetly at Jesse, getting to his feet. He walks over to him, pats his shoulder, then leans in.

  “Good luck,” He whispers in his ear before ducking inside, leaving Hanzo and Jesse alone. Jesse sighs quietly, leaning against the wall. Well, he'd give this another shot. What the hell. 

  Hanzo doesn't seem to care that Jesse is just standing there and watching him, mostly because he's so focused on hitting exactly where he wants on the targets. He's hitting bullseyes every single time, and Jesse has to admit that he's really amazed. “I gotta say,” He murmurs, getting up from the wall and walking towards Hanzo. “That's pretty awesome.” Hanzo just gives a grunt of acknowledgment, not looking at him as he draws the bow again, his hands steady, his eye directly on the mark. He lets it fly, and it hits one of the arrows already in the target, splitting it right through the middle. Jesse laughs, clapping his hands excitedly. “Well, I'll be Goddamned, Hanzo, that's amazing!”

  Hanzo drops his bow a bit, looking at Jesse. “It is, isn't it?” He agrees quietly before pulling the bow over himself, turning away from Jesse again. Ah, yes. Another cold response. Jesse's smile fades a bit, and he nods. 

  He stands there awkwardly for a moment before he rubs the back of his neck. He doesn't know what to say. Hanzo really didn't like him, and he wish he understood the extent of why. He gets that it's because Genji likes him (it wasn't exactly his fault, though), and that they have responsibilities back home, but why put so much energy into disliking him? It didn't make much sense to him, and it kind of hurt. He takes a breath. “So we got our first big mission tomorrow,” He mentions after clearing his throat, voice a bit quiet. 

  Hanzo gives him a nod. “Gabriel told me already. It'll be nice to get out and do something.” He shrugs a bit, putting his hands in the pockets of his jeans. He and Genji had been stuck at the base since they got here, and Hanzo was going a bit stir crazy. He wasn't thrilled about being dragged along on missions (he didn't want to be here in the first place), but it was something to do, and it would keep his mind and body busy enough that he didn't lose his mind. 

  Jesse smiles slightly. “Ya sure you got my back, Hanzo? I wanna be able to trust you. I know you don't like me and all, but I actually enjoy bein’ alive, so…”

  Hanzo scoffs, rolling his eyes. “I'm not that much of an asshole,” He murmurs, looking at Jesse with an exasperated look. “I wouldn't let you die…on purpose.” He starts walking past him, and Jesse turns his head to watch him before following him inside. 

  He presses a hand to his heart. “Why, I'm flattered you wouldn't purposely let me die, that sure does mean a lot to me, Hanzo.” He murmurs, both jokingly and seriously. And I gotta say the same goes for you. You're not purposely dyin’ on my watch, no sir.”

  Hanzo’s lips twitch a bit, and he's glad Jesse is behind him so he can't see. He clears his throat a bit, swiping his hand over his mouth to try and wipe the smile from it. “I appreciate that, McCree. Truly.” He's got the same joking/serious tone Jesse held, and it makes Jesse smile. Maybe he was finally getting through. 

  “Not a problem.” He throws an arm around Hanzo's shoulders, careful of the bow, and pulls him close, making Hanzo grunt. He doesn't move right away though, deciding to humor him just a little. “Glad we're finally gettin’ along,” Jesse tells him with a big smile. 

  “You may believe that we are if you'd like,” Is all Hanzo responds with before he gently nudges Jesse away from him, making the other man pout. “I'm going to rest now. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.” He nods at Jesse once before walking ahead of him and up the stairs to his room. 

  Jesse watches him go, sighing quietly.

  Great. 

 

***

 

  “You know, it'd be a lot easier if you had a gun,” Jesse murmurs into the comm, keeping his position behind a corner in an alley. Everyone was in position, and Hanzo was tasked taking out their target while Jesse and Genji dealt with the henchmen, which, luckily, went smoothly and without the target knowing. Hanzo was expected to take the target out in one hit, which meant he had one chance, and one shot to do this. Hanzo sighs quietly, trying to focus his energy and attention solely on the target. That was what was most important here. Unfortunately, Jesse McCree got in the way, like usual.

  “You underestimate me,” He whispers back, keeping his feet planted firmly on the ground, not moving an inch, his hands steady as he draws his bow when the target walks out of the building they were staking out. Genji hums in agreement from where he sits perched on the rooftop next to Hanzo's. 

  “You do, Jesse. Didn't you watch him practice?” He asks, his voice hushed but laced with amusement. Jesse huffs, and he's about to respond when Gabriel speaks, keeping eyes on the target from the van. He knew the three of them could take care of this, and he would only intervene if they needed it. 

  “Let's just get the job done. Shut up and let him focus,” He instructs them firmly, and both Jesse and Genji stay quiet. “You've got eyes on him, Shimada?” He asks quietly, and Hanzo just grunts quietly in acknowledgment, the head of his arrow carefully following the target. 

  He narrows his eyes a bit, and when the target stops and pauses to look around a corner, Hanzo lets his arrow fly, hitting the target in the back of the head. Jesse lets out a whoop of excitement, and Genji laughs. Hanzo can finally breathe, and he closes his eyes a moment, to try and ignore the adrenaline coursing through him, to calm his quickly beating heart. “Very good, brother,” Genji says through a chuckle, and Hanzo takes a deep breath, nodding a little bit, opening his eyes again. 

  “Yeah, Shimada. You're pretty handy with that bow,” Jesse tells him, looking up at him. He holds up a thumbs up to him, and Hanzo just nods at him in acknowledgment.

  “Retrieve the arrow, McCree. We don't need any evidence left behind,” Hanzo instructs quietly as he starts climbing down the building, quickly followed by Genji. Jesse nods and walks over to the body, places his foot down on his back, and yanks the arrow out. He cringes while doing so, but shit like this wasn't particularly new to him. He shakes off the heebie-jeebies before grabbing the tiny cameras they'd planted to keep eyes on the location. 

  “Don't know why we don't have a clean up crew or nothin’. Whaddya say, Gabe? I think that'd be a fine investment,” Jesse muses idly into the the comm as he walks back to the van. Gabriel rolls his eyes at him when he opens the van door to let them all back in. 

  “You do the job just fine, McCree,” He assures him with a smirk. Jesse just scoffs and hands Hanzo his arrow. 

  “Gee, thanks,” Jesse mutters bitterly, plopping down in his seat. Hanzo and Genji sit down as Gabriel climbs into the driver's seat. 

  He smiles at the three of them through the rear view mirror, choosing to ignore Jesse. “Good work tonight boys, you did good. Hanzo, I'll be honest, I didn't know if you could pull it off, but you did it. Great job.” Hanzo bows his head a bit, and Genji pats Hanzo's shoulder with a smile.

  The ride home is quiet and long, which leaves a lot of time to think. Jesse has his eye on Hanzo quite a bit, just sort of thinking him over. He'd like to hope he might be getting close to cracking Hanzo a bit, but he wasn't counting on it. Even so, he felt that he was starting to get attached, which probably wasn't wise considering the way Hanzo still saw Jesse, which was as an annoying and frankly worthless person. Regardless…seeing Hanzo work tonight, seeing his focus, his skill…it was amazing. Hanzo knew exactly what he was doing and how exactly to do it. Hanzo was someone Jesse wanted to know, inside and out. 

  There was very obviously much to Hanzo that Jesse didn't know, or wasn't allowed to know, but he wanted to. 

  He wanted to know


	3. Chapter 3

  The night was cool, which was a relief from the heat of the day. Hanzo sits out on the balcony, his hair down and flowing softly in the gentle breeze. His face was a bit warm, but that was mostly because he'd been drinking, which was partly why the cold outside was so damn nice. He had a really nice buzz going, and it felt good to have some alcohol in his system; it'd been far too long, in his opinion, since he last had a drink, which was a few days before they left Japan. It's about two weeks that they've been here now, and Hanzo was beginning to get homesick… hence the drinking. He needed it. And after all that he's put up with? He kind of deserves it. 

  He has a few beer bottles on the outdoor table next to him where he sits, all if them empty. It wasn't the best beer, but it was something. His eyes are closed, and he's just enjoying the night until he hears the door slide open and someone step out. He opens his eyes and looks over his shoulder to see Jesse, who has his own bottle in his hand. He raises it to Hanzo, who just turns away again, heaving a sigh. 

  “Why must you insist on bothering me so much?” He asks quietly, his voice a bit rough. “I don't know how you don't understand that I don't wish to be your friend, McCree.” He runs a hand through his hair, sniffling a bit. Jesse shrugs and sits in the chair next to Hanzo's. 

  Setting his bottle down, Jesse looks at Hanzo. “I wanna talk with you. About all of this. I want you to tell me what the hell is goin’ on, Hanzo,” He requests, voice firm and steady. Hanzo is a little surprised, mostly because this doesn't really seem like Jesse. Must be the alcohol…

  “What do you mean?” He asks quietly and calmly, folding his hands in his lap. 

  Jesse rolls his eyes a bit. “With you. Genji. Your family. There's gotta be a reason why you're so- so against  _ everything _ . Where we are, the work we do… fuck, against  _ me _ .” He leans a bit close. “Just tell me.”

  “I don't owe you anything, McCree,” Hanzo mutters, narrowing his eyes a little. “Especially not an explanation about something you have no place in knowing.” He looks away, up at the sky and the moon, not wanting to look at Jesse anymore. It was pretty tonight, the moon full and illuminating everything below it. His head starts swimming a little bit, but after taking a deep, calming breath, it subsides. 

  Not saying anything response to that, Jesse frowns and sits back in his chair, looking down at his lap, playing with his hands a bit. Then, he speaks. “Really wish I knew what you had against me. What makes you hate me so much. There's a lot more you could be puttin’ that energy into, ya know…”

  A sigh of impatience makes Jesse look up at him. “You already know what's going on. This is distracting Genji,” He explains simply, and Jesse closes his eyes and shakes his head a bit. 

  “There's more to it than that, Hanzo, I know there is,” He insists, sounding a little desperate. Hanzo rubs his hands over his face, keeping them there for a moment, debating on whether or not he actually wants to say anything. “Why is this so fuckin’ important?”

  Hanzo is silent for just a moment more before he gives a resigned sigh and closes his eyes. “My family…the Shimadas...are a very high profile family, as Genji has probably already told you. We have some…criminal connections, of course, and we’re frankly very powerful.” He shifts in his seat, clearing his throat a bit. “And to remain in power, one must have good leaders. This is where Genji and I come in. Our father is dying, McCree. Being the elder brother, I was raised to take over. And I've been prepared for it for years now. Unfortunately, Genji has always been more of a wayward soul. He brought a bit of shame upon our family, behaving the way he did. Out at all hours of the night, bringing various, ah… _ characters _ home- yes, to our home. He just…had no interest in the family business. He still doesn't, not really.”

  Jesse is listening with rapt attention, actually amazed that Hanzo is opening up to him like this. He kind of can't believe it. The alcohol must be helping out, that's the only reason Jesse can come up with. 

  “The elders pulled me aside one day, and told me that I had to rein Genji in, to get control of him, to get him to realize his responsibility as a Shimada son. I'm honestly surprised that Genji actually listened to me when I spoke with him about it. He…he trusts me. He understands the position I'm in. I'm very grateful for that.” He nervously rubs the back of his neck, hesitating on his next few words. Jesse doesn't say anything, not urging him to continue, wanting him to speak on his own. Hanzo takes a breath. “He understands that if he doesn't remember where his loyalty lies, that I would have to take matters into my own hands.” He looks down, deciding to stop speaking for a moment. 

  A bit confused, Jesse shifts a little. “What do you mean by that?” He asks quietly. “Take matters into your own hands?”

  Hanzo chuckles quietly, shaking his head slightly. “I'd have to kill him,” He explains bluntly, knowing that there was no way to sugar coat that. ”He'd bring dishonor and shame to our family if he continued to behave the way he did. If he continue to stray off the path he'd been set on since birth and if he deserted our family. Allowing him to be here and work with you and Gabriel was something I debated for weeks. I figured this would be the last frivolous thing I'd allow him to do before we came to power.” He takes a deep breath, pausing, and that's when Jesse understands a little bit better 

  “So…” He starts, trying to think of how to word what he's thinking. “You're just worried about him, huh? You don't wanna…you don't wanna hurt him. And bein’ here…”

  Hanzo just nods. “Yes. I'm afraid I won't get him to come home. He’s always been a very…ah, personable man, I suppose. He likes people, he likes making friends. And you two seem to be very good friends. I'm afraid...that he won't want to leave you. Leave here, and all the friends he's made, the work he's done…”

  Jesse is quiet for a moment before he reaches over and pats Hanzo's shoulder gently, squeezing it. “I think he'll go when the time comes. You won't have to worry. From what ya told me, he understands what he's gotta do, ya know? I wouldn't worry too much, okay?” He murmurs, but Hanzo stays still, as if he's processing what Jesse has to say to him. 

  After a moment, Hanzo nods slowly, exhaling the breath he hadn't known he'd been holding. “Yes.” He looks at Jesse. He offers him a small smile, and Jesse is a bit confused when his heart skips a beat in reaction to that little smile. He couldn't help it though. Hanzo actually smiled. It's been two weeks, and he finally fucking smiled. “Thank you, Jesse.” Double whammy, he finally said his first name. Jesse thinks he could probably die happy now. He felt good that Hanzo finally trusts him, even a little bit.

  He smiles and nods, taking his hand back. “Yeah, of course, Hanzo.” He takes a breath. “Thank you for…for finally actually saying my fuckin’ name,” He says through laughter that bubbles up from his chest. And goddamn, the icing on top of the cake is the chuckle that escapes from Hanzo's perfect little smile. Instead of responding, Hanzo picks up his bottle and sips from it, smiling behind the rim. He felt better, finally getting all of that off his chest. He'd been tense and on edge ever since arriving, and it felt nice to let it all out and not worry about it for a few moments, even if he was kinda drunk at the moment.

  The rest of the night is spent in comfortable silence before they finally head in for the night, parting ways with quiet goodnights and soft smiles. 

 

***

 

  Jesse isn't all that surprised when the kinder attitude doesn't last. Hanzo is back to his quiet, stoic self the very next day, but what's different is the fact he seems to go out of his way to avoid Jesse. Genji is a bit concerned, but knows better than to ask. He does take notice that things between he and Jesse are a bit…odd? The anger isn't really there, but there's  _ something _ going on. He approaches Jesse about it a couple days later, because he's feeding off the weird vibes and it's throwing him off a bit. 

  Jesse is cleaning his gun when Genji comes up to him. Jesse smiles and waves the cloth at him. “Hey there, Genj. What's up?” He asks, looking back down at the gun. Genji shrugs a bit, his hands in his pockets. 

  “Nothing. But…I've kind of noticed that Hanzo has been acting kind of weird lately.” Jesse pauses for a moment before he goes back to cleaning. He doesn't say anything. “Do you know anything about why?”

  Jesse doesn't respond right away, but then he shrugs a little. “We had a talk the other night,” He admits with a sigh. “Kind of a heart to heart.”

  Seemingly surprised, Genji's eyebrows raise. “A heart to heart? He, uh, opened up to you? He asks for clarification, and Jesse nods slowly. 

  “Mhm. He must feel pretty awkward about it, he’s been kind of avoiding me.” He shrugs a little, setting his gun down and rubbing the back of his neck. “I dunno, maybe I shouldn't have pressed him…” He stares down at the table, and Genji sits next to him, folding his hands in front of him. 

  “He's not an open sort of man. He doesn't…He doesn't like talking about his feelings. I don't know what you talked about, but-”

  “We talked about you. Your family. His, um, responsibility.” He looks at Genji, who nods slowly.

  He seems to understand then, and he sighs. He seems a bit… sad. “Ah, yes. He doesn't like to speak about that.” He shifts a bit, looking visibly uncomfortable. “And I don't exactly want to think of that either.” Considering I'd be the one getting murdered, he thinks, looking away from Jesse. 

  Jesse just nods, taking a breath, feeling a bit bad. He hadn't known the topic was that sensitive between the brothers. “Alright. Won't mention it again,” He murmurs, holding up his hands to assure him. Genji smiles a little, seemingly relieved. “Can I say anything to make it better between him and me?” He asks after a beat of silence. 

  Shrugging his shoulders, Genji stands up again. “Maybe. I think you should just give it time, though. Like I said, he's not usually open. Maybe he's feeling…” Genji waves his hand a bit in a more comical, mysterious fashion. “Exposed or something.”

  Jesse can't help but chuckle, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah…I don't know, I'll give him some time.” He puts his gun pack together real quick before holstering it. “Thanks for lettin’ me know all of this.”

  Smiling, Genji nods. “Not a problem. And hey,” He puts his hand on Jesse's shoulder. “I'm sure he'll truly come around to you. Just give it some time.” He gives him a quick hug before heading out. Jesse watches him go, sighing quietly. 

  He had his doubts about that, but he wanted to believe that they'd broken through a little bit, having a drink together and just talking. He couldn't be for sure, though. It was all up in the air for now. 


	4. Chapter 4

  “Steady, steady.” 

  “I know.” 

  “Your hands are shakin’.”

  “Be quiet.” 

  “You're gonna miss the shot.” 

  “I'm not going to miss anything.”

  “But you-”

  “McCree, shut the fuck up, or I'll shoot  _ you _ instead.”

  “Ooh, no need to use dirty words on me, now.”

  Hanzo wants to murder him. He really does. He doesn't know what the hell was going through Gabriel's mind when he sent him and McCree on a mission together, alone. Especially tasked with assassinating a target. He should've known something like this would happen, and apparently he doesn't have enough authority to tell Jesse to leave him alone so he can focus, because it's been an hour and Jesse hasn't stopped talking. The anger was what was making Hanzo's hands shake, if anything. 

  Hanzo is about to reply, but a shot rings out through the night, and their target falls to the ground as blood splatters against the wall in front of him. Hanzo spins around to where Jesse lies on his stomach a few rooftops away, his rifle in front of him poised perfectly still, a shit-eating grin on his face. He gives him a little salute. “Are you kidding me?” Hanzo asks into his comm in disbelief, quickly putting his bow across his back, shoving his arrow back in its quiver.

  Sitting up on his knees, Jesse gives a big, sarcastic shrug. “‘Fraid not,” Jesse responds, opening up his gun case. “You were takin’ too long,” He explains simply, and Hanzo just stands there on his rooftop, stunned. 

  “I had it, McCree,” He insists, starting to feel anger build up inside him, his face going a bit hot. “If you hadn't been distracting me I could've gotten it done a lot sooner!” He snaps, starting to climb down from the building. When he hears Jesse chuckle into the comm, he knows for sure he's going to end up kicking Jesse's ass when they regroup if he doesn’t calm down between then and now. He stalks over to the van, trying to keep his cool. 

  Jesse smirks to himself as he picks up his case, slings it over his shoulder, and starts the climb down. “Ya sure about that, Shimada?” He asks coolly, his boots hitting the ground with a bit of a thud. 

  Hanzo throws open the van door once he unlocks it, pulling his how off and tossing it in the back, gritting his teeth. “Yes, I'm sure,” He mutters through his teeth, unbuckling his quiver and tossing it in next to his bow. “And I'm also sure you're an absolute dickhead.”

  “Hey, did Genji teach you some more American insults? That's a new one for you,” He says cheerfully as he walks up to the van. He claps Hanzo on the back, grinning, as he sets his rifle next to Hanzo's bow, closing the door and holding his hand out for the keys. Hanzo scoffs, repressing the urge to punch Jesse in his stupid, smug face, and shoves them into his hand, getting in the passenger side, slamming the door. Jesse just sighs and gets in, putting the key in the ignition. He glances at Hanzo, who is angrily putting his hair up. 

  “Why are you being such an ass?” He asks, upset, after he takes the hair tie from between his teeth. Jesse smiles a bit. 

  “Just givin’ you a hard time, buddy,” He says with a playful smirk, nudging Hanzo with his elbow. Hanzo rolls his eyes.  _ Of course _ Jesse would behave this way. Of course. But Jesse continues. “Also, Gabriel wanted me to try and convince you to learn how to use a sniper rifle by ‘showing you how much more efficient it is’,” He mimics the way Gabriel speaks, with extra mockery splashed into his words, and Hanzo lowkey can't help it when he lets a quiet, breathy chuckle, making Jesse smile. “Which is kinda why I took the kill. Guns are better.”

  “Seriously?” Hanzo asks, a slight smile on his lips. He shakes his head and looks away, crossing his arms. “Fine. But that doesn't excuse you being an ass all night,” He mutters, shaking his head a little, turning to look out the window. Jesse’s smile fades, and he grips the steering wheel tighter, choosing not to respond to that.

  He had to be honest here. Being alone with Hanzo on a mission made him incredibly nervous, and he wasn’t exactly sure why. He was trying too hard to cover it up, which resulted in his asshole-ness. He didn’t usually act like this, so it was a little bewildering to him. He really wasn’t sure what was up lately, but he hoped he figured it out soon before it got him in trouble. He takes a deep breath, shaking it off. “Hey, but seriously, I’m sorry. Don’t know what’s up with me tonight,” He admits quietly, glancing at Hanzo, who turns to look at him.

  Sighing, Hanzo shrugs a shoulder, deciding to shake off whatever anger was still inside him. At lease Jesse apologized... “We completed our mission regardless,” He tells him, shrugging again. “I suppose I can’t be too upset. Annoyance is justifiable, however.” He nods, very sure of his statement. Jesse shrugs his shoulders half-heartedly, silently agreeing with him.

  “You’re right. I promise I won’t annoy you like this next time we’re out on a mission,” He says with a smile, resting a hand over his heart. “On my mama’s grave, I wont be a dick.” 

  Hanzo is about to smile, but when he hears the tail end of Jesse’s sentence, he doesn’t. Oh, that’s right. Gabriel had said something about Jesse being an orphan. Now probably wasn’t the time to ask personal questions about Jesse’s life; it would probably be very inappropriate considering the state of their relationship. But, in all fairness, in Hanzo’s mind, Jesse owed him for making him talk about his feelings the other night. And they had such a long drive home, what else were they going to talk about? So he asks anyways. “Your mother’s grave?” He asks, to get some clarification, and Jesse goes quiet.

  “Ah...yeah.” He shifts a bit in his seat, his hands gripping the wheel just a little tighter as his body goes a bit tense. He doesn't say anything else besides that, which prompts Hanzo to clear his throat a bit, nervous. 

  “If I may ask…what happened to her?” He asks him, his voice soft. He could understand the loss of a parent. He’d lost his own mother when he was a child. 

  Jesse sighs quietly, a small smiling playing at his lips. Might as well tell him. It didn't exactly hurt much anymore, mostly because he'd gotten over his old life the second he'd joined the Deadlock Gang. He got out all his teenage angst and heartbreak back then, so he was mostly fine now. He heaves another sigh. “She died, back when I was a kid. I mean, obviously she did, or she wouldn't have a grave-” He explains before he waves his hand dismissively. “Anyways. She got real sick real fast, can’t remember with what, and by the time she got to a doc, it was too late to do anything.” He shakes his head a little bit. “At least that's what my daddy told me once I was old enough to know. But he took it real hard, struggled for a few years before he…” He frowns a bit, looking a little uncomfortable then. Hanzo can only guess what he’s about to say, and a pit settles in his stomach when his thoughts are confirmed. “Before he went and offed himself. I was eight, I think…”

  Hanzo is quiet, processing this, a bit surprised. “Oh, Jesse…that must have been very hard on you,” He murmurs, hoping his sympathy reaches him. He wasn’t the best at sympathy. Jesse just shrugs.

  “I guess it's fine. I was tossed around foster care for a while after he died. Kinda rough on me, but when is foster care ever good, right?” He chuckles nervously, and Hanzo just looks at him, listening and not saying anything. Jesse continues after clearing his throat a bit. “Anyways, I ran away from my foster parents when I was fifteen…joined some gang.” A haunting look comes across his face very briefly, but he shakes it off. “Got myself arrested a couple years later, and...and that's how I met Gabriel.” He takes a deep breath, glancing over at Hanzo. He smiles. “He really saved my ass, turned me around. Now I'm twenty-three, working for a real cool guy, and, you know, things are good.”

  Hanzo reaches over and gives Jesse's shoulder a comforting pat, unsure of what else to do. Well, maybe he could try to relate to him a bit. He smiles slightly, leaning back in his seat. “I can kind of understand...my childhood wasn’t especially kind to me either.” He shrugs one of his shoulders. Jesse looks at him, raising an eyebrow.

  “How so?” He asks, looking back at the road, but still listening intently to Hanzo. 

  “I lost my mother very young too. She was a frail woman after I was born. Pregnancy was rough on her, which was why she was advised not to have another child. Genji was an accident, he wasn't really supposed to be here. My mother lived only a day after his birth. I was three.” He takes a breath, looking down at his lap. “Father wasn’t such a kind man after that. I was pushed even harder to be what he and the elders expected of me. And Genji...he wasn’t seen in a very positive light. I don’t wish to say he was abused, but…” He shakes his head a bit. “Which is why he rebelled upon growing up. I love my brother, but…” He closes his eyes, deciding not to say any motr on that. “We didn’t have a very loving father growing up.” It’s quiet for a moment before Jesse chuckles, making Hanzo look up in confusion. 

  “Life is fucked up, ain't it?” He asks, looking back at Hanzo. Hanzo nods, deciding that yes, life is kind of fucked up. “Losin’ our mama's so early, our upbringings being all terrible. It’s rough,” He sighs, shaking his head sadly. “I ’spose we both been through some shit.” He sighs and looks at him, smiling slightly, looking a bit sad. Hanzo just nods a little, smiling back at him. 

  “Yes, I suppose we have. Thank you for trusting me enough to share this with me,” He says, voice soft as he reaches over and pats Jesse's arm again. 

  “Nah, it's fine. Anyways, I'm just glad you're actually talking to me and not just glaring or yelling at me. It's a nice change ‘a pace,” He admits, and a bit of heat comes to Hanzo's cheeks. Had he been that awful lately..? 

  “I apologize,” He murmurs, looking a bit embarrassed. Jesse tsks and waves a hand at him, shaking his head. 

  “Nah, man, I get it. I'm just a friendly guy, I wanted you to like me. I guess been overbearin’ or somethin’...” His voice trails off a bit, Hanzo notices he looks kind of self conscious. Hanzo frowns a bit. 

  He decides not to respond to that, because in his opinion Jesse had been overbearing. At least overbearing enough to annoy the hell out of Hanzo. 

  Jesse shakes his head. “Yeah, that's alright. Gabriel said I had to tone it down when he adopted me. Guess it didn’t really work.” He sighs, and says nothing more. Neither of them do for a while, not exactly comfortable with small talk. There wasn't much else to be said, and Hanzo leaves the conversation hoping he'd be able to at least be a little friendly towards Jesse now. After all, they've had two deep conversations now, Hanzo couldn't exactly pretend they were mortal enemies anymore. 

  It was just another adjustment that had to made. Adjustments weren’t something Hanzo enjoyed very much. He liked order and consistency, and disliking Jesse happend to be a constant in Hanzo’s life up until now. But, he supposed, he couldn’t take Jesse’s kindess for granted. Jesse was trying to get along with him even though he was being pretty terrible, and it was obvious, and Hanzo tries to convince himself that this is a good thing. If he’s going to be here and working with Jesse, alliance was a good thing. As much he disliked to admit it, it was the truth. After an hour or two, Hanzo glances over at Jesse, who looks relaxed, calm, watching the long road ahead of them. He hoped he could do this. He hoped he could get over his bitterness about being here and actually attempt a friendship here. It was all he could do for now, really. 

  Try.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> boy's got feelings

  Jesse walks into Hanzo's room, smiling brightly. He hits the doorframe to get his attention, and Hanzo jumps a little, his heart skipping a beat before he looks up with a bit of a glare. “What are you doing?” He asks from where he sits at his desk, looking over some mission reports. Jesse shrugs and walks over, closing the folder in Hanzo's hands and sliding it away from him.

  “Come on, up,” Jesse requests, patting Hanzo's shoulder a few times. “We gotta head down to the shootin’ range,” He tells him, and Hanzo raises an eyebrow, visibly confused. 

  “Why?” He asks, standing up with him anyways. “My bow is still in the van-” 

  Jesse cuts him off immediately. “Nope. No, I'm teachin’ you how to shoot a gun.” He puts his hands on his hips, grinning. “Reyes said I had the best shot in all of Blackwatch, so he sent me to teach ya. The bow…we already went over that last week. Not as efficient.”

  Rolling his eyes, Hanzo crosses his arms and follows him out of the room. “I already told you I'm terrible with firearms,” He murmurs, and Jesse turns around enough to smile fondly at him, making Hanzo blush a little bit. Hm...that was a bit of a new sight to Hanzo’s face. He decides not to comment on that, and continues.

  “You won't be when I'm through with ya, Han,” He says cheerfully, but Hanzo is a little thrown off by the nickname. It makes his face heat up a bit more than before, but he still nods, pretending like that didn't make him want to smile. 

  He sighs and follows him down to the range. “Alright, I suppose I trust you to be a good teacher. The last thing I want to do is be useless out in the field because I can't load my gun properly or something of the sort.” He shrugs a bit, and Jesse smirks, rolling his eyes. 

  “You'll be fine,” He assures him, patting his shoulder. “We’ll start small,” He begins explaining as he shuts the door to the range once they walk inside. “A simple pistol for now, no way you're gonna be snipin’ folks right off the bat.” He goes to the equipment close and grabs a couple pairs of safety goggles and headphones. He hands one of each to Hanzo. He puts the goggles on, but keeps the headphones around his neck. Jesse follows suit, then picks up a pistol. “Alright, so, here's what ya do…” 

 

***

 

  Miss, miss, miss. 

  Jesse winces with each shot Hanzo takes, because each one misses where Hanzo wants to shoot. He crosses his arms, sighing. Well, now he knew for sure that Hanzo wasn't lying when he said he was terrible with firearms. He pats Hanzo's shoulder after a moment to get his attention. He then puts his hand over the pistol and lowers it, making Hanzo's hands lower too. “Alright, Hanzo…you were right,” He mutters, and Hanzo sighs, shaking his head a bit.

  “I told you I was terrible,” He mutters impatiently, visibly annoyed and irritated. “Why doesn't Genji have to deal with this?” He asks, flustered. “This doesn't feel very fair to me.” He shoves the gun into Jesse's hands, to which the other man inhales sharply, taking a protective step back. 

  “Woah, woah, woah,” He fixes the gun in his hands, then puts the safety on. “Look, he's goin’ through the trainin’ too, but he's working with Reyes. Be careful with this thing,” He says sternly, holding up the gun. “Let me tell you where you went wrong, alright?” Hanzo eyes him, but doesn't say anything, deciding to listen to him. Jesse nods a bit then gestures for Hanzo to come close. When he does, he hands the gun back. “Okay, hold it up now, try to keep it steady.” Hanzo rolls his eyes and does as requested.

  “I don't know what you could possibly- oh!” He jerks a bit when Jesse comes up behind him and presses himself close, wrapping his hands around Hanzo's, so he's holding the gun with him. Hanzo's whole body goes hot when he feels Jesse's chest against his back, and he's a little pissed off he had such a reaction. He closes his eyes for a moment, taking a breath. “How is this helping?” He asks calmly, and Jesse holds Hanzo's hands firmly, keeping them aimed at the center of the target. 

  “Ya see the little sight down the center of the gun?” He asks, and Hanzo nods. “Good. If ya need some help, just look at that. I know this thing has a little kickback which is probably fuckin’ you up, right?”

  Hanzo nods, trying to keep himself calm. “Bows don't have kickback,” He tells Jesse, and Jesse chuckles, squeezing Hanzo's hands a bit. 

  “I know. You gotta brace yourself for that, okay? Gotta plant your feet…” He kicks Hanzo's feet apart, making the other man huff and adjust himself accordingly. “Raise your arms a little more…” He does so for Hanzo. “Ya got strong arms now, I know ya do, so do your best to hold the gun firm when you fire.” As he steps away, he lets his hands linger on Hanzo's arms, his fingertips dragging along just a little as he moves back. 

  Hanzo has to pretend that doesn't send a shiver down his spine, and he's a hit distracted when he readies himself to fire. He glances at Jesse, who gives him a nod, silently telling him to fire. He does his best to do as Jesse told him, and he aims for the center of the target. When he shoots, he's expecting to hit far off what he was aiming for like he's been doing, but it surprisingly hits relatively close. He smiles “I did it.”

  Jesse smirks and crosses his arms. “Sure did. Try it a few more times, and we'll call it a day…“

 

***

 

  Hanzo paces around his room, trying to process the way he reacted to Jesse being in such close proximity. The way his heart beat a bit faster, the way his body felt warm from his touch. It was stressing him out and he just…didn't know what to do with this new feeling. Genji walks by earbuds in, kind of bobbing his head. He pauses when he catches Hanzo pacing. He takes one earbud out, raising an eyebrow. 

  “Are you okay?” He asks, putting his hands in his pockets. “You look…stressed.” Hanzo scoffs, pausing and looking at him. 

  “It's nothing you would understand, brother,” Hanzo mutters, running a hand through his hair. Genji gets this smug little smile on his face before he steps into his brother's room and closes the door. 

  “I doubt that, I understand a lot of things. What's going on?” He asks, taking his other earbud out as he sits down on Hanzo's bed. Hanzo eyes him for a moment before he sits down next to him, leaning on his knees. 

  “Something… _ odd _ happened earlier today, while I was training with McCree,” He murmurs, looking straight ahead, afraid of making eye contact. “I…felt something that I, um...haven't felt before.”

  Genji looks a bit confused. “What do you mean?” He asks, leaning forward to be level with his brother. He had a sneaking suspicion of what it was, but Hanzo was unreadable sometimes. All he knew was that whatever it was, Hanzo was nervous about it. 

  Hanzo rubs his hands over his face. “It was that…that flutter feeling in my chest- the, um…butterflies,” He admits, his voice quiet and vaguely embarrassed. Genji, genuinely surprised, leans back, exhaling slowly.

  “...really?” He asks in disbelief, eyebrows raised. When Hanzo doesn't respond, Genji laughs a little bit. “Huh…didn't know you were capable of that-” He's interrupted when Hanzo punches his arm, a bitter look on his face. Genji holds his hands up in defense. 

  Scowling, Hanzo sits up and crosses his arms. “Shut up,” He mutters, looking away. ”I'm serious. I don't know what this means.” 

  Lowering his hands, Genji shrugs a bit. “Well…usually that means you kind of like someone. Do you like Jesse?” He asks calmly, not a hint of judgment in his voice. What surprises Genji is the  _ lack  _ of a flustered reaction from Hanzo, who just sits there, playing with his hands. Genji waits for a moment. “...Hanzo?”

  “I don't know, Genji,” He admits quietly. “Things are definitely different than what they were since we first arrived. And after we…connected, I suppose, these past couple weeks...it feels even more different to me,” He explains, unsure of how else to put it. Honestly, he'd never discuss this with anyone but Genji. Genji was one of the very few people he trusted in this world.  Genji nods slowly.

 “Different...In a good way?” He asks, gently resting a hand on Hanzo’s shoulder. “You know, if you do feel like you like Jesse in a, um, romantic way, it’s okay.”

  “I  _ know _ it’s okay, Genji,” He insists, standing up and stepping away from his brother. :Just- just not for me. Not when we have a reputation to uphold back home.” He starts pacing again, and Genji sighs.

  “Hanzo,  _ I’ve _ dated men before,” He reminds him, a small smile on his face. “Nobody cared.”

  Scoffing, Hanzo shakes his head. “You aren’t set to take over the family, Genji. What you do...it doesn’t matter  _ as much _ , as sorry as I am to say it.”

  “No, I suppose I get that. But Hanzo,” He gets up, grips his shoulders, and stops him from walking. “If you want something...go for it. After all, like you’ve been telling me, we’re not here forever. So...whatever might happen between you two won’t be forever. A fling, perhaps.”

  Hanzo gives him a bit of a nervous look. “Genji, it wouldn’t be right of me. It wouldn’t be fair to him. I’m not...one for casual relationships. No offense to you.”

  Genji holds up a hand, shaking his head. “None taken. But hey...talk to him. If you like him, talk to him. Maybe you can…” He grins. “Work something out.” He winks and squeezes his arm before stepping back. “I’m here if you need me,” He reminds him before he walks out of the room, walking into his own.

  Hanzo watches, and just a moment later, the reality of the conversation settle in his stomach. McCree. Jesse McCree. He likes Jesse McCree. What other explanation is there for what he’s been thinking lately? The thoughts he’s been having? Jesse’s persistence, the way he doesn’t let anything get in the way, the way he’s honest...the way he could make Hanzo comfortable to open up and make himself vulnerable like no one else could. It shakes him right down to his core when he realizes that, yes, for sure, he likes Jesse. He’s never experienced these feelings for any other person before, and it was new, and fresh, and...it kinda felt good, even.

  He runs a hand through his hair and looks around his room for a moment before he walks out to head to the kitchen. He needed a Goddamn drink and some time to process all of this. A big, big drink.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  “You know that this is pretty stupid, right? Even for you,” Gabriel mutters as he looks through files. Jesse sits on his desk, pouting a bit.

  “I ain't that stupid,” He mutters, scoffing and crossing his arms. At least…he didn't think he was. Not for this. Gabriel chuckles quietly and he puts a folder in his file cabinet. 

  “Right,” He murmurs, shutting the cabinet drawer. “You just told me you like the exact person you'd be an idiot to like. Jesse, he's leaving. I don't know when, nobody does, but he and Genji are both going to be leaving. Wait, wait, wait, wait." He stops and waves his hands a bit to cut the conversation off for a moment. He gathers himself, then he speaks. "Since when did you like guys anyways, Jesse?" He asks, suddenly realizing what exactly they were talking about. Now that he wasn't distracted by work, he could fully focus on the topic at hand. Jesse is quiet for a moment before he rubs his arm a bit, looking down at his lap.

  “I don't, at least I don't think so, but um...I don't know, maybe he's just...special. I don't know, I'm...confused, I guess. I don't know what to do," He says quietly, sounding pretty embarrassed, and Gabriel just sighs, sitting back down at his desk.

  “I can't tell you what to do, Jess,” He murmurs, just trying to be honest. "I'm glad you trust me enough to come to me, but there's only so much I can help with. It's okay to be confused, I think, but there's not much you can do to really settle things. Maybe you should just...talk to him. Get what you're thinking out on the table."

  "I'm just gonna embarrass myself, though," He whines, looking a bit miserable. "He's not that kinda guy. I don't think, anyways- ugh." He groans, putting his face in his hands. Goddamn, why did this have to be so damn difficult? Gabriel sighs and comes around to give Jesse a hug. 

   "I know it's kind of a mess, but you're young. Mess is a part of being young." He rubs Jesse's back before stepping away. "Whatever you decide to do, I'm here for you, kid," He assures him. 

  Jesse nods slowly, heaving a sigh and a quiet thank you. He stands up and walks out of his office. As soon as he closes the door, he nearly bumps into Hanzo as he's walking by, and it makes him jump in surprise. “Shit, Han, ya scared me,” He says, a hand pressed to his heart. Hanzo offers him a slight smile. 

  “Sorry. I, um…wasn't looking where I was going. I'm a bit distracted,” He says quietly, looking anywhere but at Jesse, who just nods a bit.

  “Yeah, me too." He takes a deep breath. Might as well, since he's here... "So, um, can I talk to you?” He asks, rubbing the back of his neck. “It's kinda important.” Hanzo looks at him, and he sort of laughs a bit. 

  “That's funny. I was looking for you for the same reason,” He says with a nervous smile, and Jesse laughs nervously, nodding slowly, putting his hands in his pockets. The air suddenly felt pretty awkward, and Jesse freaks out on the inside and can't bring himself to say anything anymore, nerves getting the better of him. Hanzo raises an eyebrow. “Did you...want to go somewhere and talk?” He asks, voice quiet, and Jesse just shakes his head, sighing. Hanzo breathes a sigh of relief. Oh thank God, Hanzo thought he would actually have to tell him.

  “No, no, nevermind. It's- It's fine. Uh, I'll see you in the training room later, yeah?” He starts backing away slowly, and Hanzo just looks at him before nodding.

  “Yes, of course,” He murmurs, relief flowing through him. Jesse nods, smiles, then turns and walks away, shaking his head a little to himself. Hanzo watches him go before he just turns around and walks away, his head beating a bit quicker. 

  This...was going to be harder than he thought.

 

***

 

  Jesse is flung onto his back, the air being knocked out of him. He groans, squeezing his eyes shut. Hanzo grins, coming over and standing above him. “Get up, McCree. Nobody you fight is going to wait for you to pick yourself up in the field.” He grips Jesse by the collar of his shirt and pulls him up to his feet, stepping back and letting him collect himself. Jesse wheezes a bit before holding up his fists again. 

  “I ain't a hand-to-hand kinda guy, Hanzo,” He pants, still trying to get his breath back, throwing a punch that only gets blocked by Hanzo's forearm. Hanzo chuckles, hitting Jesse with a series of hits that Jesse barely manages to block. He swings a fist down and gets Hanzo in the side, but the other man seems unfazed by it. Jesse grimaces a bit, discouraged. 

  “It's good you're learning, then,” Hanzo breaths before bringing a knee up into Jesse's stomach. Jesse grunts, trying not to double over. Instead, he quickly composes himself and shoves Hanzo back a bit, taking advantage of Hanzo's surprise to get a couple hits in, making him stumble back. One fist connects with Hanzo's jaw, and Hanzo gasps, a hand quickly going to hold it. He looks at Jesse, feigning hurt. Jesse stops, eyes a bit wide.

  “Oh shit. That wasn't allowed, was it-” He's interrupted when Hanzo swipes a leg out and kicks Jesse's footing out from under him, getting him on his back once more. Hanzo gets down and straddles Jesse's hips, gripping his shirt tightly with one hand, his other making a fist. Jesse's surprised at how quick it all happens, and he flinches when Hanzo raises his fist. 

  But he doesn't land the punch. With the pause in action comes the realization of the situation they're in, and Jesse relaxes a bit, and he looks at Hanzo, not saying anything. Hanzo lowers his fist, releases his grip on Jesse's shirt, then very slowly leans down. He has no idea what he's doing right now, his mind going a bit blank when he realizes what position he's in- on top of Jesse in a very, frankly, provocative way. He could, well…feel a certain part of Jesse against him, and it made his heart beat faster. He thinks of all the feelings that had started to build up between them when they'd been in a similar proximity, he thinks of how he almost actually told him what he was feeling and how the tension had slowly been building, and it suddenly just sort of boils over, and before he can second guess himself, he leans down and kisses Jesse. 

   Instantly, heat floods through Jesse's body, and before he can stop himself, he's gripping the sides of Hanzo's face and holding him there, returning the kiss. It wasn't any different from kissing a woman, really, aside from the bit of scruff on Hanzo's face. He thought it would be different, but shit, it didn't and it felt so damn good. It felt more right than anything's ever felt. And that went for both of them, really. Both of their previous nervousness and doubting thoughts from earlier were forgotten in favor of this new attention they were getting from each other. The only thing on their minds now was this.

   Hanzo leans down enough that his chest is pressed against Jesse's, surprising himself; he would never do this. He's actually…never done anything like this. His mind and heart are racing, and when Jesse slides his hands down to Hanzo's shoulders, down to his waist, a shiver goes down his spine. He does it subconsciously, but he grinds his hips against Jesse's, like it was some sort of instinct he wasn't aware of before. He's surprised and a bit upset with himself for making the kiss more than just a kiss. They were venturing into a different territory now. Jesse groans at the action, and he returns it, bucking his hips up against Hanzo's, biting his own lip at the feeling of it. 

  He could hardly believe this was happening, and on the floor of the training room, too, holy shit. It was ridiculous. This was ridiculous. They didn't- fuck, they hardly even got along normally, what was this? What was happening? Jesse doesn't know, and right now he doesn't care. With a playful little smirk, he quickly flips Hanzo onto his back, making the other man gasp in surprise. But Hanzo doesn't stop him, and Jesse takes that as the go ahead to kiss him again, a bit more dirty this time. His cock hardening in his shorts, he grinds against Hanzo again to take it all further. He's relieved, and far more turned on, when he feels that Hanzo is pretty much in the same state he is. He can't help but keep it up, especially when Hanzo lets out the quietest of moans, his eyes slipping closed as he slides his fingers into Jesse's hair. 

  “Oh, J-” Hanzo takes a shuddering breath, his back arching just a bit. The friction between them felt great. He almost ached for it. He almost wanted more than just grinding through their clothes. He pulls Jesse down for another kiss, feeling dirty for allowing all of this to happen. That was something to dwell on later though, because after a few moments of this constant contact and movement, the pleasure gets the better of him, his heart nearly beating out of his chest. “Jesse! H-Hold on, I'm going to-” It's too late, though, and he's cut off by a gasp, then a low, shaky moan, his eyes shut tight as his orgasm washes over him. Jesse is hardly able to keep himself up above Hanzo as he follows just a few seconds later, burying his face in Hanzo's neck, stifling his moan, giving one last thrust against him as he cums in his shorts. 

  After a moment, Jesse just sort of collapses on top of Hanzo, who sits there trying to catch his breath. They sit in silence for a few seconds before Jesse groans and sits up. “Christ, that's- this is embarrassing, I've never gotten off just by-” His attention is torn away from finishing his sentence when Hanzo wordlessly stands up, covers his crotch with the jacket he had hung up by the door, and walks out of the training room. Jesse watches, shocked and just a little hurt he'd just leave like that. He sits back on his heels, taking a moment to compose himself. He would've at least likes a kiss goodbye or something. But then again, Hanzo didn't owe it to him. There was nothing between them besides a still-fresh friendship. He sighs and stands up on shaky legs, glancing down at himself. He grimaces at the mess on his shorts. “God damnit.” He whispers to himself, sighing. Seriously, what was he, a teenager? Getting off just by dry humping? God. He rolls his eyes at himself before he gathers his things and hurries off to his room. 

  Hanzo narrowly avoids running into his brother as he (quite literally) ran to his room, slamming the door shut. He paces for a moment, wiping the sweat from his forehead. He genuinely can't believe he just let himself do that. He felt ridiculous. Absolutely idiotic. What was he doing, letting his feelings and control go? That was reckless of him. Not to mention…he shared Jesse's embarrassment, because damn, he actually got off from just that. There they were, going at it through their clothes. On the floor of the training room, no less, after Hanzo essentially kicked Jesse's ass. As he gets changed, he tries to shake away the image of Jesse actually fucking him. Liking him Hanzo could handle. But wanting to go as far as having sex with him? As much as he'd like to entertain the idea, it sort of felt like it was too much. Too risky. Too…irresponsible. 

  He didn't want to think of it, or what just happened, ever again. 

 

***

 

  Another task alone with him. 

  That was the absolute last thing Hanzo needed to clear his head. The memory of him and Jesse was still fresh in his mind, and as much as he now disliked it, it made him feel a bit warm whenever he thought about it. Being alone in the van for hours on end as they drove to the location left tension between them. It was thick and heavy since they hadn't actually spoken about it- or at all -since it happened. They both felt slightly relieved when they were told it was just an intel retrieval from a hacker Blackwatch had been working closely with, but upset that they both had to go. Backup, Gabriel had said. They needed backup.

  Right, backup. Sure. 

  The drive has been silent for a couple hours now, and Jesse is the one to break it. “Hanzo, I think…we need to talk about what happened the other day,” He says quietly quietly, glancing over at Hanzo, who's in the driver's seat this time. Hanzo goes a bit tense, keeping his eyes ahead of him. 

  “What is there to talk about? It happened. That should be the end of it,” He says impatiently, having a sigh. Jesse shakes his head and looks out the window. 

  “Well, for one, why the hell did ya do that? Why’d ya kiss me like that?” Jesse asks, just a bit scared of eye contact at the moment. Hanzo doesn't respond for a moment. He was afraid of being honest. While it might be slightly easier to be honest with himself about his feelings, it was a million times harder to admit it and to be honest with Jesse. 

  He takes a breath. “...I just...I don't know. Something inside of me wanted it…so I acted upon it,” He explains quietly. “I hope that makes sense.” He didn't want to have to explain it any further. Jesse just sighs and shakes his head a bit.

  It takes him a moment, but he finally responds. “Do you like me, Hanzo?” He asks quietly, finally turning and looking at him. “Be honest.” Hanzo doesn't respond, and he keeps it that way. After being silent for a while, Jesse just shakes his head and turns away again, sighing sadly. Right. Okay. Of course. While it made his heart ache, it…was almost a bit of a relief. Jesse had never felt this way about another man before, and, honestly? It was scary. And if…if all they did was screw around, never admitting feelings or talking about it, maybe he could do it. He didn't want to have to think about what he was doing and how it might be wrong. He didn't want to have feelings involved, not really. Feelings only made it more difficult. He almost wishes that Hanzo doesn't actually have feelings for him. 

  It’d be easier that way 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (˵ ͡o ͜ʖ ͡o˵)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bois are gonna have a true Talk(tm).  
> get ready for emotions

  Cleaning Peacekeeper offered some solace to Jesse when he got too lost in his own head. He loved that gun. Always was reliable, ever since his days in Deadlock. His dad gave it to him, after all. A family heirloom, he’d called it. Of course, Jesse was only seven at the time and couldn’t shoot it, but he’d been promised that he’d be taught to shoot it when he was old enough. He just didn’t know it’d be his foster father teaching him to use it...right before he ran away, anyways. 

  He liked taking the gun apart, putting it back together, all shiny and new. He's alone, out in the back yard in the warm, late summer air, just kind of keeping himself a bit distracted. It’s been three months now, since the Shimadas came to town and turned Jesse’s life all topsy-turvy. Nothing’s been especially bad about it, not by any means. He and Genji gotten along right and fine, they had fun together. They were pretty good friends, if Jesse did say so himself. He and Hanzo...that was a different story. They were breaking some new barriers, of course, but everything was still new and weird. Fooling around could be fun...if they just didn’t talk about it ever again and went back to being friends afterwards, which seemed to be the ongoing trend between them. 

  As he works, he hears the door open, but he doesn't turn around, knowing it's either Hanzo, maybe Gabriel, probably just coming out for a smoke. He instead goes about his business and pulls up his hair so it’s off his neck, which is just barely long enough to do so, a bit distracted by what he's doing. 

  Hanzo smiles a little, closing the door behind him. He smiles slightly, crossing his arms. “I hope you've brought some water or something out here with you,” He says a bit sternly, taking a cigarette from behind his ear. Jesse chuckles, nodding. Ah, it was Hanzo.  

  “I did, Hanzo, don't worry,” He assures him with a smile. Hanzo nods, walking to stand beside him to watch, gesturing for the lighter on the table next to Jesse. 

  “You know, it's very w-” He stops when he sees something on Jesse's upper arm, which was exposed by his rolled up t-shirt sleeve. He tilts his head a little. “Jesse…what's that on your arm?” He asks quietly, narrowing his eyes, trying to get a better look. It…looked like an old burn of some sort-  _ Oh _ .

  Jesse immediately drops his gun, which he'll regret later, he's sure, and smacks a hand over the mark on his arm. “Nothin’,” He mutters, standing up quickly, suddenly extremely defensive. “It's nothin’,” He says quietly, quickly looking away. “Don't- just don't.” He tugs down his sleeve, picks up his gun, and hurries inside, leaving Hanzo alone and very confused. He watches him head inside, not really knowing how to react. Was there something he was missing here? If he wasn’t mistaken...it looked a bit like the tattoo he had on his forearm, but in a brand. The tattoo wasn’t something Jesse made any effort to cover up. So why was this any different?

  His own upper arm starts to burn a bit with a memory he’d experienced himself. Maybe this...was just another way he could connect with and understand Jesse.

 

***

 

  Genji is idly talking with Jesse about some mission he and Hanzo are going to go on in a week or so as they sit in the common room, just sort of chilling out. Jesse was tuning him in and out, distractedly playing with his hands. After a few moments, Genji slaps Jesse upside the head with the file folder, having noticed he’s not paying attention. “Hey. Are you listening?” He asks, scowling a bit. Jesse’s mouth slowly turns to a smile.

  “If I’m not involved, I’m not very interested, darlin’, sorry,” He explains, shrugging a bit. Genji scoffs.

  “You could be if I insist that we need extra help, you know. I could go right to Gabriel,” He points out, and Jesse waves a hand at him, scrunching up his nose a bit. They’re interrupted when Hanzo walks into the room. 

  He clears his throat a little, looking at Jesse. “May I speak with you for a moment, Jesse? In private?” He asks quietly, and Genji raises an eyebrow. Ooh, in private. He stands up, sighing and grinning.

  “Alright, you two, I’ll just head on out then,” He murmurs before he heads out, leaving the two of them alone. Both Hanzo and Jesse are quiet for a second, letting Genji walk out and close the door.

  Jesse sighs quietly, looking away. “Look, if you came to talk about what ya saw-”

  “I did,” Hanzo says without hesitation, going over the where Genji was sitting, taking his spot. Jesse sighs and shakes his head.

  “Hanzo, I told ya not to-”

  “Jesse, I really think we should talk.”

  “Can you stop fuckin’ interruptin’ me for Christ’s sake?” Jesse snaps, standing up. “I told ya I don’t wanna talk about it,” He reminds him angrily, glaring. Hanzo stares at him before he sighs and rolls up his tshirt sleeve, revealing a brand of his family’s seal. The Shimada Seal. Jesse stops, going still when he sees it. “Wait, what is…” His voice trails off, and Hanzo sighs.

  “I understand what you’ve been through, Jesse. I think I relate to you more than we both know.” He rolls his sleeve back down, then looks at him. “Tell me, why do you go through such lengths to hide this, but not the tattoo?” 

  Silent for a moment, Jesse sits back down, leaning against his knees and looking at Hanzo. “The tattoo...I have to look at it every day. Everyone does. It’s something I learned to just...ignore. Brush off. Because I did this to myself, bein’ the dumbass kid I was back then. But this?” He gestures to his upper arm. “This hurts. It’s...burned into my skin and it ain’t ever goin’ away. It’s somethin’ that...that was forced on me. To remind me that I didn’t belong to myself no more.” He starts wringing his hands together. “They held me down, branded me like a Goddamn animal,” He mutters, shaking his head slowly. He chuckles sadly, looking at him. “I never felt so low in my whole life. Never felt so...degraded I guess.” He sighs, looking down at his hands. He then looks at Hanzo. “Imagine bein’ no older than fifteen, held down and made somethin’ you never really wanted to be in the first place…”

  “I don’t have to imagine, Jesse,” Hanzo murmurs, looking at him with a calm expression. He doesn’t look upset or demeaning at all. “I was sixteen. Barely, it was on my birthday, actually… My father took me aside, sat me down...and told me I must always remember who I belonged to, where my loyalty truly lied, where I must always return...and that was to the Shimada clan. The elders then did what they had to, and...it hurt like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.” He sighs quietly and looks at Jesse. “I understand what you went through. And I know how hard it might be to move on.”

  Jesse remains silent, looking at Hanzo, just listening to him as he spoke. There was something soothing about him in this moment. Despite his stern stoicness, he really knew how to talk someone down. Maybe that’s what made him such a good leader...

  “But you have a better life now, am I correct?” Hanzo asks, and Jesse nods.

  “Hell of a lot better, for sure.”

  Hanzo nods, continuing. “Then I think it does no good to look back anymore. I know it can be difficult to look ahead when the past is so painful. But you have your whole life ahead of you now. You have a family now. People who love you, I’m very sure. Genji and I...our ‘ahead’ is...much different.” He decides he won’t go into detail. “I don’t know of the things you’ve done in the past and I do not expect you tell me. But you are a good man with a good heart. That is something I know for sure.” He looks at him with a soft smile, and Jesse’s heart skips a beat. Hanzo saying all these things...it was really solidifying a few things in Jesse’s mind and heart. A lot was sort of falling into place.

  Hanzo would be lying if he said that having this talk with Jesse wasn’t making him feel a myriad of things right now...the most important being the fondness, the affection he was feeling right now. Things were...making sense now…

  Jesse smiles a little, trying to blink away the face he was about to start crying. “And here I thought you were a nasty bitch,” He says through a laugh, and all Hanzo can do it roll his eyes and chuckle.

  “Well, I do have some humanity in me, Jesse, I assure you.” He rests a hand on his thigh, squeezing gently. “But I’m serious, Jesse...you do not deserve to dwell on the painful things in your past. You...deserve to be happy. And it might be up to you to remember that, and to act on it. Go out...and get what makes you happy,” He says quietly, and it’s clear to Jesse that that’s all he’s going to say. Jesse rests his hand on top of Hanzo’s and nods slightly.

  “Thanks, Hanzo...really,” He says quietly, smiling slightly. Unsure of what else to say, he stands up. “So, uh...I gotta say, whatever happens...I guess I’ll be here for you too. Okay?” He offers, and Hanzo smiles a little, nodding.

  “Thank you, Jesse,” He says quietly, and Jesse snaps before giving him finger guns and a winning smile and walking out of the room, once more leaving Hanzo alone. Hanzo relaxes into the couch, running a hand through his hair. He’s surprised he didn’t throw up halfway through that conversation. He was kind of surprised that he said what he did after telling his own story. Regardless...it was said and done. 

  And he’d meant every word of it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there's both ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and emotions in this one. ayy

  Jesse sits out on the balcony, a cigarette in his hand. He was drunk, trying to keep his mind numb. His and Hanzo's last talk had been an emotional one, a bonding one, but… there were doubts still swirling around his mind and he wanted to forget them. The night is still and warm, the moon a bit dull, but it still felt good out. Jesse bows his head a bit as he leans against the railing. He closes his eyes, so he doesn't really notice when Hanzo steps outside until Hanzo has a hand on his waist. Jesse looks up quickly. “Oh- hey, Hanzo,” He murmurs, a bit confused.

  Without saying a word, Hanzo kisses him, not even caring that he can taste the smoke and the whiskey on his breath. He'd had a bad day- Gabriel was really pissed that he'd let Genji screw up that mission they were sent on -and all he wanted was some distraction. Jesse was just that. Jesse doesn't bother thinking twice as he kisses him back, dropping his cigarette so he can pull Hanzo closer, arms around his waist. Hanzo's hands move up so he can hold Jesse's face, keeping him held there. They stay like that for a moment before Jesse pulls back, looking into Hanzo's eyes. It's then he can see what he wants; Hanzo might be a fairly quiet man, but his eyes said everything he didn't. It sort of made Jesse want to laugh.

  He smiles and gives Hanzo one last quick kiss before he pushes Hanzo against the railing and drops to his knees, making quick work of getting Hanzo's belt off and his pants down. Hanzo is surprised, definitely, and his hands go back so he can grip the railing, keeping himself steady. He watches as Jesse takes his cock in his hand, giving him a few slow strokes. Jesse was just drunk enough that he was okay with doing this when he actually had no fucking clue what he was doing. He's guessing and winging it, hoping he pulls it off. This was his first time giving a blowjob, he figures he deserves a little bit of slack… Biting his lip, Hanzo looks up and away, embarrassed by what Jesse is doing. It felt good, sure, but Jesse could be so-

  “Oh my-” Jesse has his mouth around Hanzo's hardening cock, taking it slow, paying close attention to the head of it. That was the part that felt best to him, so maybe it worked with Hanzo too. What he doesn't have in his mouth, he has in his hand, stroking whatever he doesn't take in, trying to mimic the few blowjobs he's gotten in the past. Hanzo can't help but groan when he feels Jesse try to take more of him, then lowkey snickers when Jesse gags a little, wincing. “Be careful, McCree,” He whispers, amused, when Jesse leans back to take a breath. Jesse just smiles a bit and nuzzles Hanzo's hip, kissing the skin there before he goes right back to sucking. Hanzo bites his lip, watching for a moment before his head tilts back a bit as Jesse's mouth worked wonders.

  A bit amazed he was actually pulling this off and making Hanzo feel good, Jesse just focuses on bringing Hanzo closer and closer to the edge, closer to cumming. He doesn't have a very long time to decide if he wants to attempt swallowing or not (the idea didn't seem very appealing), because Hanzo decides for him, soon gripping Jesse's hair, his breathing getting shaky, his legs starting to tremble. Jesse's eyes open and he looks right up at Hanzo, making direct eye contact.

  And if that isn't the hottest fucking thing Hanzo had ever seen so far…

  He quickly pulls Jesse off, making the other man gasp in surprise. Hanzo was to cum in his mouth without permission, and he ends up spilling himself all over Jesse's face, his knees buckling a bit as he tries to stay standing up. Jesse just shuts his eyes, grimacing only a little. This wasn't something he expected to experience...ever...but he supposed it isn't that bad. As soon as Hanzo calms down from his orgasm, he quickly fixes himself then falls to his knees in front of Jesse. He takes the sleeve of shirt and carefully wipes off Jesse's face, making the other man smile a little. “Gee, thanks,” He whispers as Hanzo runs the sleeve over his cheeks, around his eyes.

  Hanzo smiles nervously. “I...didn't know what to do,” He murmurs, tilting Jesse's head a bit to make sure he got everything. Well, this shirt definitely needed to be washed now. Maybe burned. Hanzo couldn't decide yet. Jesse just shrugs a bit and looks at him.

  “You feelin’ better?” He asks, having noticed that Hanzo was down in the dumps before he even got started with this. Hanzo simply nods and stands up, taking Jesse's hand and helping him to his feet.

  “Yes, thank you for that.” Hanzo gently brushes Jesse's hair behind his ear before pressing a small kiss to his lips. “...maybe you should go wash up. I think some of it got in your hair,” He whispers, smiling slightly. Jesse just laughs a little, nodding. He gives a little salute to Hanzo before he turns and walks inside, stumbling a little, rubbing the back of his neck. Genji, who just so happened to be standing in the hall around the corner, watches him as he walks past, and turns his head to see Hanzo standing out on the balcony, trying to compose himself.

  Pursing his lips, he crosses his arms and walks outside, eyeing Hanzo. Hanzo looks right back at him, trying not to give anything away. “So, uh. What was that?” He asks casually, and Hanzo inhales sharply.

  “I don't know what you're talking about,” He murmurs, looking away. Genji scoffs, smirking.

  “Hanzo, I'm not an idiot,” He says as he leans against the railing, keeping his eyes on his brother. “...be honest with me, what's going on with you and Jesse?” He asks, his voice quiet and soft, trying not to pry too much. Hanzo just sighs, not saying anything for a moment.

  “I'm not really sure,” He admits, running a hand through his hair. “We...have done some things. Had some serious conversations, I suppose. But that's about it,” He explains, not knowing how else to put it.

  Genji nods slowly, taking this in. “So...did you tell him you like him then?” He asks, as if it should've been obvious that he should have. Especially if they were fooling around now. To Genji's dismay, Hanzo shakes his head. “Damn it, Hanzo.”

  “It's better this way, Genji,” Hanzo quickly insists, crossing his arms. “There's no attachment this way. There's nothing tying us together.”

  “Bullshit. I'm not going to lie, it's obvious that there's something between you two. I know it, Gabriel knows it, and the other agents are starting to catch on too. I know your heart, Hanzo. I know this goes deeper than simply messing around with him.”

  This makes Hanzo go silent. Because, honestly, Genji was right, as much as he hated to agree with him. Even if he tried, he knew deep down he wouldn't be able to shake the feelings he had for Jesse. After a moment, he sighs and puts head in his hands. “You're right,” He whispers. “I'm just...scared, I think. I'm scared of getting in too deep. The thought of liking him was amusing at best before, but now…” His voice trails off, and Genji just sighs quietly, rubbing his brothers back a bit, trying to comfort him. “Things are getting…more intense, I think.”

  “Maybe…” Genji starts, voice low. “...instead of letting him blow you out on balconies you could actually talk to him about what you're feeling,” He suggests, trying to keep his tone and the situation a bit lighter. Hanzo just chuckles, rubbing his hands over his face.

  “How did you know about that?” He asks, looking at him. Genji shrugs a bit.

  “There was still-” He gestures to his own hair. “In Jesse’s hair, there was…yeah,” He takes a breath, glancing down. “And your fly is still down.” Hanzo's eyes widen a bit, and he quickly zips it up, frowning.

  “I'll think about it,” He says quietly, quickly changing the subject. “About telling him, I mean.” Genji nods in approval.

  “Good. I do worry about you, brother. And to me, you deserve to be happy, even if for a little while. Give this a chance.” He gently squeezes Hanzo's shoulder before he heads back inside, leaving Hanzo alone again. Hanzo sighs; he sure was being left alone a lot. This had to be some sort of metaphor for his life…

  Hanzo stays outside for a few minutes, lost in thought, before he goes back inside and to his room, taking off his dirty shirt. He tosses it in his hamper, then sits on his bed. He lies back, thinking of how he could possibly mention it, or bring it up. He wonders how Jesse would take it. He wonders how any of this could possibly be a good thing.

  He falls into a restless sleep.

 

***

 

  Fooling around was fun and all, sure.

  But both of them are finding it harder and harder to keep the way they feel under wraps. More emotion was shining through whenever they did anything, touches getting softer and more tender, kisses more passionate and meaningful… Even the way they acted around each other on the daily was different, with smiles and laughter and comfort. Everyone on the base could see it. They were…happy, and it was obvious. Still, neither of them were ready to face it in depth. They were bonding, there was no denying that at all. But they'd opened up to each other in ways neither of them have to anyone else before, and that was a bit scary. Were they letting each other in too much? What…what were they going to do?

  It comes down to one night, about half a year since they've come to the Blackwatch base. It was Genji's twentieth birthday, and everyone was getting ready for a huge party. It was winter now, but it didn't much feel like winter to the Shimadas, who were used to cold, snowy winters, not warm sunny ones. Genji had mentioned he absolutely loved his birthday in the weeks before his birthday, and Gabriel, being the "dad" of all the younger recruits, decided that they were going to go all out and have an awesome party for him. He was no longer a teenager, after all. The base was decorated, everyone had helped with the the decorations and the food and the music, and Genji was completely thrilled with it all, surprised they were actually having a party. At home, it wouldn't have been this big of a deal; his family was very serious after all. Birthdays weren't special.

  Hanzo couldn't do much gift wise, having pretty limited funds, but he managed to bring a special knife from Japan, one that was carried down from generation to generation in their family. Hanzo didn't have much of a use for it, since blades were never his weapon of choice, but they were Genji's specialty. He engraves it with an ancient proverb that provided protection in battle, by himself. It was cheesy, he thought, but Genji had hugged him tightly and said it was the best gift he'd ever received when he actually gave it to him.

  Jesse, on the other hand, had gotten Genji his own serape, one as green as his hair. Genji had expressed his liking of Jesse's serape once, and Jesse honestly wasn't sure what else to get him. Regardless, he pulled it off because Genji put it on immediately and done a little twirl fo everyone in it. And…Gabriel had gotten Genji a box of black hair dye, funnily enough. Mostly a joke, but at the same time, it was horrendous. Genji had smirked, then tossed it back when he received it.

  “Nice try, Reyes,” He'd said with a smirk. Gabriel just wanted a uniform group of individuals, and Genji stuck out because of his obnoxious green locks. Hanzo just crosses his arms.

  “I wouldn't try it. He won't listen to anyone. He thinks it's cool,” He says with a scoff, and Genji laughs.

  “Because it _is_ cool!” He insists, nudging him a bit and grinning. “You're just jealous, Hanzo,” He teases, and Hanzo rolls his eyes, shaking his head. Jesse smirks and looks at Hanzo.

  “You ever thought of dyin’ your hair?” He asks, nudging him a bit. Hanzo shakes his head quickly.

  “Absolutely not. My father would be furious with me. He was angry enough when Genji did that,” He mutters, gesturing to his brother. Then, he takes a lock of his own hair, pursing his lips a bit. “Anyways…I wouldn't want to ruin this. It's far too nice.”

  Jesse laughs out loud, shaking his head. “You're too cute,” He murmurs, gently brushing Hanzo's hair behind his ear, making Hanzo go a bit still, glancing around as a blush creeps into his cheeks. Jesse quickly takes his hand back when he sees Genji watching. Luckily, no one else happened to see. Genji just rolls his eyes, muttering something in Japanese. Whatever it was, it makes Hanzo gasp and glare at him. Jesse raises an eyebrow. “What did he say?” He asks.

  “Something nasty,” Hanzo mutters, gently shoving Genji away, waving him off and silently demanding he go somewhere else. Jesse just laughs again, shaking his head. He puts his arm around Hanzo's shoulders and squeezes him a bit.

  “Won't ask what it was,” He murmurs, and Hanzo decides that Jesse holding him like this isn't the worst thing to ever happen, so he decides to relax into him, nodding slightly, not saying anything else.

  Sometime an hour or so later, Jesse has made his way away from Hanzo and to the back of the room, his mood having shifted quite suddenly. It confused Hanzo, but if Jesse had wanted to talk about it, he would've. Hanzo has been with Genji for a while anyways, but he sort of catches Jesse backing out of the room, a bit of a distressed look on his face. Hanzo knows they don't have many more boundaries to cross after these past few months, but he's still worried about upsetting Jesse. Once more, if he'd wanted to talk about it, he would've. Hanzo sighs and enjoys the party a little more before his worries get the best of him and he follows the direction Jesse went in.

  Unsurprisingly, he's out on the balcony, smoking. The balcony has sort of become their special spot. All the important stuff seemed to happen here, coincidentally. Neither minded it. Jesse doesn't look over when he hears Hanzo open and close the door. He doesn't look over when Hanzo leans against the railing with him.

  “Are you okay?” Hanzo asks quietly, trying to sound concerned. Jesse looks over then nods, humming softly.

  “Yeah, I'm alright. Just got a lot on my mind I s’pose.” He takes a drag of his cigarette. “I've been doin’ a lot of thinkin’.” He glances at him, and Hanzo meets his eyes for a second before looking away again.

  Hanzo starts playing with hands. “What have you been thinking about?” He asks, looking at his hands. He has a feeling he already knows. This conversation was bound to happen sooner or later... Jesse only chuckles in response, flicking his cigarette out of his hand and sighing, closing his eyes. Hanzo manages to look at him again, and he can't help but think about how beautiful he looked right now, the moon illuminating him in a way that makes Hanzo's heart skip a beat.

  Jesse sighs, shaking his head a bit. “I won't lie to you. I've been thinking about us,” He murmurs, and Hanzo nods slowly. Of course he had. The silence resumes, aside from the occasional gust of wind and the dull sound of music coming from inside. It seemed like the party might be dying down, but neither of them cared right now. This was much more pressing.

  He'd been thinking of them. Jesse had been thinking of them. But what about them? Was it good, was it bad? Hanzo's head starts to swim a bit thinking of it all. He takes a breath, then closes his eyes. Then...he decides he can't keep it in anymore. He doesn't even wait for Jesse to explain himself. It comes out before he can even stop himself, before he can even think about what the hell he's about to say. It all comes out in one rushed sentence. “Jesse, I've been thinking of us too, and- and I think I'm in love with you,” He whispers, eyes shut tight. It's silent again, mostly because Jesse goes still in shock. Did he hear that right? Did he just hear what he thought he heard, or was he just going crazy? The lack of immediate response makes Hanzo start to panic, and he's about to say something else, to say he was only joking or something, when Jesse laughs nervously.

  “I think I'm in love with you too,” He says back, looking at him, a nervous, scared look on his face. “And I'm Goddamn terrified of it,” He admits, running a hand through his hair, laughing again. Hanzo can only manage to look back at him for a moment before he sniffles a bit, tears threatening to well up. He was just a bit overwhelmed.

  “I've never had to deal with anything like this before,” He admits quietly, looking away again. “With anyone. And…I'm scared. I'm scared of these feelings and I'm scared of letting myself fall too hard.” He bows his head, closing his eyes tightly, almost afraid to look at him. After a second or two, he feels Jesse's hand on his back.

  “I'll tell ya, I'm feelin’ everything you are. I'm scared of the exact same things, Han, but…you told me to go get what made me happy, so…” He wraps his arm around Hanzo's shoulder and pulls him close, gently rubbing his arm, trying to be comforting. After all they've done up to now, all the somewhat emotional talks they've had, and the bonding they've done, even if it wasn't intentional. After the sexual things, the laughs and the smiles, the teasing and the jokes. What else were they going to say? What else were they going to do? There just wasn't any denying it anymore. Jesse sighs quietly. “I guess we can be scared together.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
> it's time

  Coming out wasn't exactly something they wanted to do. What they had was between them…and Genji, who'd snaked his way into everything. He was basically the only one that knew they were officially together once it happened, as far as the two of them knew, and he'd been sworn to secrecy. Hanzo and Jesse were satisfied with just keeping it to themselves for now. Things felt easier now that they had finally gotten everything cleared up and out of the way.

  They felt…at ease. Happy. Good things. 

  One evening sometime in the late winter, Gabriel comes into the common room, all dressed and ready to go for a mission. Jesse looks up from where he sits with Hanzo and Genji, raising an eyebrow. “Where ya off too, Reyes?” He asks, smiling slightly. “Didn't know we had any jobs this week.”

  Gabriel smirks. “C’mon, McCree. This is just you and me, let's go,” He murmurs, snapping his fingers and pointing to the door. Jesse rolls his eyes and stands up, taking his arm from where it was around Hanzo's shoulders. 

  “Fine, fine. See you two later.” He tips his hat at the brothers and follows Gabriel out, just a little annoyed. “So, what's up? Something randomly come up on the radar?” He asks, shoving his hands in his pockets. Gabriel shakes his head, leading Jesse out to the van.

  “Mm-mm. Just get in, son,” He says, gesturing to the van. Jesse sighs and gets in, shaking his head.

  “You're not gonna shoot me, are you?” He asks, voice just a bit tinged with worry. Gabriel laughs and shakes his head, getting in and starting the van. 

  “No, no, nothing like that. Just wanna talk, okay?” He starts driving, and Jesse raises an eyebrow. Before he can ask what about, Gabriel speaks again. “I care about you like you're my own, Jesse. And you are my own, in my mind. But…I want you to be able to trust me.”

 “What do you mean? I trust you plenty,” Jesse says with a confused shrug. Gabriel sighs.

  “No. I mean…you trusted me enough to tell me about your, you know, confusion about everything going on-”

  “Oh God.”

  “And, okay, I'll admit, I asked Genji if soemthing was up with you guys, because I've noticed some things.”

  “Reyes, c'mon. Nosy.”

  “So, if something is going on between you two now-”

  “ _ Please, Gabe. _ ”

  “And according to Genji, something  _ is _ going on-”

  “Holy hell please stop.”

  “I want to be trusted enough for you to tell me about it too.” His tone has gone soft, maybe even a little concerned.

  Jesse grimaces a bit, going silent for just a couple seconds before he finally speaks. “Nothin’ is goin on,” He says in a rather unconvincing tone. Gabriel looks over and raises an eyebrow. 

  “That didn't sound very convincing, you know.” He sighs and looks forward. “...I'm…I'm your father, Jesse, and…I care about what you're going through and I want to be here for you.”

  Jesse is quiet for a moment, thinking it over. Gabriel was right. And Jesse appreciated and loved the hell out of him for everything he's done for him. Getting him out if jail, taking him in, caring for him even though it was so obvious he was just a basket case. He didn't give up on him, even when everyone else did. Jesse couldn't even try to lie; Gabriel was his father in every way besides blood. So he sighs and shakes his head. “Alright, ya got me. Me and Hanzo, we got a thing goin’ for us.”

  Gabriel nods, clearing his throat. “That's nice. And you…really like him?” He asks quietly, looking at him. Jesse nods.

  “That's usually why people get together, yes,” He murmurs, a bit exasperated. Gabriel nods slowly, clearing his throat.

  “So…do you plan on…getting…you know, intimate?”

  Jesse gapes, his whole body going hot with pure embarrassment. “No way are you givin’ me the fuckin’ birds and the bees talk, Reyes!” He shouts, face burning hot. He's lowkey angry when Gabriel starts laughing, clearly amused by Jesse's reaction. 

  “Jesse, listen to me,” He says through his laughter. “It's- now, I know you've been with women. But…it's- look, it's different with a man, okay?” He tries to explain, and Jesse looks bewildered. 

  “I mean, aside from the pretty obvious difference in fuckin’ genetalia, how the hell is it different?” He demands. Gabriel clears his throat again, shifting in his seat. Then Jesse is even more baffled. “And how the fuck do  _ you _ know?!” He goes quiet when Gabriel doesn't answer. “Wait. Wait a second, wait a second, are you  _ gay _ ?” He asks, voice merely a whisper, his eyes wide with surprise and scandal.

  Gabriel winces a little, taking a breath. “Um…well. I mean, I had a- a boyfriend, I suppose, before Blackwatch was formed. But I wasn't…I don't think- that's besides the point-!”

  “Oh my God, you had a boyfriend,” He whispers, eyes wide. He covers his mouth, trying to hide his smile. “Gabriel Goddamn Reyes had a boyfriend-” Then his smile fades. “...wait,  _ had _ ? What happened?”

  Gabriel sighs, shaking his head. “We broke up. People break up, it happens. Anyways, that's not what we're talking about right now. I just need to be sure that you'll be safe, you hear me? Because it's just as important as being safe with a woman. And I'm assuming you never actually had any sort of sex talk so I don't trust that you even knew how to be safe back then either…”

  “Hey, I picked up a thing or two from the older guys, I wasn't a complete idiot,” He insists, crossing his arms with a huff. “Anyways, we’ve already done a thing or two. I mean, we haven't done the whole home run but…”

  Raising an eyebrow, Gabriel looks at him. “Right. So…like I said, this is important stuff you need to know, so…As painful as this conversation is- and I promise we can get shit faced and forget all about it once we get back home -we have to have it. So, here how it goes…”

 

***

 

  Jesse’s tanned skin is flushed red down to his neck by the time he steps out of the van back at the base. He doesn't make eye contact with Gabriel either; that drink was sounding better than ever right about now. “Ya know,” He murmurs as they head back inside. “I don't think I wanna have sex anymore. That's- that was-” He can't even finish his sentence. 

  “It was the truth, Jesse,” He murmurs, squeezing his shoulder. “Safety first. Number one priority.” He smacks his hand away, grimacing. 

  “Okay, okay, I get it. Now let's get drunk, Goddamn.” 

  And drunk is exactly what they do. Hanzo has to help Jesse into bed because he can't really walk up the stairs, but it isn't really a problem. Whatever he and Gabriel talked about must've warranted this, so he can't be upset. Still, he doesn't bring it up until a good few days later as he and Jesse are relaxing after a morning of training together. 

  “So, the other night,” He says, sort of out of nowhere. Jesse looks at him, raising an eyebrow. 

  “What about it?” He asks, confused. Hanzo bites his lip for a second before he speaks. 

  “What did you guys talk about? It…seems like it was bad. You two got very drunk,” He murmurs, looking Jesse. Jesse can't help but laugh. 

  “Oh. No, no, it wasn't bad st all. Embarrassin’ as all hell but not bad,” He assures him, waving his hand a bit. Hanzo is quiet, looking at him, expecting him to explain. Jesse notices, then sighs. “Alright, he…he kinda gave me the sex talk. Well, not kinda, he  _ did _ give me the sex talk. Day late and a dollar short if you ask me, but…yeah.”

  He looks down at his hands, which he's started playing with. “Oh…so you…want to have sex with me, then?” He asks, glancing up at him. Jesse shrugs a bit, taking a breath.

  “Yeah. I mean, of course I do. We’ve already come pretty close, haven't we?” He asks with a chuckle, and Hanzo grins, nodding. 

  “You're correct. But…you know I have absolutely no experience besides what we've done. Going ‘all the way’ is something I've never done,” He reminds him quietly. Jesse just nods, pressing a kiss to his forehead. 

  “I know, darlin’. But I do want you like that. I do.” He gently strokes Hanzo's hair back, making Hanzo smile. 

  “Me too.” He sighs and rests his head on Jesse's shoulder. “...how do we do it?” He asks quietly, taking Jesse's hand. Then, he quickly shakes his head. “I mean- I know how it's done, obviously, but I- I don't know the details, I'm sorry.” Jesse chuckles, but doesn't say anything for a moment. 

  This was about to be cheesy as all hell, but whatever. What did he have to lose, right? “Can I, um…show you?” He looks down at Hanzo, whose eyes suddenly go wide. 

  Woah. 

  He leans back and looks at Jesse. He doesn't take very long to think about it, because he does want Jesse. He's wanted him for a while, he supposed. And sure, the thought of having something up his ass didn't sound the most appealing, but clearly Jesse had been told some secrets or something, considering the fact it appeared that Gabriel hadn't held back any details about the process. “Yes, Jesse. You can.”

 

***

 

  Hanzo bites his lip, his heart beating fast and hard in his chest as Jesse's lips kissed at his neck. Hanzo slides his fingers into Jesse's hair, shivering when he feels Jesse's hand slip between his legs, his hand cupping Hanzo's cock through his pants. Hanzo grunts a bit, eyes slipping closed as he tries to thrust up against Jesse's hand.

  “You okay?” Jesse asks just to check in, his tanned skin a bit pink. They'd just gotten to bed, and he was a little scared they were rushing this. This was, in all honesty, the first time he's truly cared about the person he was having sex with. This was the first time he's...actually been in love with someone before. His eyes were a bit wide, and Hanzo is able to see that he's a bit worried. Hanzo smiles a little and nods, brushing his hair behind his ear. 

  “I'm okay, yeah,” He whispers, his pale skin steadily becoming more and more pink as the time passed. 

  Jesse just smiles and nods, taking his hand back so he can cup Hanzo's face in his hands, leaning in a bit. He kisses him again, more urgently than before. Hanzo's heart flutters, and he kisses him right back, letting Jesse's tongue slip into his mouth. It makes him shiver, but he loves it. 

  Shaky hands start to fumble with the buttons of Jesse's shirt, and Jesse just smiles before helping him out. He shrugs his shirt off and tosses it to the floor. Hanzo just stares in awe for a moment before he bites his lip again. He looks into Jesse's eyes before he looks back down at his chest. It was nothing he hadn't seen before, but it was so different now that they were really, really doing this. He slowly runs his hands across his skin, and he feels a new burst of heat come to his cheeks when he feels him shiver beneath his hands. He looks into Jesse's eyes, smiling a bit. Jesse just grins and pushes him onto his back, kissing him hard, nudging Hanzo's legs apart with his knees so he can get between them.

  Hanzo groans quietly when Jesse gently grinds his clothed, semi-hard cock against his, the feeling of the friction making Hanzo's own cock twitch in interest. It was bringing back the memory of their first little encounter on that damn training room floor, and if anything it was turning Hanzo on even more. Jesse slides his hands up Hanzo's shirt for a second, just sort of feeling him up, before he just pulls it off of him and tosses it to the floor next to his own shirt. Looking down at Hanzo for a moment, he leans down and very gently presses kisses to Hanzo's chest, leaving a trail of them across his chest, down to the ‘V’ right above waistband of his pants. He pauses for a moment before he starts tugging Hanzo's pants down, biting his lip nervously. Alright, he did this once, he can definitely do it again. Maybe even better this time.

  As Jesse slides his pants off, Hanzo's eyes roll up to the ceiling, his heart starting to beat quicker again, his whole body going hot. He shifts his legs apart so Jesse can rest between them easier. He looks down when he feels Jesse's breath against the skin of his inner thigh, and he whimpers just a bit when he feels Jesse's lips on his skin. 

  If his dick wasn't hard before, it certainly was now. But, he shakes his head, his heart starting to pound a bit harder. Was he actually about to do this..? “Mm, no, wait…let me…” He whispers. A big thrill goes through Jesse, and he happily slides back up, letting Hanzo sit up, tug Jesse's pants off, then get between his legs. 

  What a pleasant surprise. 

  Hanzo smiles sheepishly and takes Jesse's cock in his hand. He bites his lip for a moment, trying to decide how to do this, and ultimately deciding he'll copy what Jesse's done to him. Jesse folds his arms behind his head, propping his head up enough so he could watch what Hanzo was doing. Hanzo takes a breath and presses a feather light kiss to the head of Jesse's cock, his breath hot against the sensitive area. Jesse sighs quietly, keeping an eye on Hanzo, who looked adorably embarrassed by what he was doing. Slowly, and after a moment of psyching himself up, he takes Jesse’s cock into his mouth, taking his time with it, keeping it slow and steady. 

  Jesse has to stop himself from thrusting up into Hanzo's mouth when he starts taking more of him in, really getting to work. Jesse adored the feeling of Hanzo's mouth around him; This hadn't happened before, so this moment was extra special. He moves one hand out from behind his head so he can rest it against the back of Hanzo's head, feeling him bob his head up and down repeatedly. 

  Hanzo's hands and tongue were working wonders down there, even if the actions were just a tad unsure, and Jesse knew he wouldn't be able to last very long like this. Pretty sure that Hanzo wouldn't enjoy swallowing or getting a facial just yet, he gently grips Hanzo's hair and pulls up, making Hanzo sit up, an eyebrow raised. “What?” He murmurs, and Jesse just smiles. 

  “Don't wanna finish yet, darlin'.” He pulls Hanzo up so he can kiss him, not even hesitating to do so. Hanzo smiles slightly, pulling back and nodding a bit. “Can we, ah…”

  “We can,” Hanzo murmurs, looking down at him, his pale skin flushed from his cheeks down to his neck. Jesse grins and nods, sitting up and switching places with him. He gets back between Hanzo's legs, allowing Hanzo only a glance at the rest of his body. Hanzo bites his lip then looks into Jesse's eyes, cupping his face with one hand and stroking his cheek with his thumb. He was nervous, but…he wanted this, he wanted Jesse. 

  Smiling sheepishly, Jesse kisses Hanzo's forehead. “I gotta be honest, darlin’. I…prepared ahead ‘a time…” 

  Hanzo raises an eyebrow. “What do you mean?” He asks quietly, and Jesse shrugs a bit before reaching into his nightstand and pulling out a bottle of lube and a condom. Hanzo can't help but choke a bit. Fuck. “How long have you..?” He asks quietly, and Jesse shrugs as gets a couple of his fingers lubed up, hoping he's doing this all right. Embarrassingly enough, Gabriel told him that “preparation” was important. It was helpful information, but still blush-inducing. Hanzo is watching him very carefully, but doesn't think to question it, figuring Jesse knows what to do since he seems a little more confident. He'd thought you just- you know, you just shoved it up there. But he supposed not.

  “Since me and Reyes talked. Had to…you know, gear up, I guess. Lemme tell ya, it was embarrassin’, havin’ to buy all this,” He murmurs, kissing Hanzo's cheek before he smiles slightly. “Can I, um…” Hanzo quickly nods, clearing his throat. 

  “Yes. Go ahead.”

  Jesse nods, very slowly and carefully sliding his fingers into Hanzo, who just winces, looking up towards the ceiling. Jesse feels nervous, seeing that look on Hanzo's face, but Hanzo doesn't tell him to stop, so… He waits a beat before starting to move his fingers slowly, taking his time. He hoped to God he was doing this right, because the last thing he wanted was to really hurt Hanzo. Hanzo, who happened to look a bit indifferent about this. “Is it, um, okay?” Jesse asks quietly, and Hanzo nods. 

  “Mhm, it's fine,” He hums quietly, smiling softly. “So is this, ah, normal procedure?” He asks curiously, wincing again when Jesse tries to nudge in another finger. Jesse nods.

  “It's what Gabe said, so…” He shifts his hand a bit, making his fingers bend a bit, and Hanzo lets out a little groan. Well  _ that _ was a new sensation inside of him. Jesse goes still. “What. What happened? Did I-”

  Hanzo shakes his head, cutting him off. “Whatever you did, it…uh...felt good,” He admits quietly, his pale skin going even more red than before. Jesse raises an eyebrow. Wait…what the hell did he do? He sighs quietly, guessing and hooking his fingers forward again, and Hanzo inhales sharply. “Yes, that.”

  “ _ Oh _ , okay, okay,” Jesse murmurs. He'll keep that in mind. He's really glad Hanzo is communicating with him; he felt that was important with this sort of thing. He continues trying to stretch Hanzo, who starts looking a little impatient. He doesn't really say anything, just pleased with the occasional little press of whatever it was that made him feel good from the inside too.

  “Are you done yet?” Hanzo whispers, and Jesse just gives a half-hearted shrug before taking his hand back. 

  “Guess so,” He mumbles before grabbing the condom, opening it up, and sliding it on. He's not sure what to lube up, his cock or Hanzo's ass, so he takes a wild guess and does both, a confused look on his face as he does so. Hanzo can't help but laugh, because the look was pretty amusing. The cold of the lube makes him shiver, but his main focus was all on Jesse. Even if he did look like he didn't know  _ for sure  _ what he was doing or if it was correct, he was still adorable. Jesse just chuckles and flips Hanzo off with his free hand. "Fuck off, I'm doin' my best," He mutters playfully, and Hanzo laughs again, leaning up and giving him a quick kiss.

   "I know, Jesse," He whispers, smiling against his lips. Hanzo then takes a breath and spreads his legs a little more, allowing Jesse a little more room to work with. Jesse leans forward and presses a kiss to Hanzo’s forehead, smiling a bit. “You ready, darlin’?” He asks quietly, giving Hanzo's cheek a little stroke with his clean hand. 

  Nodding, Hanzo's shifts his hips a bit. “Yes,” He whispers, smiling slightly. Jesse gives him another kiss before getting himself in a good position, then, carefully and slowly, he pushes into Hanzo. Hanzo exhales slowly, his eyes slipping closed. Jesse takes his time, not wanting to overwhelm Hanzo. It was…different, than being inside a woman, but it wasn't bad by any means. Tight, squeezing around him just the right way, making a shiver go through him. 

  Once he's in as far as he can go, Hanzo takes another breath, finally seeming to relax. Jesse grunts quietly, nuzzling into Hanzo's neck. “Tell me when you're good to go, darlin’,” He whispers into Hanzo's ear, and Hanzo sighs shakily. This was such a new feeling- a lowkey painful one at that -so he takes a good minute or two before he finally nods. Jesse has started shaking from holding himself back by now, but when Hanzo nods, he breathes a sigh of relief before pulling out a bit, then pushing right back in. The little gasp that comes from Hanzo makes Jesse smile a bit. Hot. 

  He moves slowly, mostly to make sure Hanzo is okay, but also because hell, should a first time be rushed and rough? Jesse didn't think so. At least, uh, with someone he really, really liked, anyways… they could work up to that. Hanzo is pleasantly responsive, albeit quietly. Jesse absolutely adores every one of Hanzo's sounds. Each moan, sigh, gasp all sent shivers through Jesse, and he's so relieved that he's making him feel good. After a few moments of keeping it slow and sweet, Jesse picks up the pace just a bit, biting his lip. 

  Hanzo winces a bit, his legs coming up to rest by Jesse's sides, lowkey sliding around his waist. Jesse smirks playfully before he grabs Hanzo's thighs, squeezing gently. Hanzo chuckles quietly and grips Jesse's face, pulling him down kissing him a bit hard. Jesse kisses him back, his stomach coiling up a bit. God, he was so damn turned on. Each movement was pushing him closer, and he was afraid he was going to end up cumming before Hanzo. Which would be unfortunate, and unfair to Hanzo. So he forces it down, trying to focus more on Hanzo's pleasure. Ooh, an idea pops into his head. He smiles against Hanzo's lips and takes one of his hands back, instead wrapping it around Hanzo's cock, making the other man gasp, then moan once he starts stroking him. 

  Hanzo loved this attention, amazed at how good this could feel, inside and out. He kisses Jesse again, starting to breath a bit harder. “Jesse,” He breathes against his lips, the word coming out shaky. But it's the most beautiful thing Jesse has heard up to now. The way he said his name... Goddamn, it was beautiful…

  “Fuck, darlin’,” Jesse whispers, thrusting into him a bit more roughly, making Hanzo moan, his hands gripping Jesse's hair. His eyes slip shut, his chest starting to heave a bit. 

  “I'm- I can't-” He's starting to pant, and Jesse is worried for a second until he realizes that Hanzo's body is starting to tense up.  _ Ah _ . Jesse kisses his neck a bit, keeping up his pace. Hanzo starts trembling, wrapping his arms around Jesse's neck, squeezing his eyes shut tight. His back arches up off the bed, and just a few seconds later, he cums, spilling himself on Jesse's hand and his own stomach, a long, low moan escaping past his lips. He clenches around Jesse in the most lovely way, making Jesse groan. He rests his forehead on Hanzo's shoulder, working himself to orgasm soon after. 

  “Fuck, fuckin’-  _ Hanzo _ -” Jesse gives one last hard thrust inside of him, going still as he cums, keeping his face nestles in Hanzo's neck. Hanzo just takes this time to catch his breath, his chest heaving as he gets a grip on the back of Jesse's head. Once Jesse finally goes a bit limp, he gently strokes his hair a bit, closing his eyes. 

  Neither of them say anything, both just taking time to let their breathing get back to normal. Jesse presses a kiss to Hanzo's neck before he sits up, looking down at Hanzo. He offers him a small smile, and Hanzo chuckles before sitting up just enough to kiss him. “I love you, Jesse,” He whispers, and Jesse runs his fingers through Hanzo's hair, brushing a stray lock behind his ear. 

  “God, do I love you too, Hanzo,” He whispers before kissing him again. 

  And they did love each other, they really did. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that was a thing.  
> i haven't written smut in a really long time so it's probably shitty but oh well. there ya go


	10. Chapter 10

  Genji jogs up to Hanzo as Hanzo walks inside with Gabriel, the two of them having just gotten back from a more lowkey mission. “Hey, Hanzo,” He says cheerfully, smiling a bit. “Can I talk to you?” He asks. Hanzo pulls off his beanie, then takes his hair out it's ponytail. 

  “About what?” He asks, shrugging off his coat and hanging it up. Genji grins, nudging him. 

  “You know,” He murmurs, and Hanzo goes still, glancing at him, then at Gabriel, who is standing there, silent. Gabriel lets out a low whistle before pointing in a direction away from Hanzo and Genji, then going in that direction. He'd just...take off his gear somewhere else. Hanzo sighs and looks at his brother. 

  “Um…no, I don't know,” He murmurs, crossing his arms. Genji sighs impatiently. 

  “You and Jesse. How is it going? I mean…I assume it's going well, considering you two-” Genji can't finish his sentence, because Hanzo claps a hand over his mouth, silencing him, his face bright red. 

  “Do not talk about that so freely, brother,” He hisses, glaring at him. “And how do you even know about that?” He demands, and Genji shoves Hanzo's hand away, rolling his eyes. 

  “My room is right next to Jesse's, remember? I heard…everything,” He whispers, looking just a bit traumatized. He eyes his brother. “I didn't think you would bottom.” 

  Hanzo looks scandalized. “I-” What does he even say to that? “It's none of your business!” He snaps, trying to keep his voice quiet.

  Genji crosses his arms, rolling his eyes. “Hanzo, you know I care about you. And I care about your wellbeing. So, on a more serious note…how are you going to handle this when we go back home? I, um…I know you love him.” He shifts a bit, starting to look pretty serious, which wasn't something Genji often was. That makes Hanzo take a step back and think. 

  His anger subsides pretty quickly, and he slumps his shoulders. “I…” He sighs quietly, running a hand through his hair. “I don't know. I suppose…that I’ll just enjoy him while I can. And when we have to leave…that’ll be it…”

  Genji frowns a bit. “What about Jesse?” He asks, and Hanzo looks a little confused. 

  “What about him?” He asks quietly, and Genji sighs impatiently. 

  “Hanzo, I know I said- I know I said that you should admit how you felt towards him, to give it a chance, but...to be honest, once we leave, we won't be coming back.” Genji rubs the back of his neck. He looks upset, maybe even a little heartbroken on Jesse's behalf. “I don't know. We got a call while you were out with Reyes. Father is only getting worse. They don't think he'll live any longer than a few more weeks.” Hanzo stiffens, eyeing his brother. His mouth set in a hard line, he opts not to say anything. “I just think think you need to be careful.” Genji continues. “If not for your sake, then for Jesse’s.” He wasn't often the one providing words of wisdom or advice, so Hanzo is just a bit surprised he's being given a lecture by his younger brother. 

  Instead of talking back, he just nods, deciding not to comment on their father only getting sicker. He'd accepted his destiny long, long ago…and he couldn't find it in him to care right now. “Fine,” He says quietly. He's sure it'll be easier to leave than Genji is assuming. Sure, he loved Jesse. Quite a lot, too. But maybe this really was just a fling. He's…sure Jesse feels that way too. They both knew what they were getting into going into this. They may have feelings for each other very strong ones at that, but they know it can't and won't last. Oh well. Hanzo will talk about it with Jesse later, the night after they had sex for the first time  _ probably _ wasn't the best time to talk about a break up.

  For now, Hanzo doesn't think about it. 

 

***

 

  Jesse watches as Genji assembles the rifle as they sit atop a high building, watching the shitty little building a bit of a distance away. They were a group of domestic terrorists who'd recently been organized from some Overwatch outcasts and various people who just wanted to see Overwatch ripped apart, according to documentation and stake outs conducted. They had a careful plan concocted, one to destroy one of the city’s biggest business buildings, a plan that Overwatch had intercepted and told Blackwatch to take care of before anyone got hurt. The goal wasn't to kill everyone…just the leader, just enough to scare everyone off. They didn't need a big body count, not at all.  

  Jesse can’t help but be proud of Genji as he watches him assemble the rifle. He was doing so well transitioning from that Goddamn sword to an actual, useful assassination tool. “Swords are useful, McCree,” Genji insists with a smirk as he tweaks with the scope a little bit, peering through it. “I don’t care about what you say anyways. At all.” Jesse snickers from where he sits behind him.

  “May be useful in the olden days or somethin’, but out here? Dealin’ with bad guys? Genji, come on. Guns are much better.” He nudges him, smirking, and Genji rolls his eyes and smacks Jesse’s hand away from him.    

  “They may be efficient, yes, but that doesn’t make them better.” He carefully sets it on the ground, making sure it's level. “Now be quiet. I have to focus.” He gets on his stomach, trying to find a good point to watch from his scope. Jesse gives a big shrug before he sits back and starts getting his own gun assembled so he can watch the back entrance of the building. He was only really there for backup, but he hopes he isn’t needed. He was confident in Genji’s abilities; the boy might be a smart ass, but he got serious when the situation called for it, even if he was occasionally stubborn. Jesse supposed the stubbornness ran in the family.

  “Let me know if you need any help,” He says quietly as he gets his gun assembled at expert speed. Ms. Amari could be thanked for his skill. She’d made a stop by the Blackwatch base a time or two to help train snipers. She had quite the sharp eye for things like this…

  Genji only nods, keeping his eyes on his target, who slinks out of the front entrance to meet with someone just arriving. Jesse gets himself positioned correctly, shifting a bit, trying to get as comfortable as he could on a hard concrete roof. Comfort was a big concern for Jesse, but that just might be him being picky. Genji was essentially the same, just… less whiney about it. The night is silent, aside from the chatter from the people below them, but their target is nowhere to be seen, unfortunately. They’re both keeping careful eyes on where they need to watch. After about half an hour, Genji quietly lets Jesse know he has eyes on the target, to which Jesse just hums. And a couple moments later, Jesse inhales sharply. 

  “Genji. Hey, be careful, I think I see somethin’ a little ways away,” Jesse whispers, peering through his scope to try and see clearer, sounding worried, especially when he hears Genji groan quietly. “What now?” He asks quietly, concerned. 

  “Can't get a clear shot anymore,” He mutters with a grimace, his finger twitching on his trigger. “What do we do?” He asks, and Jesse is quiet, aside from a distressed sigh. 

  “I don't think we-”

  “McCree, we don't have much time, what do I do?” Genji urges, clearly not in the mood for joking.

  “Give me a Goddamn second, I'm trying to-” 

  “They're going to get away if we don't do something. We  _ need _ to do this  _ now _ .” Genji's finger starts pressing, his hand shaking just a bit. This was the best opportunity. If they fucked this up, though, Gabriel would have their asses. And not just him, either. Commander Morrison would most likely make a personal appearance to kick their asses too. Too many lives were at stake here.

  “Wait, wait- Oh, hell, Shimada, don't you fuckin’ shoot, that's an order,” Jesse snaps over his shoulder, suddenly sounding panicked as he starts slowly moving away from his gun, but Genji shakes his head stubbornly. 

  “You have no idea what you're doing, McCree, clearly,” Genji huffs and he gets his aim right again, managing to finally get a clear shot. And he shoots, hitting their target perfectly…But Jesse gasps at what Genji's done, then cries out in pain when another shot rings out through the night, one that didn't come from either of them. Genji's head spins around to face Jesse.

  “ _ What did I tell you, Shimada _ ?!” Jesse growls out through his teeth, clutching his arm. “There was- there was a-” He scrambles to his feet, not even bothering with his gun. Confused and horrified that Jesse had gotten shot, Genji gets up, hurrying over to Jesse, who is trying his best to get off the damn roof as fast as he can.

  “What the hell is going on?” Genji demands as they scale their way down. Jesse groans every time he has to move his arm, and by the time they're on the ground and hurrying toward the car, Jesse is seething. 

  “There was a  _ sniper _ watching us, Genji!” Jesse snaps as he throws open the van door. “A Goddamn sniper-  _ holy fucking shit _ -” He shoves the keys in Genji's hands. “Drive the fucking van-” 

  “Stop cussing!” Genji shouts, doing as he's told, frantic. His head was swimming a bit, and he was having a little trouble focusing, but once they're back on the road and well away from the terrorist base, he looks at Jesse, who is still seething, clutching his bleeding arm. “What the hell happened, McCree?” He demands, and Jesse glares at him. 

  “Genji, I  _ told  _ you not to shoot!” Jesse snaps, his eyes shut tight. “I was just lookin’ around to make sure everything was clear and I saw- I saw the other fuckin’ sniper across the way, they must’a known we were comin’.” He inhales sharply, very obviously in pain. “If you hadn't- if you'd just listened and backed off maybe we coulda made it out, come back to try it again.” He thumps the back of his head against the headrest. “And now I'm gonna bleed out before we make it back to base.”

  Genji has no idea what to say. He hadn't been thinking. He hadn't listened. Why didn't he listen? “I'm sorry,” He whispers, gripping the wheel tighter as he drives, pressing his foot down on the gas some more, slowly speeding up. “I should've listened to you.”

  “Mhm, ya shoulda,” Jesse mutters bitterly. Genji isn't sure what else to say, but he can admit that he's confused when Jesse laughs. Genji glances over at him with a questioning look. Jesse grins, then. “They must not have a good shot because they missed my dome,” He murmurs, tapping the side of his head with the hand of his uninjured arm. Genji can’t help but let out a quiet, exasperated chuckle.

  He shakes his head a bit. “You’re not going to bleed out, Jesse,” He assures him with a small smile.

  “You don't know that for sure,” Jesse claims, turning up his nose, scoffing. “Mr. Know-It-All.” Glancing over, Genji just smiles fondly. 

  “Okay, fine,” He says quietly, deciding not to argue. “Well...let’s look in the bright side here...we still did what we came to do,” He tries, trying to make light of the situation.

  “Mm, yeah, we did. My arm still fuckin’ hurts though…shit, I can't believe I didn't see the other sniper before. I thought I looked around enough…” Any joking in Jesse's tone has suddenly left, and he looks tired. “I put us in danger by not double checkin’. I'm sorry, Genji.” 

  “Jesse, don't be sorry,” Genji says with a sigh. “This is my fault. I shouldn't have made that shot. I should've listened to you.” He grips the steering wheel a little tighter, deciding to stay quiet when Jesse doesn't really respond with anything other than a quiet sigh. He thinks for a moment, then a bit of dread settles in him. “Those people…they were smart...they knew someone would be after them…”

  Jesse looks over, then nods once. “I, uh...guess they did.” He furrows his brow. “Kinda odd. None of our other hits have ever actually taken precautions before. These guys are probably pretty professional- what were they called again?” He asks, closing his eyes and trying to remember.

  “Talon,” Genji provides, glancing over at him. Jesse nods slowly, remembering. 

  “Right, right. Hey, damn, they even have a name, of course they're professionals. Goddamn.” He shakes his head quickly. “We shoulda known, maybe come with backup. Hanzo coulda helped,” He muses quietly, thinking it over a bit. “Oh well, it's over now. I'm tired.” He rests his head against the window. 

  Genji frowns a bit, worried. “We've still got an hour and a half before we get back to the base, you should be fine until then. You're not bleeding that badly.”

  Jesse raises an eyebrow, lifting his hand off his wound, then looking at it. He actually wasn't as injured as he thought. Upon inspection, he finds that his shirt had torn on the sleeve, and the bullet had only grazed him. He still bled a lot, but it definitely wasn't very bad, and it had mostly stopped by now. “Oh.” 

  “Mhm,” Genji hums, smiling slightly. “You'll be fine. But hey, why don't we have a drink once we get back? You really look like you could use one.”

  “Yeah, no thanks to you, asshole,” Jesse huffs, but it doesn't seem like he's very upset anymore, which is a relief to Genji. “Anyways, you shouldn't even be drinking. It's not legal for you here.”

  “Does anyone actually care?” Genji protests, sneering a bit. “Gabe certainly doesn't.” Jesse rolls his eyes. 

  “What would Hanzo think, huh?” He asks, smirking at him, and Genji scoffs.

  He waves his hand dismissively. “Why don't you worry about your wound instead of what my brother would think,” He insists, and Jesse just chuckles. 

   “Alright alright.” Jesse looks out the window as a quiet falls between them. 

  Genji suddenly feels a bit…off. Worried, perhaps? Something wasn't right, but he didn't know what. He shifts in his seat, glancing over at Jesse. To get his mind off that weird feeling, he tries to make different conversation. “So, um. How are things with you and Hanzo?” He asks. Jesse looks at him. 

  “They're pretty good, I think. As far as I know, he's happy. He was…he was even talkin’ about stayin’ with me the other day. After we got all cozy in bed, he said…that he never wanted to leave.” Jesse smiles to himself, and it's clear that he really likes that idea.

  Hearing that makes Genji go a bit tense, though. Uh oh.  _ Uh oh _ . “Oh, did he?” He asks, smiling slightly. “That's…hm.” The smile fades quickly, and Jesse raises an eyebrow, taking another glance at his wound really quick. God, that hurt. 

  “What?” He asks, glad that the ripped fabric of his shirt doesn't expose his brand. That would be shitty. Hey, the wound actually fucked it up quite a lot. How convenient was that? Thanks, random sniper. He's momentarily distracted, so he doesn't notice right away when Genji starts talking. 

  “...but I don't know what he'll do at this point,” Genji finishes with a sigh, Jesse having missing the first part.

  “What? Do about what?” He asks, and Genji sighs, exasperated.

  “ _ You _ , Jesse,” Genji murmurs. “You…you're really making him think about things he normally wouldn't. I told myself I'd, you know, stay out of this for the most part but…he's different from the person he came here as because of you. For the first time I don't know how he's going to handle something. I don't know how he's going to handle us going home.”

  Jesse goes still. Oh, right…they had to go home at some point. “Well…maybe he  _ will _ decide to stay here with me. I'm sure you can take over, right?” He asks, and Genji actually laughs. 

  “I don't know anything about leading an entire clan. Hanzo was literally  _ raised  _ to do that. And the elders would be furious. They'd force him out of the clan if he did such a thing. But…considering the way he's been lately it wouldn't surprise me if he decided to stay.”

  Jesse perks up a bit. It’s pretty damn selfish of him, but he wishes that Hanzo would stay. He was in love with him, pretty deeply too. Having Hanzo stay with him would just be perfect. “Well..I guess whatever happens happens,” He suggests with a sheepish smile, and Genji sighs, smiling just a bit, even though he  _ is _ pretty worried.

  “I guess so.”

  The rest of the drive home is fairly quiet, and once they're back inside, Gabriel comes over to them to ask how it went, but he's stopped in his tracks when he sees the blood. Immediately, he drags Jesse off to the medical bay, leaving Genji alone in the doorway. Genji simply takes off his boots and his jacket. He stretches a bit as he starts walking towards the stairs, hoping Jesse is okay. He's a bit distracted, and he ends up walking right into his brother, who appeared to be waiting for him.

  He smiles, stepping back. “Oh, hey Hanzo, you'll never guess how this mission went, it-” 

  Hanzo clears his throat, making Genji jump a bit. “We have to talk, Genji,” Hanzo murmurs, taking Genji's arm. “It's important.” Suddenly filled with concern due to the serious look on Hanzo's face, he nods and follows Hanzo into his room. 

  “What is it?” He asks quietly. “Have I missed something?” Hanzo doesn't say anything, and Genji's eyes widen a bit. “Did I- did I miss-”

  Hanzo cuts him off with a nod. “Honestly, you should have been here for all of this, but…work is important to you, I know this. However...our father is dead, Genji. Earlier than they expected.”

  Genji takes a moment, just sort of taking this in. Then, he inhales deeply. “Dead,” He whispers as he exhales. “Um…”  _ Fuck _ .  _ That's _ what felt off. “What does…” He shakes his head. “We have to go home.”

  Hanzo rubs his arm, looking away from Genji. “Yes, we do. I don't want to yet, but…” He sighs, looking pretty conflicted. Genji is quiet, just looking at his brother. He didn't think that Hanzo would have to end things with Jesse so soon after they'd gotten started. Maybe he wouldn't end them at all. “I don't know. I have some things to think about.” He heaves a sigh. “Um…Anyways. I heard the commotion downstairs. Is McCree alright?” He asks, and Genji shakes himself out of the daze of the news he's just received.

  “Oh, um…I accidentally got him shot. It's not that bad, but-” He can't finish, because Hanzo gasps, shoves past him, then runs down to go make sure Jesse is okay. Genji watches him go, shaking his head a bit. 

  He doesn't know what Hanzo is going to do.

  Whatever it was, he hoped Hanzo knew that his decisions wouldn't affect just him. It'd affect Genji too. But…more importantly, Jesse would be taking the brunt of it all.


	11. End of Part One

  Hanzo stares at himself in the mirror, eyes looking over himself. His eyes land on his brand, his mind goes to Jesse's. A thing they had in common, like a bunch of other things they had in common. He thinks the way Jesse touched every inch of him. He thinks of how Jesse would cuddle him up in bed, kiss his neck, make him feel good. Alright, and so maybe he said at one point that he'd want to stay forever…and maybe he meant it. Maybe he didn't. He'd been in an orgasmic haze so he's not a hundred percent sure what he meant. 

  His head starts to swim a bit, but that might be because of the alcohol he just drank, just enough to give him the courage he needed to get through this. He wasn't ready for this. He wasn't ready to face the decision he had to make. Then again, it wasn't actually a decision. It was more like him telling Jesse he  _ had  _ to leave now. And he had to do it soon. He had to do it soon because in just a couple days, he and Genji were heading home. Gabriel had already booked their flight for them, and they'd lowkey started their packing. He didn't know how to break it to him. He just…didn't. The liquid confidence was helping though. 

  He bows his head, trying to fight off the nausea he started to feel. Maybe…maybe he needs to take a moment to breathe. He doesn't really notice Jesse standing in the doorway until strong arms are wrapped around his waist, and a scruffy cheek is nuzzles against the back of his neck. His hair was up, but that was only because he was afraid he'd throw up, and wanted to be prepared. “Jesse,” He manages to whisper, and Jesse hums, pressing a kiss to his neck. 

  “You a little buzzed, Han?” He teases, squeezing him a bit. Hanzo lets out a pained chuckle. 

  “Mm, yes,” He whispers. “But-but it was only so I could-” He shuts his eyes tightly. So he could have the confidence to actually tell him he's leaving. Jesse raises an eyebrow. 

  “What is it?” He asks quietly, leaning back a bit, looking at Hanzo through the mirror. Hanzo looks up, locking eyes with him through the reflection.

  Wordlessly, he nudges Jesse back and out of the bathroom. He walks into his room, and Jesse just shrugs and follows him. He closes the door behind him, putting his hands in the pockets of his jacket. He didn't exactly like the feeling in the air. It felt weird. Tense…sad. Hanzo rubs a hand over his face, taking a moment to steady himself. “I- I need to tell you something,” He admits quietly. “And you are not going to like it.” That immediately sets Jesse on edge. 

  His heart skips a beat, because he thinks he knows what's about to be said. “Okay,” He says quietly, nodding slowly. He swallows hard. He should've better prepared for this. 

  “Our father has died, Jesse,” Hanzo says quietly, running a hand through his hair, screwing up his bun. He yanks his hair out of its tie, then tosses it aside. He's afraid to look at Jesse, who's gone still and quiet. “Our father has died, and…we have to go home.”

  Jesse frowns, starting to panic just a little bit. “Hanzo, you…you can't,” He says quietly, looking anywhere but at Hanzo. “I don't want you to,” He whispers, finally looking at him. Hanzo sighs shakily and puts his hands on his hips. 

  “You know I can't stay. You knew this from the start,” He murmurs, shaking his head a bit. “You knew that when we started this. You knew that I'd be leaving.”

  Jesse sort of can't believe what he's hearing. “So, what…you're just gonna fuck with me and then leave? Is- Is that it?” He asks, the anger building up hot and fast. “What the hell, Hanzo?”

  Shifting his weight, Hanzo shakes his head again. “Jesse, listen to me. I-I can't just stay. My honor, my family…it's on the line here. I won't let that all go just to stay here.” Each word stung as it left his mouth. Did he actually mean that? Or was he just saying what he needed himself to hear? Jesse doesn't look like he believes him. 

  “After everythin’…you can't just-” Jesse sniffles, blinking away the tears that were threatening to well up. He looks up and away. “You can't do this to me.” His voice is strained, his tone sounding heartbroken. It pulls at each of Hanzo's heartstrings. He feels his own heart breaking just hearing Jesse's tone. 

  “It's what I  _ have _ to do, Jesse. It's not what I want-” 

  “ _ Then stay _ !” Jesse suddenly shouts. “If it's not what you want, then stay here! Stay with  _ me _ !” He gets close. “Just don't go!” Hanzo steps away, shaking his head. 

  “I  _ can't _ , Jesse, I can't. I have to- I have to take care of my family. I have to do what's best for Genji and I. I have to do what's right,” Hanzo tries to explain, trying to keep his voice calm and steady. It's starting to not work at all. His hands were shaking, and his vision was getting a bit swimmy. 

  “Fuck your family!” Jesse snaps, making Hanzo jump. “Look what they've done to you! Look what they've done! They- they made you believe that you  _ belong _ to them. You're a  _ person _ , Hanzo! You can make your own decisions on what to do with your life!”

  Hanzo shakes his head rapidly. “You know  _ nothing _ , Jesse,” He snaps, glaring a bit. “You may think you do but you don't. My family, my honor…they're more important than anything.” He leaves out the ‘including you’, but Jesse hears it loud and clear, even if it's not actually said. 

  A look of hurt crosses his face, and Hanzo wishes he could take it back, seeing that. “Fine,” Jesse whispers. He wipes his eyes quickly. “Tell ya what. It's either me, or them. You won't ever hear from me again. Ever. You don't even get to  _ think _ about me if you leave. You can't just make me fall in love with you then leave me like I'm nothin’. Like I don't matter.”

  Hanzo’s mood quickly shifts to one of anger. “Excuse me?” He asks, lowkey laughing. “You're really making me pick? You cannot do that, you already know where this is going,” He says sternly.”You have no right to give me an- an ultimatum!”

  “What do you want then, Hanzo?” He asks quietly, stepping forward again. “What do you really want? Me, or whatever the hell is waitin’ for you back in Japan?” He won't say ‘home’, because in his mind, Hanzo's home is with him. This was Hanzo's home. 

  Hanzo stares at him, not responding right away. Deep down, deep, deep down he was scared of this. He was scared of the commitment he'd be making. He was scared of leaving his old home and his old life behind. He was scared of abandoning his family. He was scared of how crazy in love he was with Jesse. And he just couldn't do this. “I'm sorry, Jesse, but I must go home,” He whispers, turning away, afraid to look at him now.

  Jesse just stares at him, shock and disbelief written all over his face, his heart breaking all over again. “What happened to ‘forever’, huh, Hanzo? Was all that just some...some lie?” He murmurs, his voice choked up. When Hanzo doesn't say anything, he just scoffs, quickly wiping tears from his eyes. He can't take this. “Fine,” He whispers before abruptly turning and walking out, slamming the door behind him, stomping down the stairs. He shoves past Genji, knocking him back a bit. “Shit- sorry,” He mutters before steadying Genji then continuing making his way down. He couldn't face Genji too after this. He really needed a break, to get away. He couldn't be here right now. Genji only watches, a bit stunned. 

  He glances at the door Jesse just slammed- Hanzo's bedroom door -then heads up and very carefully opens it. He peeks his head in to see Hanzo on his bed, staring at the wall. He was almost expressionless, save for the pained look in his eyes. “...Hanzo?” Genji murmurs, slowly walking in. “Is everything okay?” He asks, and Hanzo just closes his eyes, defeated. 

  “No. I did what I had to.” He whispers. 

  And there was no going back from it.

 

***

 

  Gabriel gives them both a big hug, one at a time. He steps back, looks them over, then takes a deep breath. “It was good working with you two,” He says quietly, nodding a bit. “You were great assets, it's a shame you have to leave.”

  Hanzo just nods, and Genji gives him another tight hug. Gabriel chuckles and rubs his back. “It was great being here, Gabriel. I definitely won't forget it.” He moves back, smiling. “And…um,” His smile fades. “I couldn't find Jesse. Can you tell him goodbye for me?” He asks, and Gabriel nods, sighing. 

  “Of course I can. He's…probably off moping somewhere.” He puts his hands on his hips and looks at Hanzo. “Anything you want me to tell him?” He asks, his tone turning a bit sour. Hanzo winces a bit. 

  Okay, he deserved this. “No,” He responds. “There isn't.” He grips the strap of his bag a bit tighter. Then, he bows. “Thank you for taking care of my brother and I. It was an honor working for you.” Genji nods quickly, bowing as well and murmuring a thank you. Gabriel just sighs and nods, then shoves his hands in his pockets.

  “See you boys around,” He says quietly before turning away and walking out.

  Hanzo and Genji exchange a look before they both head towards check in, neither really saying anything more. The plane ride home is quiet, neither of them really knowing what to say to each other; there wasn't much to be said anyways. Genji knew that Hanzo had left a lot behind, much more than he did himself. He knew that Hanzo was hurting, and that he would be for a while. He wished that he'd told Hanzo to stay, if he was being honest.

  As they arrive once more to the Shimada castle, Hanzo takes a deep breath. This was all his now. This was  _ his _ home,  _ his _ family,  _ his _ responsibility. All this power that had been his father's…it was his now. Everything he'd grown up learning to do, to take care of, to operate…it was finally all his, and at one point it was something he couldn't wait to finally have, to have all of his training and work pay off. And as he heads inside to greet the elders, all he can think of is how he now wants is to be rid of it. He doesn't want it. He wishes he wasn't born into this now, but it's something he must take care of. 

  But… 

  Because of Jesse McCree, he wanted nothing to do with it anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so here's the end of part one. sorry it was so short, but I wasn't sure how else to tie this off. the next bunch of chapters will be the original fic. I'm gonna take some time to edit some things but I'm gonna try to keep a chapter coming out every few days like I have been. thanks so much for keeping up with this fic up until now and I hope you all enjoy what else is to come! :'-)


	12. Part Two: Ten years later...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here we are at the beginning of part two! this part is my original fic, which ive done my best to edit and fix a bit to match more with the chapters ive written up to now. i hope you guys like it tho!

_ ~Ten Years Later~ _

  
  
  


  Jesse shoves his hands in his pockets, walking down the dusty road towards his truck, the sun setting behind him. He'd abandoned it at that shitty dive bar the previous night then walked home, knowing he was way too drunk to drive it. The last thing he needed right now was a totaled truck and a DUI under his belt. The cigarette between his lips was burning, smoke blown around him by the slight breeze in the air. He’s greeted by a couple jeers from regular patrons as he passes the bar, but he just flips them all off and continues walking, pulling his keys out of his pockets. 

  After unlocking the door, he climbs up in the seat, but something stops him from closing the door. He doesn't know what it is, until, through the dust covered windshield, he sees a pretty familiar face come out of the bar, looking around a bit, squinting because of the sun.

  Well he'd be damned. He leans against the steering wheel, just kind of staring at him, taking him in, momentarily forgetting all the shitty things they'd dealt with. 

  None other than Hanzo Shimada was walking out of his favorite fucking bar. His hair had gotten shorter, and he'd buzzed the sides so he had a tight top knot on his head, save for the one lock of hair let loose across his forehead. He had a few piercings in his ears, and a tattoo just barely visible under the left sleeve of a sturdy looking army style jacket. And- God save Jesse -He was wearing fucking skinny jeans and combat boots. 

  And he laughs. He can't help it. He laughs. 

  Hanzo's head spins around, eyes a bit wide. He'd know that laugh anywhere. The second he sees Jesse, he goes tense, because holy shit, there he is. He's here. But when he realizes Jesse is laughing at  _ him _ , his hands clench into fists. He walks right over to him, crossing his arms. “McCree.”

  Jesse looks at him, grinning, eyes still alight with laughter. Hanzo wishes that didn't affect him anymore, but… “Hanzo, darlin’ it sure has been a while,” Jesse murmurs, tipping his hat. Well, he had to be cordial, right? It was the polite thing to do. “You look fresh. New haircut?”

  Hanzo rolls his eyes. “Clearly,” He mutters, looking Jesse over. “What are you doing here?” Way to go, Hanzo. Very smooth, you've fucked yourself over.  _ You _ literally came here looking for  _ him _ . 

  Jesse seems surprised. “‘Scuse me? Better question is, what’re  _ you  _ doing here? Why ain't ya back in Japan, huh?” Hanzo had left and gone back to Japan with his brother years and years ago, so why the hell was he back here? Jesse was almost insulted. 

  Flushing red, Hanzo looks away. “I...I was looking for you,” He admits begrudgingly, looking at him again. “I figured you'd be here.”

  Smiling sweetly, Jesse leans against his steering wheel. He doesn't have much energy to be very upset anymore; It'd all burned out years ago. He'd done his best to leave it all behind and feel okay again. So why not have some fun with this? Because it really was hilarious that Hanzo was back. What right did he have, anyways? “You were lookin’ for little ol’ me? Darlin’, you just made me the happiest man-”

  “Cut the shit,” Hanzo interrupts sternly. “I didn't come here to-” He sighs, calming himself. He puts his arms back at his sides. “I came because I need your help,” He murmurs, glancing around, hoping no one else heard him. 

  Jesse seems genuinely surprised. “Me?” He asks, bewildered. “What the hell do ya need me for?” 

  “You were, admittedly, a bit closer to Genji than I was, before…” He doesn't finish his sentence, and Jesse just kind of stares at him, suddenly very solemn. “...and I need your help finding him.”

  Jesse takes off his hat, sighing. “What happened to him?” He asks quietly, looking at Hanzo, who becomes visibly uncomfortable. 

   He decides not to sugar coat anything. “I haven't seen or heard from him in a month. I was hoping you'd heard from him, by some miracle,” Hanzo explains, voice a bit quiet. 

  Running a hand through his slightly sweaty hair, Jesse shrugs a little, popping his hat back on his head. “Wish I could say I have, darlin’, but I haven't. Haven't heard from him since you left.”

  Well over a decade ago. 

  Hanzo looks a bit defeated. “Oh. Great,” He murmurs, shifting a bit. “Regardless,” He sighs and looks at him. “I want your help. I need your help.”

  The look on Hanzo's face tugs at Jesse's heartstrings. He hates that Hanzo could still do that to him. He lets out a big huff before he takes out another cigarette, lighting it. “Get in the fucking truck, Shimada,” He mutters through the cigarette. Hanzo blinks in surprise before he nods, running around to the other side and pulling open the door, climbing in. Jesse closes his own door, putting the keys in the ignition after buckling his seat belt.

  Jesse had intended on going home and getting some more sleep, but he supposed that would have to wait. 

 

***

 

  The drive has been silent so far. Jesse still lived miles upon miles from the nearest airport, in some little town with hardly two thousand people in it, smack in the middle of a more desert like area. The Blackwatch base had been abandoned a few years back, but Jesse stayed in the town, it being his home, even before Blackwatch. It was borderline miraculous that his and Hanzo's paths ever crossed way back then, but to this day, Jesse counts his lucky stars that they did. It's…kind of odd to both of them that they're sitting next to each other again. There's an awkward air in the truck, but neither say anything for a few miles. 

  Jesse is the one to break the silence, hoping to alleviate the tension and lighten Hanzo’s mood a little. “So what have ya been up to?” God damn it, McCree, what kinda bullshit question is that, huh? 

  Hanzo looks over, having been looking out the window for a while. “Oh, um…not much. After returning home, Genji and I got to work.” He doesn't say anything more on that. “But, as you know, lately I've been looking for Genji.” Jesse nods slowly, internally kicking himself. Obviously that's what Hanzo had been up to. Hanzo shifts a bit in his seat. “And you?”

  Okay, he was honestly not prepared for prolonged conversation. Jesse takes a breath. “Uh. I settled down.” Hanzo’s first thought is that he got married. But Jesse continues. “Ya know. Dropped Reyes. Got my shit together. Got a job. And that's kinda it.”

  Hanzo is actually kind of surprised, but curious. Reyes? What happened there? Instead of asking, he just nods a little bit, going back to looking out the window at the drab, dry scenery outside in the dusk. They wouldn't be seeing anything for another hundred miles or so, light or dark. The silence between them resumes, Hanzo having nothing more to contribute for the moment. Jesse grunts uncomfortably when Hanzo doesn't say anything back. He decides to just keep his eyes ahead. His mind, though, is still reeling just a little bit. Hanzo Shimada was in his truck. Again. It had been ten goddamn years since they'd seen each other last. Ten long, painful years. He wondered if Hanzo still… Jesse dismisses the thought before he can even finish thinking it. 

  After another half hour of silence, Jesse speaks again. “You remembered the bar I went to,” He mentions, and Hanzo looks over at him again. 

  “Of course. It's the only one you went to on our days off,” He says surely, and Jesse nods slowly. He glances over and smiles slyly.

  “But how'd you know I didn't move, huh?” He asks, teasing just a bit. Hanzo rolls his eyes a bit and looks back out the window. 

  “I had just hoped you'd still be here, that's all. I  _ didn't  _ know.” He came here with a somewhat blind hope that Jesse had stayed here all these years. He'd been damn lucky he was right. Jesse nods slowly. 

  “Well…obviously I was still here.” God, he wished things didn't feel so awkward and so tense. The terms they'd left on hadn't been good, so he figured there was a lot of unresolved shit still between them making this feel more awkward than it should. 

  Hanzo doesn't respond for a moment before he sighs. “Thank you for helping me, McCree.” Jesse glances over at him. 

  Smiling slightly, he drops one of his hands from the steering wheel, resting his arm on the rolled down window. “Ah, what was I s’posed to do? Leave ya there in the damn desert?” He asks, grinning slyly. Hanzo scoffs and rolls his eyes, crossing his arms.

  He decides not to respond to that.

  Jesse tips his hat. “Good answer, darlin’.” He looks ahead of him again. “But seriously. I know Genji is important to ya. And still is to me too. Last thing I'd want is for somethin’ to happen to him.” Or to you, God forbid.

  Hanzo sighs quietly. “I just wish I knew if he was alive or not,” He murmurs, sounding stressed and worried. “I have no idea.”

  Jesse resists the urge to rest a hand on Hanzo's thigh to comfort him. Instead, he grips the steering wheel a bit tighter. He doesn't know what to say to make this any better. “Wish I could tell ya, darlin’.”

  Grimacing, Hanzo crosses his arms. “Stop calling me that,” He insists, suddenly changing the subject. Jesse raises an eyebrow, looking over at him for a moment. 

  Then, he grins. “Okay, honeybee.”

  “Dear Christ,” Hanzo whispers to himself, rubbing a hand over his face. “I'm starting to remember why I hate you.” Jesse can't help but laugh out loud at that. 

  “What? Don't like honeybee?” He grins and leans over a little bit. “Sorry, sweet cheeks. I'll think of something else.” Hanzo is so angry at himself when his lips start to twitch into a smile. Jesse laughs victoriously when he sees that. “Ha!”

  “Will you just-” He huffs impatiently, crossing his arms again and wiping any trace of amusement from his face. “You're insufferable,” He whispers, shaking his head slightly.

  “Han, you're gonna have to use words I understand,” Jesse casually reminds him, even though he's just teasing. Hanzo rolls his eyes.

  “I don't like being around you.”

  “That hurts.”

  “Good.”

  Jesse frowns, but he's trying to be playful. “You're meaner than I remember, Han.” He's really hoping conversation has lightened the mood even a little a bit. The last thing he wanted was to be stuck here for a hundred more miles with a stubborn, grouchy guy who hardly looks at him. 

  “No, McCree,” Hanzo sighs, looking at him, no longer playing around anymore. “I just grew up.” He gives him a pointed look, and Jesse's eyebrows raise in surprise, a laugh of disbelief coming from him. 

  “Wow. Okay,” He murmurs, shaking his head before using one of his hands to take a cigarette from behind his ear. He pops the filtered end into his mouth, then grabs his lighter from the little tray in the dashboard, lighting his cigarette. Once it's lit, he replaces it, then glances at Hanzo. “You sure are stressin’ me out,” He says through the cigarette before taking an actual drag, blowing the smoke out the window.

  Hanzo doesn't say anything for a moment before he sighs. “I'm sorry. I'm just…worried about Genji,” He whispers, an exposed and vulnerable air suddenly surrounding him. Hanzo was a bit of a cold person, but Jesse could tell he was doing his best to keep his composure now. He should've understood before that Hanzo would be upset and on edge. He feels kinda bad for teasing him when Hanzo was obviously not in the mood.

  “Nah, Han. Don't apologize. Shitty thing you're going through. It sucks.” He flicks ash of the end of his cigarette. “And I know it probably don't mean shit comin’ from me, but he'll turn up. Probably got yourself all worked up for nothin’.”

  Hanzo actually chuckles, and Jesse looks over surprised. “With Genji, it's never nothing.” He rests his head against the window, suddenly feeling pretty drained. He's shown too much emotion in such a short time.

  Tossing his cigarette out the window after a few more moments, Jesse looks over at Hanzo. “Hey, why don't we hole up for the night? We can catch a plane tomorrow.” He rolls up the window, and Hanzo glances at him.

  “McCree. You understand how important this is, correct?” He asks, looking serious and stern. Jesse rolls his eyes a bit. Hanzo shakes his head. “We can get sleep on the plane.”

  “I hate sleepin’ on planes. Uncomfortable as shit,” Jesse complains, already feeling the phantom backache and ringing ears. Hanzo scoffs at his complaint, and before he can counter, Jesse continues. “I think it'd suit us both to get a good night's sleep on an actual bed before gettin’ on a plane for God knows how long.”

  “Fine,” Hanzo mutters. “But I'm not paying for the room. Not if we have to sleep together.” Jesse suddenly looks amused.

  “I'm havin’ flashbacks.” He looks at Hanzo, a teasing grin on his lips, a twinkling in his eyes. Hanzo blushes darkly and flips him off.

  “I've already told you I am  _ not  _ here to talk about what happened between us. This is not what this trip is for,” Hanzo mutters, sounding incredibly serious and unhappy. Jesse picks up on it immediately, and his smile fades. 

  He gives a tired sigh before nodding a bit. Honestly, he felt they needed to talk about it. If they were going to be spending all this time together, there couldn't be any old, hostile feelings between them anymore. They'd both changed, they'd both grown up, they'd both matured. That didn't change the fact they'd both said and did things that they regretted when things fell out, and that it left a sour taste in both their mouths when they thought about it. 

  All Jesse wanted to do was give himself some peace so he could move the fuck on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *thumbs up*


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm at this new year's party I don't wanna be at so here's a new chapter have fun

After driving for a little while more, they stop off on some motel that's next to a liquor store in the middle of nowhere. Jesse gives Hanzo a smile. “Well, would ya look at that, Han. Booze. How's about you grab the room, I'll grab us a case ’a beer. Ya look like you could use a drink.”

  Hanzo begrudgingly agrees with him. “Alright.” He takes the cash Jesse hands to him as they both step out of the truck. They split off in their respective directions. Hanzo walks into the motel office, looking around. It actually didn't look that bad for some place in the middle of nowhere. He goes over to the tired looking man at the front desk. “Excuse me.”

  The man looks up from the newspaper he's reading. “How can I help you?” He asks, folding it up and sighing. 

  “I, um. I need a room, just for tonight,” He explains, fiddling with the folded up cash in his hands. “How much?”

  “It'll be eighty for the night,” He tells him, and Hanzo blinks before quickly counting out the money Jesse gave him. He'd only been given sixty, probably on accident. All Hanzo's cash was in yen now, and he didn't exactly want to break his credit card out for this, and he hadn't converted any more cash than he absolutely needed since he planned on going right back to Japan once he got ahold of Jesse.  He was shit out of luck until Jesse came back in.

  “Um…okay, that's fine…” He shifts awkwardly, sliding the money into one of the pockets in his jacket, nervously waiting for Jesse to come back, hoping that it's soon. Very soon. The man just raises an eyebrow at Hanzo, looking a bit confused. He's about to ask why he's just standing there when Jesse comes in, making Hanzo breathe a sigh of relief. He walks over to Hanzo.

  “Did you pay yet?” He asks, glancing at the man at the desk. Hanzo shakes his head, looking embarrassed.

  “No. You didn't give me enough.” He shifts a bit, and Jesse sighs, taking out his wallet, handing it to Hanzo since his other hand was occupied by a twelve pack. The man now thinks he understands what's going on and he smirks a bit. 

  “Tell you what. Just pay the sixty you've got. You boys just have a nice night, alright?” He suggest, and Hanzo's eyes widen in shock. Jesse just kind of stands there, finding the assumption funny, but Hanzo's expression even funnier. He pushes back the impending laughter by clearing his throat. 

  “We're not- we weren't going to-” Hanzo stutters a bit, and Jesse rolls his eyes, cutting him off.

  “Thank ya kindly, sir,” He says with a small smile. He gestures for Hanzo to take out the cash, and when he does, he takes it from Hanzo's hand and hands it over in exchange for a key. He then pushes Hanzo out and in the direction of their room.

  When they're back outside, Hanzo turns around and glares at Jesse a bit. Even Hanzo couldn't deny the suggestion of the man brought back some pretty heated memories that still got him worked up, but he wasn't about to admit that right now…or ever. “Don't get any ideas, McCree.” He shoves Jesse's wallet back in his hand and starts walking. Jesse just shrugs and follows him. 

  Jesse was a playful man by nature. Even with as serious a situation as this, even though Hanzo hates him, even though he hadn't forgiven Hanzo for what happened all those years ago, he can't help but be himself. He’s doing his best to put that all behind him so they can at least try to have a civil trip. 

  Hanzo, unfortunately, was having none of it.

  Once they're both in the room, they both stop in their tracks when they see there's only one bed. Hanzo looks around the room- it's small,  _ obviously only one bed _ , and no other possible sleeping arrangements. Dread starts to settle in him, and even Jesse had to draw the line somewhere. Sharing a bed was it. Jesse sets the beer down and puts his hands on his hips. 

  “This…is unfortunate,” Hanzo supplies with another scan of the room. The last thing he wanted right now was to share a bed with Jesse again. Jesse nods in agreement. 

  “Well...I guess I can sleep out in my truck. Give you the bed.” Although it was well big enough for the two of them… Hanzo glances at him. 

  “...you don't have to do that.” Jesse raises an eyebrow, and Hanzo continues. “I'm sure there's room enough on the floor.” He puts his hands on his hips, smirking at Jesse.

  Jesse gives him a look before he sighs and gives a big shrug. “Alright.” He picks up the beer, sits down at the foot of the bed, and cracks one open. He picks up the TV remote, turning on the TV, starting to channel surf. He looks at Hanzo, who's still standing awkwardly in the doorway. “Ya gonna sit down or what?” He asks, and Hanzo stands still for a moment before walking over the bed and sitting near the headboard, crossing his legs. He gestures for a beer, and Jesse hands one over. He pops the top off and starts drinking, watching as Jesse scrolls through the channels. 

  Hanzo wasn't a big TV watcher, but he actually (read: secretly) enjoyed watching cheesy romance movies and various dramas. He doesn't pay much attention to what Jesse switches the TV to, instead opting to pull his phone out of his pocket and start scrolling through social media. He also looks at his texts, like he does every night, to see if there's anything from Genji. But, like every night, there's nothing there. He sighs a bit and chugs down the rest of his freshly opened beer.

  Jesse looks over his shoulder, raising an eyebrow. “Take it easy,” He says quietly, but Hanzo rolls his eyes and sets the empty bottle aside.

  “Hand me another,” He requests, and Jesse just shrugs and does as he's told. Hanzo relaxes against the headboard, slowing down to sips of his beer as he continues to stare at his phone. Jesse glances over every so often, to see if Hanzo's moved or anything, but he never does. The two of them silently drink beer after beer, and slowly, the tension between them relaxes as they do, thanks to the alcohol. 

  When Hanzo is on beer five, he groans quietly and sets his phone on the nightstand. He takes off his boots and his jacket, setting them in the floor. Jesse looks over, noting that he looks a bit tired. “Tired?” He asks. He's got a good buzz going now, and he can tell Hanzo does too. 

  “A little,” Hanzo says quietly. He sighs and looks at Jesse. “You can…the bed is big enough, you can sleep here. I'm sure there will be enough space between us.” Mostly, he was too intoxicated to care anymore. He was tired of being upset about the situation he was in. 

  Jesse nods a bit, deciding not to argue. He switches off the TV and takes his hat off, popping it on top of the lamp next to the bed. He takes off his boots, followed by his jeans. He'd spare Hanzo and keep his shirt on; He'd gained weight since Hanzo last saw him shirtless. Hanzo follows suit, doing the same. Jesse smirks when he sees Hanzo shirtless. 

  “That's new,” He murmurs, gesturing to Hanzo's tattoo sleeve. Hanzo looks at it, then shrugs slightly. 

  “I got it done about six years ago. Not exactly new,” He mumbles as he gives it another good look. He was proud of it, since he designed it pretty much all himself. 

  “New to me, anyways.” Jesse decides not mention that Hanzo also looks fit as fuck. He'd really beefed up over the years and Jesse can't help but to truly appreciate that. Conversation stops there, and Jesse just sighs about it. 

  Hanzo flops back down on the bed after taking his hair out of the top knot. He runs his hands through it a bit, getting it to fall a bit more naturally, and then closes his eyes. Jesse quietly lies on the opposite side of the bed, leaving a big gap between him and Hanzo.

  Neither of them say anything, lying quietly in the dark. Jesse's drunken mind is swimming a bit; he'd had all the beer Hanzo didn't, so he was a little more gone than Hanzo was. He turns over onto his side, looking at Hanzo, who's lying on his back, eyes still closed. Jesse missed this. Jesse missed being beside Hanzo. He missed touching him, kissing him, just being close to him. He hadn't actually realized just how much he missed it until he was here next to him again. It hurt just a bit. He thinks it's perfectly reasonable as he scoots closer to Hanzo, being careful, trying to be quiet. Hanzo surely felt the same way… surely. 

  Hanzo can feel the shift in weight on the other side of the bed, and he opens his eyes, turning his head to look at Jesse. He's a bit surprised to see that Jesse is close to him- very close. Jesse reaches a hand out, gently stroking his cheek. Hanzo goes tense but doesn't move. His brow furrows in confusion as Jesse leans in a bit. His own body and mind were almost just as intoxicated, so it takes him a moment to realize what's going on. 

  “What are you doing?” He asks quietly, bewildered, trying to get his thoughts straight. Jesse stops, looking at him. He blinks back surprise, even though he shouldn't really be surprised at all. He should've expected this.

  “Um…I just thought-”

  Hanzo just shakes his head, gently smacking Jesse's hand away from him. “No. Go to sleep. You're not- you're not thinking clearly.” If he was sober he would've kicked Jesse's ass for pulling this move. What an idiot. 

  Jesse just looks at him before moving away and turning around again. He felt ridiculous. If he was sober, he would've kicked his own ass for thinking that was even remotely okay. If he and Hanzo were anything right now, it certainly wasn't that. They weren't even  _ friends  _ anymore. 

  He felt like an idiot. 

 

***

 

  Hanzo is awake before Jesse is. He glances over at the other man before getting dressed again, being a bit quiet, letting Jesse sleep some more. He goes over to the mirror hanging in awkward position on the wall, fixes his hair, then pulls on his jacket. He snags Jesse's wallet from the nightstand on his side of the bed, figuring that he owes him for the shit he pulled last night. He walks out after getting his boots back on, then heads next door in hopes that there will be coffee there.

  The closing of the door wakes Jesse up, and before Jesse can even process that he's awake now, his mind is telling him he fucked up by simply laying a finger on Hanzo. He groans, sitting up. “Ya fucked up, McCree,” He whispers to himself, running a hand through his sleep tousled hair. He figures Hanzo just went to the liquor store next door, since his phone was still on the nightstand and his shoulder bag was on the floor, so he doesn't freak out that Hanzo left. He gets dressed and waits for him to come back. 

  About twenty minutes later, Hanzo walks back in with a small plastic bag filled with a few bottles. Jesse raises an eyebrow, then both of them when Hanzo tosses his own wallet to him. “I bought coffee.” He explains quietly, and Jesse just sighs and shakes his head a bit. 

  “I assume you spent my money.” He looks to Hanzo for confirmation, and Hanzo gives him a simple nod. Jesse nods then. “Yeah, I deserved that.”

  Hanzo smirks. “Yes.” He walks over and grabs his phone. “We should go now.” Jesse stands up and takes his hat off the lamp, putting it back on his head. 

  “Alright.” He does a quick clean up of the room, dropping the beer bottles in a trash can by the door. The two walk out, return the room key (“Hope you boys had a nice night.”), then get back in Jesse's truck. Jesse doesn't start it right away, though, and Hanzo looks at him, confused. 

  “What?” He asks when Jesse looks at him. 

  “Look,” He starts, voice quiet. “I just wanted to apologize for-”

  “Stop,” Hanzo interrupts, holding up a hand. “It doesn't matter. We were both under the influence. Our heads weren't clear; Yours very obviously wasn't, so…” He sighs and shrugs. “It's nothing.”

  Nodding, Jesse looks ahead and puts the key in the ignition. They get back on the road, silence between them resuming for a while. A pop suddenly fills the air, and Jesse quickly looks over at what Hanzo is doing. He's surprised when he sees that Hanzo is opening a bottle of those damn Starbucks Frappuccinos. He can't help but laugh. “The hell are you drinkin’, Han?” He asks incredulously.

  Bewildered by Jesse's laughter, Hanzo holds up the bottle, as if it should've been obvious what it was. Jesse laughs harder, and Hanzo looks even more confused. “What?” He demands, looking at the bottle, then at Jesse. “What’s so funny?”

  “God damnit, I can't believe you drink that shit,” Jesse says, still chuckling as he looks over at the other man, who frowns. 

  “What's so bad about it?” He asks, and Jesse just shrugs.

  “Just think it's funny that big ol’ tough guy Hanzo drinks Starbucks Frappuccinos, is all,” Jesse explains with a chuckle, and Hanzo scoffs, looking at the bottle again. 

  “They're good. And caffeinated,” He mutters, sipping at it. “Do you want one?” He asks after a moment, and Jesse shakes his head.

  “Naw. I take my coffee black. None of that sugary shit for me,” He says, shaking his head a bit. Hanzo shrugs a bit, then purses his lips. 

  “I got a caramel one. You like that don't you?" He looks at Jesse, who seems to perk up.

  “Ya got me, I do like it.” He glances over at him. “Crack one open for me, Han.” Hanzo sets his own in the cup holder before opening one for Jesse, then handing it to him. Jesse takes it, toasts it, then takes a sip. He doesn't say anything, just kind of holding the bottle, his other hand still on the steering wheel. “Huh. Not bad, I guess.”

  Hanzo grins. “Mhm. Think of this as…a peace offering,” He says with an eloquent twist to his words. “A…very sugary peace offering.”

  “Peace offering, huh?” Jesse asks, and Hanzo nods very matter-of-factly. 

  “I think if we're going to be working together to find my brother, to bring him back home…We need to get along.” He doesn't sound like he likes this idea very much, but Jesse continues to listen as he speaks. “At the very least, we need to be civil.”

  Jesse nods solemnly in agreement. “Glad we can agree on that. That's what I was tryin’ to do since ya first got in my truck.”

  “I know,” Hanzo agrees quietly. “Anyways. Let's try to make this trip tolerable.”

  “Sounds good, darlin’,” Jesse murmurs before taking another swig of the…”coffee”. Hanzo decides not to argue about the whole pet name thing. He supposed he'd be hearing it a lot in the near future. “So, tell me,” Jesse starts as he sets the bottle in the cup holder. “What have you really been up to?” He glances over at Hanzo, who's playing with the lid to his bottle. He looks at him for a second before shrugging. 

  “Nothing you didn't know about before,” He murmurs. “I've mostly dealt with the business end of things, working deals and things of that sort,” He says with a sigh. “I've tried to keep a relatively low profile. I prefer to work quietly.”

  Jesse nods a bit. “Yeah, I get that.” He shifts a bit in his seat. “You out in the field at all?” He asks. “Like what we used to do?” Hanzo laughs quietly. 

  “Of course not. I can't put myself in that sort of danger.” His mind very briefly flashes back to the night he accidentally got Jesse shot. That could've been him. But, if he was being honest, he did miss being out in the field, doing actual work instead of just ordering people around. “What I do now…” He shrugs a bit. “Like i said, I handle business...But I also handle all the, ah…” He smiles slightly. “If someone has really messed up, I deal with killing them.” He says this as if it was so normal. So casual. Like...he almost doesn’t care.

  A bit stunned, Jesse doesn’t say anything for a moment. “That’s kinda dark, Hanzo,” He murmurs, clearing his throat a bit. He’s a bit surprised when Hanzo chuckles. 

  “It’s only my job,” He explains quietly, shrugging. He looks at Jesse. “And what do you do for work then? Surely it’s not much different than what I do now.”

  Jesse smirks, shaking his head. “Well, I s’pose it’s pretty different now. I told ya before that I stopped working with Reyes.” The way he says his name makes Hanzo wonder what the hell happened between them, especially since they were practically father and son when he left. He lets Jesse finish. “I work at a garage now. Gets the bills paid. I like it just fine.” He pats the dashboard, smiling fondly. “Repaired this truck myself. My pride and joy,” He says with a happy sigh. Hanzo smiles a bit before it fades. Might as well ask now. 

  “So…Reyes. What happened between you two?” He finally decides to ask, and Jesse goes tense, inhaling sharply.

  “Ah…right,” He mumbles, visibly uncomfortable. “He just…changed, after you and Genji left. I don't know what it was, or what happened. But he went off the wall, and it caused some problems with our bosses in Overwatch. If you remember one of our last missions together, you probably remember Talon too. Well, some serious shit went down with Reyes and some high-up in Overwatch, like I said, and he got fired for it. And I guess it made him so mad that he wanted to switch alignments or whatever, but he…he decided he wanted to join Talon. When it all went down- I remember it, because I remember him stompin’ around the base all furious like -he was yellin’ at everybody. He wasn't in his right mind. Pretty pissed off.” He waves his hand. “ _ Anyways _ , so Reyes is about to fuck off to God knows where, but ya know, me bein’ his kid and all, he wanted me to go with him. He wanted me to join Talon too. But how the hell could I join the assholes who shot me, right? Dumb reason, when there's a whole other bigger reason, but it was good enough for me at the times. So, anyways, I said ‘fuck that’ and told him no, but he wasn't havin’ none of that, so he got all pissed off and mad about me bein’ disloyal to him, and that he saved my ass from prison and that I should be grateful to him…” His voice trails off. Hanzo notices that he suddenly looks…well, if Hanzo read him right, he looks heartbroken. Pained. Hurt. “I ain't ever seen him so mad at me. He never treated me like that before, it was like a switch was flipped in him. God, Hanzo, the look in his eyes when he looked at me…broke my heart, I'll tell ya that.” He takes a deep breath, unsure about why he's really telling Hanzo all of this. He hadn't spoken to anyone about this before; honestly, it was a relief to finally get it out. And with Hanzo, he felt like he could talk about anything, even after all these years. Even after everything blew up between them. He continues. “I'll never understand why it happened. But I still said no…and we parted ways.”

  Hanzo is quiet for a long moment, just sort of taking this in. Jesse doesn’t try to say anything more, having finished up his story. He did, however, need a Goddamn cigarette, so he grabs one, lights up, then sighs. Hanzo takes a deep breath. “I...I am sorry all of this happened to you. I remember how close you were with him. I can’t imagine how it must feel to have him just sort of...abandon you, after everything.” He looks at Jesse, who just smiles a little.

  “He was the only family I had after you and Genji left. He was...my dad. He saved me.” He sighs and shakes his head a bit, taking a drag. “I swear, I’m never gonna forget this.” His voice has dropped to a whisper, and Hanzo’s heart skips a beat or two. He was Jesse’s family.

  And he just...left. He hadn’t even realized just how far Jesse's love for him went, so blinded by his own responsibilities. The guilt ate at him for months after he left, but hearing now that Jesse is still torn up about losing all that he knew makes the guilt resurface. He hates it. “I’m sorry you lost him,” Hanzo says quietly. Jesse just shrugs and sighs.

  “Well, I stuck with Overwatch for a few years after. And I remember that I had to help deal with Talon a time or two. I don’t work solely for Overwatch anymore but I’ll pop in every now and then...and it’ll always be missions dealing with Talon. It fuckin’ hurts, and it’s hard to see what he’s become. He’s not Reyes anymore.” He shudders. “Anyways, I’ve done my best to move on. I miss the hell out of him, though.”

  “Understandable.” He looks at Jesse, smiling slightly. “Are you okay now, though?” Jesse just nods.

  “Yeah, I’m alright. Sorry for gettin’ all emotional,” He apologizes, voice quiet. “We probably aren’t on that whole comfortable level yet, but, um, thanks for listening anyways.”

  Hanzo just sighs and shrugs. “It's alright. I don't mind it,” He murmurs, looking out the window. Jesse nods, and the conversation is basically left at that. Neither of them have anything left to say, and neither really wants to fill the air. 

  The rest of the trip was in silence, aside from the very occasional small talk. Hanzo mentions how he actually missed being here every so often, but he doesn't say it's because he actually missed Jesse. Jesse says he wouldn't want to be anywhere but here, and that Hanzo was crazy for not copping a squat here.

  Hanzo simply rolled his eyes and ignored him after that. He was only ever here for Genji anyways, and he was sure Jesse knew that. Genji had come into contact with Gabriel Reyes during one of his recon missions in Hanamura, and ended up helping him out with some shady things back in the States. Hanzo only followed to keep Genji under wraps in the hopes that he'd come home and help keep the Shimada clan intact and in power.

  Which is how he met Jesse. Through Reyes. Hanzo cracks a small smile remembering when they met. Jesse had looked utterly ridiculous in that goddamn cowboy get up. It was better now, but Hanzo could cry thinking about how bad it was back when they were younger. He shakes his head a bit, shaking off the memory of how, despite his brashness, despite how talkative he was and immature and funny he was…despite everything Jesse was and how Hanzo was the complete opposite of who he was, he wanted him. He wanted him then, and despite his best and hardest effort, he wanted him now.

  Upon arriving to the airport, Jesse pays for parking (“I'm gonna go fuckin’ broke, Shimada. Payin’ for everything, Jesus Christ.”), and they head inside. They walk up to the counter to buy the tickets, and the young woman working there smiles warmly. “Hi, how can I help you?”

  “We need two one way tickets for the next flight to Hanamura, Japan, please,” Hanzo says politely, and the woman nods before looking at her computer, typing some information in. After a moment, she looks at them.

  “Alright, the earliest flight we have is later tonight. You'll have a layover in San Francisco, and then you'll go straight to Hanamura. Is that alright with you?” She asks, and Hanzo nods quickly. 

  “Yes, perfect.” He murmurs, taking out his wallet. Jesse huffs and takes out his, too, only to be stopped by Hanzo. He simply hands the woman his card, and she raises an eyebrow as she takes it. 

  “Don't you want to know how much it'll cost?” She asks, and Hanzo shakes his head, looking just a little impatient. 

  “Cost is not an issue,” He explains, and she nods slowly. She takes a look at the card, shrugs, and rings him up. Huh. Must be a high roller or something…

  Jesse looks at Hanzo. “Uh, thanks,” He murmurs, and Hanzo just shrugs. The last thing he wanted to hear right now was Jesse complaining about a thousand dollar plane ticket he couldn't afford. Hanzo had more than enough anyways, considering who exactly his family was. 

  They get their plane tickets, and head through security, which is relatively quick considering neither of them have any actual luggage; Hanzo had a shoulder bag, and Jesse lowkey had a go-bag stuffed in the back of his truck for emergencies, which he's holding now. He's surprised that it actually came in handy now, considering he packed it years ago. 

  Then began the very long, terrible wait… 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) yo

  “What do you mean the flight was delayed?” Hanzo demands angrily at the poor guy who was working at a service desk. They'd landed in San Francisco only to find that the flight to Japan had been delayed until the next day.

  “Sir, it's raining very heavily outside and the planes can't take off,” The guy explains quietly, calmly, trying to keep Hanzo calm. Jesse tries to put a hand on his shoulder to keep him a bit tame, but Hanzo is shaking with pent up frustration, so Jesse lets him go, sighing.

  “Since when does it  _ rain _ in  _ May _ ?!” Hanzo is shouting now, and Jesse winces. 

  “Hanzo, darlin’, come on. The man can't control the weather…let's just shack up in a hotel for the night, relax a bit. We'll be on a plane tomorrow, no big deal,” Jesse murmurs, and Hanzo just glares at him. He doesn't respond for a moment, then he steps away from the desk. He glares at the guy before turning and walking away, Jesse following him. Jesse wasn't used to being the voice of reason, but he didn't want Hanzo to cause any unnecessary trouble. 

  They get a cab to the hotel near the airport, and they hurry inside to get their room. Luckily, there's two beds this time. Both a little wet from the rain, both tired, both frustrated, they decide to go right to bed. Hanzo is especially angry; His brother could be in trouble for God's sake, and he was stuck here longer than he wanted to be. Hanzo is undressed and in one of the beds before Jesse can even take his hat off. Jesse rubs the back of his neck and quietly gets undressed, and gets in the other bed, setting an alarm for them. 

  Hanzo can't sleep, his mind racing. He ends up just lying there fuming, trying to quiet his mind, trying to get to sleep, but it doesn't work very well. Jesse, on the other hand, is just kind of worried about Hanzo. He can't really imagine what Hanzo is going through. He doesn't know how to help now that they've grown up, now that they've both changed. He figures it's best if he just stays out of the way. Despite knowing this in his head, his heart and his body are telling him different. As he rests, he remembers how he comforted Hanzo when they were younger, when they were together. He knew Hanzo needed his space, but that he liked having Jesse near him. He wondered if it would still work for him; he kind of really hoped that that hadn't changed. 

  He sits up slowly, looking over at Hanzo. He wanted Hanzo more than anything. Even after all these years and even after everything, he wanted him… After a moment of deliberation, with his heart beating a bit faster, he gets up and gets into bed with Hanzo, who doesn't move when he feels Jesse sit beside him.

  Hanzo thinks of protesting, but all Jesse does is lie there, giving him his space, not touching him or anything. Hanzo hates to admit it, but just having Jesse beside him again relaxed him. It always had, and he was kind of surprised that Jesse had the balls to actually do this. After a while, he turns over and looks at Jesse to say something to him, but he stops. Jesse was asleep.

 With a quiet little sigh, he turns back over again and tries once more to sleep, even with his mind swirling with thoughts, his body tense and his heart racing from being so close to Jesse again. He just…missed it all. Jesse had every right to remain angry at him; Hanzo was the one who'd hurt him most, after all. But he didn't look or seem very angry anymore. He was still the same Jesse Hanzo knew back then. After a moment of deliberation, Hanzo turns over, swallowing nervously, and takes a risk by slowly wrapping an arm around Jesse and pulling him close.

  The movement actually wakes Jesse up just enough for him to notice what's going on. “Hanzo?” He whispers, eyes half open, trying to see in the dark. “What are you-?”

  “Don't talk,” Hanzo requests quietly. “I just…want you.” He shakes his head when Jesse inhales sharply, going a bit tense. That didn't sound right, and Hanzo quickly corrects himself. “I mean…close to me.” He wonders if that's any better. It sounded awkward, that much he knew. Jesse eyes him for a moment before nodding slightly. Lowkey, he's relieved. He wasn't completely awake and was in no state to be having sex or anything of the like.

  “Alright,” He murmurs, deciding to roll with it and relax in Hanzo's embrace, sort of tucking himself in Hanzo's arms. He's right back to sleep just a moment later, and Hanzo takes a moment to just savor the feeling of having Jesse in his arms again. He listens to his breathing, which is calm and steady. He breathes in his scent; he smells of tobacco and the same cologne he used to wear back then, but it was never overpowering, just enough that you could tell it was there. He was…still Jesse. Despite still being upset deep down, he'd never get tired of being close to Jesse, in any way.

  Soon after Jesse's asleep, Hanzo follows. Unsurprisingly, it's the best sleep Hanzo's had in a long time.

 

***

 

  The flight to Japan was long and irritating, but they make it to Hanamura with little issue. They're both jet lagged, and are in no way tired when they arrive at almost midnight. Hanzo leads Jesse through the airport parking lot to his car. Jesse goes to get in the passenger side, then frowns when he sees that there's a steering wheel in the way. He doesn't move, even when Hanzo tries to nudge past him to get in. Hanzo gives him a quizzical look before Jesse speaks.

  “Y'all know your cars are all fucked up, right?” He asks, looking at Hanzo. Hanzo stares at him, utterly bewildered. 

  “What…” Hanzo looks at his car, then at Jesse, narrowing his eyes. “...you confuse me, McCree. Why is my car fucked up?” He asks, sighing tiredly and crossing his arms. 

  Jesse laughs, as if it wasn't obvious. He points at the car. “The steerin’ wheel’s on the wrong side, Hanzo!”

  Hanzo gives him an ‘are you fucking kidding me look’ before he shakes his head and shoves a now laughing Jesse out of the way. “We drive on the left in Japan,” Is his simple explanation as they get in the car. Jesse just takes off his hat, shaking his head.

  “I ain't ever been to Japan,” He murmurs. “Goddamn wild, is what this is.” He looks around the car, buckling up as Hanzo starts driving. 

  “Get used to it. I have a feeling you'll be here for a while. I have no leads on Genji yet.” Hanzo seems a bit tense once he brings up Genji. Jesse raises an eyebrow.

  “Just how long do you expect me to be here, Hanzo? I got work at home, you know. I could get fired- no, you know, I  _ will  _ get fired.” He glares at him a bit. “I don't even like you, Hanners.”

  “Two things,” Hanzo starts, suddenly sounding amused, a small smile on his lips. “One, you do like me.” Jesse sneers at him in retaliation. “Two, my hope is you won't be here any longer than a week.”

  Jesse huffs. “Guess it won't be hard to tell my boss to use up all my sick time…” He sighs and plays with the brim of his hat a bit. “The things I do for you, Shimada.”

  Hanzo looks over, still smiling a bit. He hadn't realized it before, but being with Jesse for these past few days really helped him loosen up. He hated to admit it, but Jesse McCree was essentially his biggest weakness. He almost feels like he did ten years ago. After Jesse slept in his bed the previous night, he realized that Jesse still cared. Jesse still knew how to make him feel better. Jesse still knew how to make him want to smile, and laugh, and make him feel like a fool with all his dumb jokes and nicknames and how easygoing and carefree he was. He was a ball of sunshine and Hanzo found it hard to be stern and cold towards him now. He found it hard to keep the past in front of him, while Jesse was obviously putting it behind. Hanzo felt like himself again  after feeling Jesse’s warmth for these past few days. 

  A warmth he didn't deserve anymore, and hadn't deserved in a very long time. 

  The car ride to the Shimada castle is quiet, aside from Jesse questioning Hanzo on “what is up with this Goddamn country and their Goddamn animes and shit”. Hanzo rolls his eyes a lot, and he never gives an answer, because he wants to smack him upside the head. Jesse takes the hint and shuts up, amused, deciding to watch the city go by as they drove. It was actually nice. Definitely not his little town, but nice nonetheless. 

  Hanzo parks the car outside of a huge, sort of scary looking place. Jesse decides that Hanzo was correct to call it the Shimada castle. He's certain it's big enough to qualify as a castle. Hanzo leads him inside, giving curt nods to the various guards they pass on the way in. Jesse sticks close to Hanzo, just a little bit scared of this place. It felt really big and spacious. The air felt formal and very serious, two things Jesse was not.

  The two of them head to Hanzo's private room, and Hanzo gestures for Jesse to set the duffle bag he's brought on the floor near the bed. “I have a feeling,” Hanzo says to Jesse as he puts his hands on his hips. “That you'd get lost trying to find your own room, so you'll sleep with me while you're here.”

  Jesse nods, until his mind goes right to the gutter. “Oh, I will, will I?” He asks with a big grin, eyes seeming to sparkle. Hanzo sneers, rolling his eyes.

  “Shut up, or you'll sleep in the bath, McCree. I'm not joking,” He warns, pointing a finger menacingly. Jesse holds up his hands in defense, still grinning.

 “Okay, okay,” He says with a little chuckle. He plops down on Hanzo's bed, which, in Jesse's opinion, was far too big for one single man. Three could probably fit on here… Hanzo snaps his fingers.

  “Hey. Shoes off the bed.” He turns away to grab the laptop he'd left home off his desk. Jesse shrugs and does as he's told, taking his boots off. He goes back to relaxing, and looks over when Hanzo sits on the other side of the bed, well away from Jesse. He opens up the laptop and immediately starts doing something. 

  Jesse just sits there quietly for a moment, listening to the tapping against the keyboard, the occasional mousepad click, Hanzo's frustrated sighs. Finally, Jesse sits up and looks at what Hanzo's doing. He sees a map, and various messages in Japanese across the screen. He raises an eyebrow. “What in the hell are you doing, Han?”

  “Seeing if Genji turned on his phone or not lately. I've placed a tracker in his phone- don't ask -but it's off, so I can't track him…It's been off since he went missing…” He closes the laptop in frustration, setting it on the nightstand before resting against the headboard, closing his eyes. “I don't know what to do. Nobody has any information. Nobody has any leads.”

  Feeling sad and sympathetic towards Hanzo, Jesse scoots a bit closer, resting his hand on Hanzo's shoulder. “Hey. You'll find him. And I'll do my best to help how I can, alright? I'm here.”

  Hanzo goes quiet, not shaking Jesse's hand off, keeping his eyes closed. It dawns on him a bit slowly. Jesse  _ was here _ , after all these years. After everything,  _ he was here _ . After a moment of silence, Hanzo snaps a little bit. He can't really take it. After all these years of being angry and hurting and wanting Jesse so bad...he can’t take it. He opens his eyes, and Jesse can hardly process the fiery look in them before Hanzo grips the collar of his shirt and pulls him in, kissing him. 

  Jesse, hardly even taking a second to think about the situation, immediately pulls away, looking confused and, Hanzo can tell by the way his brow furrows, hurt. “The hell did you do that for, Hanzo?” He whispers, breathing just a bit harder. Hanzo hasn't let go of his shirt yet. Not knowing what to say, Hanzo just looks at him. Jesse stares back at him for a moment before he shakes his head slowly, smacking Hanzo's hands away, all his feelings getting all mixed up suddenly. While he'd wanted this, and while he'd tried to initiate it before, old, bitter feelings were suddenly making their way to the surface now that he was coming face to face with them. He could be happy all he wanted, but this… this really made him think. 

  Hanzo goes a bit still, realizing by the look on Jesse's face that this was not the thing to do. “Jesse…”

  “You- you got a lotta fuckin’ nerve, Hanzo,” He mutters, moving away and getting off the bed. “After everything you did you think that you can just do that?” He asks, obviously getting upset. He'd done his best to put it all behind him for the sake of both their sanities, and he'd been happy with it. But Hanzo trying to start this up again felt wrong. Hanzo was the one who left, so why is he the one crawling back? Maybe it was shitty of Jesse to be okay only if he was the one initiating things- but not if Hanzo was.

  Hanzo slowly gets up, looking back at him. He's about to speak, but Jesse stops him. 

  “After you left me because I obviously wasn't that important to you, you think you can do that?” He demands, suddenly looking furious. 

  “Didn't you want this just a couple nights ago?” Hanzo asks calmly, feeling confused, and Jesse laughs harshly. 

  “You kiddin’? I was  _ drunk _ Hanzo, I don't-” He laughs again, because he knows he's fucking lying. He's a big Goddamn liar, and he has no right to be upset over that, because he did want it. He still wants it. Yet here he is, trying to push him away.

  Hanzo can feel the raw emotion coming off of him, and he kind of feeds off that. “Are you serious? How do you think I felt when you gave me that ultimatum, Jesse? How could you make me choose? I never said you weren't important enough to stay with-”

  “You didn't have to! You choosin’ to  _ leave me  _ said everything!” He gets in his face. “You choosing to leave me and break my fuckin’ heart said  _ everything _ !” He reiterates, and Hanzo just stares at him, his breathing starting to get shaky. 

  He had no excuse. He had no excuse other than, at the time, he thought upholding his father’s wishes to become the head of the Shimada clan was more important than staying with the love of his life. “I never wanted to leave. I never wanted to leave you, Jesse, but I had expectations to-”

  “Bullshit!” Jesse snaps, shoving him. “You lied, Hanzo. You lied about lovin’ me and you lied about wanting to be with me so you could screw around with me and- and run off with your brother back to- “ He raises his arms, gesturing around the room vaguely. “Whatever this is.” Because it wasn't home. Not in Jesse's mind.

  “Listen to me, Jesse,” Hanzo says, trying to keep calm. “My honor was on the line, I couldn't abandon that. I couldn't abandon my family. I wasn't thinking at the time about how badly it must’ve hurt you. I never lied to you, I swear.”

  “Sure, Hanzo.” He steps away, shaking his head, not wanting to believe him. He was starting to get a bit over emotional, and he hated it.

  Hanzo loses it when Jesse shakes his head, clearly not believing him. “I did love you!” He shouts, his hands shaking as he balls them into fists. “I loved you then, and even though you forced me to choose- even though I chose wrong, I still love you! I never forgave myself for that! Don't you see that? I was wrong for being angry that you made me choose! I was wrong for leaving, and I was wrong for hurting you!” He's seething now. 

  Jesse stares in surprise. “You never forgave yourself, huh? That right?” He asks quietly, smiling, disbelief written on his face. “How fuckin’ hard would it have been to call? Text? God damnit, how about an  _ email _ , Hanzo? You left, and you stayed gone. You didn't give a damn about leavin’-”

 “I was scared!” Hanzo shouts, interrupting him. “I was scared, Jesse! I was scared of how- of how I felt about you, and-” His accent was starting to thicken; He was afraid he'd start really stumbling over his English now. He was getting too upset to think straight. “And maybe I felt running away, and doing what was expected of me, would make it better for me. And when I realized that I- I messed up, and was wrong, I was scared of you never wanting to speak to me again. I was scared of losing you all over again if I tried to come back. And I'm sorry, Jesse.  _ I'm sorry _ .”

  Jesse goes quiet,  _ really _ looking at Hanzo. His whole body was practically vibrating with how emotional he was getting, a look of pure longing in his beautiful brown eyes. Jesse takes everything in, processing every word Hanzo says. Jesse goes a bit weak, unable to not believe him. He couldn't be angry anymore, even if he wanted to. This was all he'd wanted for years. All he'd wanted was to talk this out, and he'd wanted an apology. He doesn't know what to say, so he stays quiet. Hanzo had never bared himself like this, has never shown so much emotion before, not even when they were younger. Jesse starts breathing a bit harder before he grabs the back of Hanzo's neck and pulls him in for a hard kiss, unable to help himself, wanting to feel him against him more than anything.

  Hanzo doesn't even have the will to do anything but kiss him back, pouring all his anger and anguish that had built up over years into it, pulling himself flush against Jesse, gripping his hair. He turns them around, pushing Jesse onto the bed and climbing on top of him, never breaking their kiss. 

  It felt so damn good to kiss him again. It felt good to throw Jesse's belt off, get his shirt off, run his hands over his skin and through the hair on his chest like it was the smoothest silk he'd ever felt. It felt good to have Jesse desperately try to thrust up against him to try and get friction between them, to get them hard by taunting them with the promise of something good beneath their clothes. Both of them find themselves thinking of that time on that damn training room floor, grinding against each other like this again. Jesse slides his hands up Hanzo's shirt only to pull it off just a second later, making Hanzo gasp quietly. Jesse looks him over with a certain hunger in his eyes; he felt lucky that he got to look at Hanzo like this again. To be able to touch him and look at him again felt so amazing. 

  Hanzo pushes him back after a moment so he can get his pants off, struggling just a little bit because of how desperate he was for Jesse. He hadn't experienced such a need for someone else, ever. Jesse was…Jesse was it for him. Jesse was the only person he’d ever wanted this bad. 

  Jesse follows suit, getting his jeans off and tossing them to the floor in the growing pile for their clothes. He gets his boxers off, and a visible shiver goes through Hanzo when he sees Jesse's cock. Jesse is pretty satisfied with that reaction from him, and it makes him grin as he pulls him in for a hard kiss, adoring the way Hanzo sounded as he kisses him back for a moment before he pulls away. Hanzo's boxers are quickly pulled off, and Jesse's mouth kind of waters. He gives Hanzo a quick kiss before spitting into his own hand and reaching down to take Hanzo's cock in his hand, stroking him, biting his lip at the way Hanzo's eyes slip closed, a soft moan coming from his slightly parted lips. 

  Hanzo gets comfortable between Jesse's legs, just enjoying the near expert way Jesse works him over. Before he can get too caught up, though, he shakes his head rapidly, moving Jesse's hand away. “Turn over.” He requests, and Jesse takes a shaky breath before he does as asked, turning over and lowkey exposing himself to Hanzo. Hanzo takes a deep breath, then quickly rummages through his nightstand to find a condom and lube, things he hadn't used much lately. Having had success in finding what he needed, he lets out a little triumphant laugh, which makes Jesse chuckle. That was cute. 

  Hanzo takes a bit of time to prep Jesse, who just melts under Hanzo's touch. Sure, they were both ready and frantic and needy but…that lady thing they needed was someone getting hurt. After a few moments, Jesse looks over his shoulder and gives Hanzo a quick nod. Hanzo doesn't think twice before gripping Jesse's hips, pulling him close, and sliding into him, doing his best with the tight fit. Jesse groans, shutting his eyes tight, gripping the sheets tightly as he's filled up. This was one of the feelings he's missed the most, and he just knows Hanzo is feeling it too. Hanzo takes a moment to run his hands over Jesse's sides, over his ass, back to his hips. He grips before he pulls out just enough to thrust right back in, making Jesse gasp out loud and bite his lip.

  “Oh, fuck, darlin’,” Jesse whispers after a moment. “Just-” Hanzo repeats the action, grinning. “Just like that-”

  Hanzo doesn't hesitate, starting to fuck into him, adoring every little noise Jesse makes thereafter, every shiver that goes through him, every tension and every release of his muscles around his cock. After he's got a good rhythm going he reaches forward and gets a fistful of Jesse's hair, yanking it back, making Jesse yelp and sit up to ease the pull. Hanzo wraps his other arm around Jesse's waist and pulls him close to him, Jesse's back to his chest. He lets go of Jesse's hair then, and Jesse turns his head, panting as he moves himself on Hanzo's cock. Hanzo looks into Jesse's eyes before he kisses him the best he can with this angle, swallowing every one of Jesse's moans.

  Slipping his hand between Jesse's legs, Hanzo teases him a bit by sliding his hands down his thighs, over his stomach, his fingertips barely ghosting over the shaft of his cock. Jesse whines- God, he actually whines -eager to be touched, like he's starving for it. Hanzo gives in, taking Jesse into his hand and starting to jerk him off. Jesse gives him one final kiss before leaning forward again, gripping the headboard as Hanzo starts fucking him again, this time with the added sensation of him working over his cock. Jesse's whole body starts trembling as he's built up and up and-

  With little warning, his orgasm crashes over him like a goddamn tsunami, and he's spilling into Hanzo's hand as he grips the headboard so tight his knuckles go white. Hanzo gasps as Jesse’s body tenses around him, and with one last heard thrust into him, he follows right behind Jesse, groaning as he rides through his orgasm. 

  They both sit there for a long moment, catching their breath. Hanzo takes a moment to get rid of the condom before getting right back into bed. Jesse turns over onto his back, his eyes closed, his legs still spread. Hanzo smiles a bit before getting between Jesse's legs again and kissing him a lot more tenderly than he had before. And Jesse is relieved. He kisses him back, glad to have calmed down. Hanzo slowly runs his hands up Jesse's torso before sliding them up to cup his face. He pulls back just enough to look into Jesse's blown, glazed over eyes.

  “I love you,” He whispers, gently stroking his cheek with his thumb. Jesse just looks back at him for a moment, trying his best not to let his emotions get the best of him. It was amazing, hearing these words again. There wasn't a shred of doubt in him anymore. Hanzo loved him. 

  “I love you too,” He murmurs back, his voice just a little choked up. Hanzo closes his eyes and kisses him again before he lies beside him, closing his eyes. Jesse scoots up beside him, and Hanzo puts an arm around him, hugging him close. They're quiet for long while before Jesse sighs quietly. “Jet lag is a bitch, Han, I'm not even tired,” He murmurs, and Hanzo scoffs. 

  “I find that hard to believe.” He turns his head enough to smirk at Jesse, who grins at him. “You don't have sex like that and say you're not tired.”

  Resting a hand on Hanzo's chest, Jesse purses his lips a bit. “Ya got me there.” He looks back at him. “I just…I just kinda wanna enjoy this. Just…cuddlin’ with you. Been too long.”

  Offering a little nod, Hanzo closes his eyes. “I know…Jesse, I really am sorry. For everything. You didn't deserve…” He sighs. “You didn't deserve everything I did to you. And I don't deserve your forgiveness.”

  Jesse looks at him, shaking his head a little bit. “It's…It's all in the past now, darlin’. Really. But I guess I should apologize for ever makin’ you choose.”

  “Don't. You have nothing to apologize for. Nothing at all,” He tries to assure him. Jesse just nods a little.

  “Fine. But I'm still sorry.” He closes his eyes, and Hanzo decides not to protest.

  Neither of them really knows when the other falls asleep, but being in each other's arms had never felt so good. 

  The next morning, though, the loud ringing of Hanzo's phone wakes them both up abruptly. Hanzo immediately reaches for it, his eyes bleary. He can't make out the name or number on the screen, but he picks up anyways. “Hai?” He murmurs in greeting, forgetting all formality due to his hazy, sleep riddled mind. One second he's half asleep, but after the person on the other end speaks, he's upright in bed and wide awake, making Jesse, who was wrapped around him, fall back onto the bed. Hanzo responds in Japanese, leaving Jesse unknowing of the situation.

  “What the hell is goin’ on, Hanzo?” Jesse asks as he rubs the sleep from his eyes. Hanzo doesn't respond, his eyes wide. He says something else Japanese to whoever on the phone, his tone stern and firm, and he hangs up. Jesse repeats himself. “Hanzo, what's goin’ on?” He watches as Hanzo gets up and out of bed, heading to his closet to get dressed. Jesse just follows his lead, unsure of what else to do. Hanzo pulls up his hair, sighing. 

  “That was Genji,” He murmurs, taking a deep breath. Jesse’s eyes widen in surprise. 

  “ _ What _ ?” He asks in disbelief, pausing with his pants half up. “Are you kiddin’ me?”

  Hanzo shakes his head. “No. He managed to get his phone back for a moment, and he called. I know where he is. I know who he's with.” 

  “Well, damn,” Jesse murmurs, finishing getting dressed rather quickly, noticing that Hanzo was very eager to get on with getting to his brother. 

  Hanzo turns and looks at Jesse, crossing his arms. “You still know how to use a gun, right?”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> !

  Jesse rubs a hand over his face, his other on his hip, as he paces the room anxiously. Hanzo was preparing the guns, making sure they were all loaded and working properly, trying to ignore Jesse’s pacing. “I can't believe this,” Jesse mutters, shaking his head. “This is- it's messed up, Hanzo.”

  “I know, Jesse,” Hanzo says quietly. “I know it is. I'm not any happier about it than you are, I assure you.” He sets the pistols he's finished loading down on the table. They were in what Jesse assumed was a sort of smaller conference room, but they were alone. Hanzo had requested as such. Jesse glances over at him. 

  “You realize how messed up this is, right?” He asks, still in disbelief, and Hanzo sighs and nods. 

  “Yes, I do,” He agrees. They'd been made aware that Talon had settled in Hanamura temporarily a month or so ago, but Hanzo hadn't thought anything of it since they weren't causing any trouble; either that, or Hanzo's workers were taking care of things quickly and quietly, before Hanzo found out. Hanzo should've realized sooner that when Genji went missing a week after their arrival that it was their doing, and he feels absolutely idiotic that he didn't. He's just…ashamed of himself.

  When they were told, Jesse had immediately gone tense and pale, because that meant they'd have to face Gabriel again, and whoever he's working with now. What he didn't understand was  _ why.  _ It didn't make any sense to Hanzo and Jesse both how kidnapping Genji benefitted them at all. Jesse just continues to pace, anxiety building up inside him more and more. He was sure an anxiety attack was coming on soon.

  Hanzo sighs. “Jesse, please try to calm down,” He requests quietly, getting up and taking Jesse's hand. “Sit down. Let's figure out what we're going to do, alright?” He whispers, gently rubbing his thumb across Jesse's knuckles. Jesse sighs shakily and nods, letting Hanzo sit him down. Hanzo doesn't let go of his hand, quiet and thinking for a moment. “Our best bet is to go peacefully. Maybe try to make a deal. Try to get Genji back peacefully, if possible.” He takes a deep breath. “We don't have much time. Are you ready for this?”

  Jesse stares at him for a moment, his eyes a little wide with worry. He doesn't have to think very long though. He sighs quietly and nods a little, standing up. He grabs one of the pistols off the table. “Let's go.”

 

***

 

  They arrive at the Talon base with their hands up, guns tucked in their belts behind their backs under their jackets. The guards are immediately armed, guns pointed at the two of them. “State your business, Shimada!” One of the guards shouts, and Hanzo takes a breath.

  “Let me speak to Reyes,” He requests, voice firm, face stern and serious. Jesse opts to say nothing, but the guard gestures to him with her gun. 

  “And him? What is he here for?” She demands. Hanzo glances at him, then at the guard again. 

  “Backup,” Hanzo answers calmly, and the guard frowns, looking at the other guard for a moment. “We hope to speak peacefully,” He clarifies, sighing quietly. 

  After a moment of deliberation, the guards presses a fingertip to the comm in her ear. “Sir, we've got a couple from the Shimada clan wanting to speak with you. Peacefully.” She says into it, keeping her eyes on the two of them. After a second or two, she hums and nods her head. “Yes, sir. Alright.” She puts her hand down then looks at the other guard. “Pat them down, let them in.” The other guard nods, letting his gun rest at his side as he goes and pats Hanzo down. 

  Hanzo cringes, then sighs in frustration when the guard takes his gun and tosses it to the ground. Jesse stays still, watching the guard carefully. Great. They're going in weaponless. Perfect. The guard gestures for Hanzo to head inside, to which Hanzo doesn't move. He crosses his arm, silently saying he's waiting for Jesse. The guard rolls his eyes and pats Jesse down, and upon finding his gun, he sighs. “Idiots,” He mutters before shoving Jesse away. “He's waiting for you inside.”

  Jesse flips the guard off before starting to walk, Hanzo following him. He sighs. “Peacefully,” He murmurs, and Hanzo just shrugs. 

  “I figure it's the easiest way to get Genji back, rather than causing a commotion,” He explains quietly, shaking his head a bit. Jesse just runs a hand through his hair, not responding. They walk inside to a small common room, where a couple agents are doing some sort of work at the computers hung up on the wall, keeping a close eye on some maps. The agents turn, then upon seeing them, immediately get up, guns in hand.

  They're about to shoot when a loud, gravelly voice shouts at them to be ‘at ease’. Both Hanzo and Jesse turn towards the voice, both going tense when Reyes steps in front of them. The agents lower their weapons, and Jesse goes rigid. Reyes goes just as still, his eyes widening just a bit when he seeing Jesse. “...what a… _ pleasant  _ surprise,” He murmurs, trying to keep his expression as neutral as he can. But seeing him again after so long…after their falling out. It filled him with fury and rage all over again and he wants to strangle the damn kid. But he keeps calm. He'd done his best to prepare for this anyways, this would be easy. 

  “Wish I could say the same, Reyes,” Jesse grits out through his teeth, his heart pounding. Reyes gives him a cold chuckle before he looks at Hanzo, a slight, sinister smile on his face. 

  “Shimada. I think I know what you're here for.” Hanzo nods in response, jaw taut with tension. Reyes nods. “Why don't you two come with me, huh? I'm sure someone would be  _ very _ eager to see you.”

 

***

 

  Genji sits on his knees, wrists bound behind his back, his breathing shaky. He'd been beaten, bloodied, bruised, and even  _ breathing _ hurt. He could hear his blood pounding in his ears, his vision was swimmy, and honestly? He kind of wanted to die. If Hanzo hadn't found him yet, would he ever? But here he sat in the middle of some dimly lit, cold, empty room that reminded him vaguely of a cell, but it wasn't. He knew exactly what this room was, what exactly Reyes saved this for. This was where he… _ executed _ people, to put it plainly. It was sick, but…then again, so was Reyes. Genji didn't have any hope for himself anymore the second he was shoved in here. Reyes caught him at the end of the call he'd made to Hanzo, and shit, he was _not_ happy about it,  _at all_. He'd fucked himself over trying to call for help, but...Reyes hadn't actually tried to stop him... Still, it was just a matter of time now before Reyes came in and killed him. 

  His head jerks up- too quickly -when the door suddenly opens, and through the pain that shoots through him, he inhales sharply when he sees Reyes…then goes absolutely silent again when he sees brother behind him. “Hanzo!” He shouts, tears welling up in his eyes. Oh, God, he was so relieved. Hanzo immediately runs up and drops to his knees in front of his brother, hands cupping his face. 

  “Genji, Genji,” He whispers, feeling more relief than he's felt in such a long time. He hugs him, and Genji doesn't even stop him, having missed his brother too much to care about the pain. “I was so worried, brother,” He whispers, and Genji sniffles. Then, on a whim, he looks over his brother's shoulder, his eyes landing on Jesse. 

  “What is…” He leans away, eyeing Jesse, who can only offer a weak smile and wave. The fact that Reyes was standing next to him was…it was killing him. “Jesse,” He whispers hoarsely. “What are you doing here?” He asks. 

  Jesse is about to respond, but Reyes clears his throat, interrupting them. “I hope you boys didn't think this would happen so easily.” He says, voice clear and a bit…scary. Hanzo slowly stands up. 

  “Of course not. I'm…prepared to do anything to get my brother back, Reyes,” He explains quietly, looking Reyes in the eye. Reyes is quiet for a moment, crossing his arms slowly. 

  “Anything? Is that right?” He asks, and Hanzo nods in confirmation. 

  “Name your price, I'll pay it,” He whispers, almost sounding desperate, despite his collected demeanor. Reyes smiles a little, nodding slowly, starting to pace around a bit. 

  “Well, I guess that's pretty good for me then, because…I have a pretty hefty price, now.” He shoots a look at Jesse, who goes tense, eyeing Reyes warily. 

  “What is it, Reyes?” Jesse asks, frowning. Hanzo nods slightly, agreeing with Jesse’s question. Reyes takes a deep breath, nodding. 

  “Alright. Here's the thing… _ boys _ ,” Reyes begins, his words slow and drawn out. “Jesse, kid, I've been keeping tabs on you. Very. Close. Tabs.” He looks at Jesse, who looks surprised, then confused, then scared. Hanzo says nothing, but worry starts to blossom in his chest.

  “What does that have to do with anything?” Jesse asks, voice low. Reyes holds up a hand, silently telling him to shut up. 

  “McCree, you…you were my son. I raised you. I took you in off the streets, I saved you from prison, I gave you a fucking  _ home _ . I may have…” He taps his head. “Lost it a little, in the end, but I was all you had. You should've followed me. Stood by me. You were my second in command, after all. You were supposed to be by my side no matter what.”

  Jesse swallows nervously. An odd feeling was starting to swell inside him, in the very pit of his stomach. He doesn't know what to think. “I…I repeat. What the  _ fuck _ does that have to do with anything?” His voice is starting to shake with all the bitter memories coming to his mind. He didn't want to remember that. He didn't want the pain coming back. 

  “Well…I'll tell you, I'm still…really,  _ really _ angry with you. I'm still feeling…” He looks up towards the ceiling, pausing. “Betrayed. By my own son. My own family. And…I can't forgive that.” He looks at Jesse, pressing a hand to his heart. “Because I'm hurt.”

  Jesse and Hanzo exchange a look of worry, neither of them feeling like this is going to end well at all. Jesse wishes more than anything that he had his gun. “What do you want, Reyes? What are you getting at?” Hanzo asks, frowning, worry and concern lacing his words. Reyes just chuckles. 

  “I knew Hanzo would come looking for you once Genji went missing. Who else could he turn to? He's got nobody else in the world. And maybe it's…elaborate, to do it all this way and to wait so long, but I wanted to get you here. I know you've been working for Overwatch. The exact people who fucked us both over. But I couldn't go back to our town. Too many familiar faces. I spent a long time trying to figure out how to deal with you, but you never left that Goddamn town. And then…bright idea. These two.” He gestures to Hanzo and Genji, who both have stoic, solemn looks on their face. Jesse starts shaking a little, trying to figure out how exactly to process this. Reyes continues. “And it worked, clearly. And the call Genji made? God, that just made it all so, _so_ much easier for me.” He smirks, and Jesse shoots a look at Hanzo, who seems to slowly be coming to realization, along with Genji, whose eyes slowly widen. It's all starting to make sense. Reyes continues. “See, I was going to do this myself, but…” He pulls a gun from a holster at his thigh and looks at Hanzo, holding it out. “Watching this just might be even better.”

  Immediately, Hanzo steps away. “What the- no, no I'm not doing that,” Hanzo says quickly, shaking his head rapidly. “I can't, and I won't.” 

  Jesse is absolutely stunned, cold fear shooting through him. “Are you kiddin’ me, Reyes?” He asks, voice barely above a whisper. “You'd kill me over somethin’ that small? You must be real fucked up-” He's interrupted by a hard punch to his jaw, surprising him. He drops to his knees from the force, a hand going up to hold the spot he'd been punched. He just looks up at Reyes, his hands trembling, his heart pounding. Hanzo remains still, glancing down at Genji, who can't seem to process what exactly is going on. He's quiet, watching, unable to help.

  “Yes, I would, because it wasn't small to me. You  _ owed  _ me your  _ life _ , for everything I did. And you screwed me over.” He turns to Hanzo again, holding up the gun once more. “This is the price for your brother, Shimada. McCree’s life for your brother's.” His voice is low, sinister, solemn. Hanzo looks at the gun, his mind starting to swirl with all these thoughts and what if’s and all those memories he's had with Jesse. Every last one of them. 

  Jesse has gone quiet now. Seeing that way Hanzo stared at that gun right now...huh. He should've expected this. He bows his head, resting his fists on his thighs. He doesn't bother getting up. What was point? If what he thought was going to happen was about to happen, he'd be right back down here in seconds anyways. “Do it, Hanzo,” He murmurs, and Hanzo’s eyes snap right back to Jesse.

  “Absolutely not,” Hanzo says right away, voice raised. “I won't do it. I told you, Reyes, I wanted this to be-” He's cut off when Reyes holds to gun in Genji's direction. Genji inhales sharply, his eyes widening, and Hanzo quickly steps between them.

  “Oh-” Genji tries to move away, but he doesn't get far before the pain is too much and he has to stay still.

  “Fuck!” Hanzo shouts, ripping the gun from Reyes’ hand. “Let me- I need to-”

  “Hanzo, I said do it,” Jesse repeats, keeping his head down. Reyes steps away, eyeing the two of them carefully. Hanzo starts shaking. He needed his brother. He needed Jesse. These…were the two most important people in his life. What was he supposed to do? “You need Genji,” Jesse continues unprompted. “You need Genji a hell of a lot more than you need me, darlin’,” He whispers, looking up and smiling sadly, his brown eyes glazing over with unshed tears. “And ya know what? I suppose ol Gabe here is right. I deserted him when I guess I shouldn't have. And...this is it. It's the price I gotta pay for what I done. You need Genji, and Genji needs you.” He takes a breath, trying not to get even more sad over the fact that Hanzo looks like he's about to burst into tears any second now. “If my life is what  _ you _ have to pay to get him the hell outta here then you better pay it, Hanzo.” His voice and expression has gone stern and serious, and Hanzo can't help but let a tear or two fall, his lower lip starting to tremble a bit. 

  He can't believe it when he feet actually start walking towards Jesse, pulling the hammer back on the gun he took from Reyes. Jesse swallows hard when he hears the click of the hammer being pulled back and bows his head. “May I say a few words to him?” Hanzo asks Reyes without taking his eyes off Jesse. Reyes sighs impatiently and waves a hand. Hanzo kneels down, taking Jesse's chin in his free hand and tilting his head up. He smiles slightly at him, then leans in to his ear. “I'm so sorry, my love,” He whispers, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. He pulls back, then kisses his forehead, letting his lips linger there. Jesse just smiles a little, sniffling as his heart starts racing.

  “Hanzo, don't,” Genji murmurs, his voice hoarse and choked up. “Come on, brother, I'm not worth it,” He insists, but Jesse shakes his head. 

  “Nah, Genj. It's alright, don't worry. You take good care of Hanzo now, ya hear? And don't dick around. That's an order.” He can't help but chuckle a little, closing his eyes. “Okay, Han, darlin’. Get it over with.”

  Hanzo takes a deep breath, wiping his eyes with his free hand. Then, with a shaky hand, he presses the barrel of the gun right over where he kissed Jesse. The last place he'd ever get to kiss him. 


	16. Chapter 16

  The room was fairly quiet. 

  Jesse is hardly even aware he's conscious, everything feeling heavy, dark, numb, quiet. He's only aware of consciousness because of the faint, steady, slow beeping he can hear somewhere in the room, the only sound piercing through the silence. He can't remember where he is or what happened- at least for right now -and he can't open his eyes. Maybe he doesn't have the energy to, maybe he's not awake enough. 

  He struggles to bring himself to the surface, trying to take deeper breaths, trying to open his eyes.  _ Come on _ , he urges himself.  _ Just wake the hell up. Figure out what the hell is goin’ on, McCree!  _

__ It doesn't work. 

 

***

 

  He can hear his own heartbeat pounding in his ears, slow, steady, barely there. The beeping he's hearing matches up with it. He tries moving his hand. It doesn't work. He tries breathing deeper. His body won't listen to him. 

  He hears a voice or two in the room. They're so quiet, he can't really understand what they're saying or who they are. But he doesn't understand what's going on with him. Why can't he move? Why can't he speak? Why can't he even open his damn eyes? 

_ Come on, McCree. Please… _

***

 

  “It's best if you start to make, ah… _ arrangements _ for him, Mr. Shimada. Things aren't looking very good. We tried bringing him out of the coma days ago but he still isn't responding. It might be time to let him-”

  “Absolutely not. No, he's going to- he's going to come through. We just have to wait.”

  That's Hanzo. 

  Jesse knows that much. Hanzo is in the room. He doesn't recognize the other voice, but he assumes it's a doctor. What do they mean, coma? Is that what this was? Was he just…stuck here? Would he ever be able to get out? 

  He tries again to move even a Goddamn  _ finger.  _

  But he can't make it work. 

***

 

  Aha! 

  His hand moves. He manages to move because he feels Hanzo's skin against his and it feels so damn good. Hanzo wraps his hand around his and it feels like he's alive again. It's warm, and soft, and it's  _ Hanzo _ . He squeezes his hand back, making Hanzo gasp softly. “Jesse?” Hanzo asks quietly, resting his other hand on top of Jesse's. “Can you hear me?” Jesse manages to squeeze his hand again before he slips away again.

  God damnit, he was so close. 

 

***

 

  Honestly, even though the white hospital room ceiling was plain, boring, and nothing to behold, it was still amazing to see when Jesse opens his eyes for the first time. He inhales sharply- wow, he actually took a big breath -then releases it, closing his eyes again, processing the fact he's fully conscious now. “Hanzo,” He chokes out, his voice hoarse and rough from disuse. It doesn't even sound like him, really… He looks up at the ceiling again. The sun was bright, making the room seem to glow a little. Hm. 

  Immediately, someone is beside him. “Jesse, my love, can you hear me?”

  Holy hell, it's Hanzo. It's  _ Hanzo _ , Jesse recognizes that voice. It sounded like an angel. “Mm,” Jesse manages to hum, closing his eyes, and Hanzo laughs a little in relief, leaning over Jesse to look at him. Jesse manages to open his eyes again, and when he sees Hanzo's face- his face was so damn beautiful, Jesse could cry. Hanzo is smiling, his eyes alight with love and relief and pure happiness. “What…happened?” Jesse does his best to ask, and another person in the room lets out a little laugh as they come over as Jesse very slowly, and with a  _ lot _ of effort, pushes himself up to a sitting person. It's Genji, Jesse could pick out that laugh easy, and seeing him is just as nice as seeing Hanzo.

  “Jesse, maybe you should wake more before we explain. Alright? It's…been a while, that you've been out…” Genji explains quietly, smiling softly. Jesse shakes his head a bit.

  “Shut up. I'm…alright. I'm alright, tell me…” He murmurs, going to run a hand through his hair. He's stopped when he feels a sharp pain shoot through his whole head the second he touches his scalp. He hisses, wincing, pained. Hanzo rests a hand on his upper arm, gently bringing his hand back down

  “Take it easy,” Hanzo murmurs. “Look. When I…when I went to, you know, shoot you, I…” He takes a breath. “I did it. And I was scared I had killed you, but…clearly I didn't.” He smiles slightly. He looks incredibly guilty, but Jesse doesn't want him to be. He's very aware of the ache in his skull now; meds must be wearing off. Shit. Hanzo had actually done it. 

  “What else happened?” Jesse asks. “With, um…” He can't remember his name.” Um…you, uh, you know…”

  Although a worried look crosses his face, Hanzo takes a breath and starts to explain. “I turned the gun on Reyes-” That was it, that was his name. Jesse is able to recall more now. “I was too quick, he didn't see it coming.”

  Oh. Reyes was… oh. “How'd y'all get out?” He asks, voice quiet, nearly inaudible. 

  “Would you believe me if I said Hanzo wiped out nearly the entire base by himself?” Genji asks, leaning against his thighs from where he sits beside Jesse. “He was so…” He sighs. “He really wanted to get us out of there. I think he blacked out, because he wasn't even thinking. Just...shooting.” Genji zones out for just a second or two, remembering what happened. Jesse looks at Hanzo, who looks away, then down at his lap. 

  “He's correct. I don't recall much. One second I had a gun pointed at Reyes, the next I was here in the hospital.” He sighs. It seemed to bother him a bit that he couldn't remember what happened. 

  Jesse knew Hanzo was scary when he was angry. He’d seen that a time or two during missions, back when they were younger, and he didn’t doubt that that hadn't changed over the years. But hearing this...scared him even more, but not really in a bad way. His man was pretty damn badass. He takes a deep breath. “Hanzo, darlin...whatever happened, you saved our lives,” He whispers, and Hanzo smirks, shaking his head a bit. 

  “I know.” He looks at Jesse, taking his hand. “I'm more upset...because I had to hurt you like I did. The doctors are worried you’ll lose some memory, or have trouble with certain things, but...they said you got lucky, that they could fix pretty much everything.” He still looks guilty, but Jesse just smiles a bit. 

  “Yeah, that's pretty…good,” He murmurs as he squeezes Hanzo's hand. He couldn't complain; things seemed to be okay. Sure, being shot in the fucking head wasn't ideal, but… 

  It could be worse, right?

  Jesse turns to Genji. “What, uh…are you okay, Genji?” He asks, vaguely remembering that Genji was pretty fucked up when he and Hanzo arrived. 

  Genji nods. “Mhm. Nothing that couldn't easily be fixed. I wasn't worried about me, though. We were worried about you.” He takes Jesse's other hand.  “You're gonna be okay.”

  Jesse wants to believe that pretty badly, but…he doesn't know if it'll be that easy. 

 

***

 

  Jesse frowns, staring at Peacekeeper, then looking up at the target he'd been firing at in Hanzo's backyard. He'd missed the bullseye every single time. His hand was shaking at this point, and he was incredibly frustrated. He couldn't make all the shots he would've been able to before. Genji walks outside as Jesse lifts the gun again, aiming at the target. His hand starts shaking a little more, and when he fires, his hand jerks back like it has been doing all afternoon, the kickback affecting him far more than it had before. 

  Genji crosses his arms, sighing quietly. “Are you okay, Jesse?” He asks, walking over to him. Jesse takes a shaky breath and shakes his head. 

  “Can't fuckin’ shoot straight,” He mutters, turning to look at Genji. “The hell is wrong with me?” He asks more to himself, shoving Peacekeeper back into its holster. Genji rests a hand on his arm. 

  “You just got out of the hospital a few days ago. The doctors even said you had to do some rehabilitation to be back to your old self,” Genji reminds him, trying his best to be gentle. Jesse just scoffs. 

  “Didn't think it was real.” He looks at Genji. “This sucks, Genji, I don't like this at all. I don't feel like myself anymore. For a second I couldn't even remember how to load my Goddamn gun!” He shouts, kicking the ground in frustration. 

  With a little sigh of sympathy, Genji starts leading him back inside. “It will just take some time, Jesse. You'll be okay,” He gently pats his shoulder, and Jesse just shakes his head. 

   “Doubt it,” He mutters. Jesse was just…so  _ frustrated _ . Nothing felt the same anymore. Whatever that bullet did to his head really screwed him up. He forgets words sometimes, his aim was off, writing sucked, and his memory could be spotty at times, especially when he was stressed. Despite it all, he doesn't blame Hanzo. Not at all. And he never would, because Hanzo didn't have a choice. Hanzo was doing what Jesse asked, and Jesse  _ couldn't  _ be mad about that. 

  As they head back inside, they're greeted by Hanzo, who was on the phone with someone. He turns to look at them, and he smiles until he sees the bitter, angry look on Jesse's face. He murmurs something into the phone before hanging up and putting it in his pocket. “What's wrong, Jesse?” He asks calmly, coming over and dismissing Genji. Genji bows a bit and walks away. 

  “Nothin’,” Jesse mutters, shoving his hands in his pockets, looking away. Hanzo crosses his arms, not believing him. 

  “Tell me,” Hanzo requests, his voice quiet yet serious. Jesse heaves a sigh before turning his head to look at Hanzo. 

  “I'm mad. I'm mad that my head is all fucked. I can't-” He takes another deep, angry breath. “I'm not myself anymore, Hanzo.” He can't help it when he tears up. “I'm not mad at you, I just…”

  Hanzo shakes his head a little and pulls him into a gentle hug. “I know…” He whispers, rubbing Jesse's back, relieved when Jesse hugs him back. “We can work with this. We'll find a way to make this better. I promise.” 

  Wanting to believe him, wanting to hope that this  _ could  _ be better, Jesse nods a little and hugs Hanzo closer, burying his face in his neck. “Okay.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Struggles


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> light sexy stuff ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  Jesse seemed a little awkward as he tried to handle Hanzo's cock. Hanzo watches him, an eyebrow raised, as he tries to stroke him off. His hand was moving a bit oddly, like he wasn't sure what he was doing anymore. He bites his lip, and he tugs a bit too hard, making Hanzo gasp and wince. “J-Jesse, okay, maybe you should-” He gently removes Jesse's hand from around himself, making Jesse frown. 

  He heaves a deep sigh and sits back, looking dejected, upset, and more than anything, frustrated. Hanzo doesn't mean to, but he gives him a sympathetic look as he takes his hand. He's about to tell him it's okay when Jesse takes his hand back, shaking his head. “Can't even- I can't even do this right anymore,” Jesse whispers, putting his face in his hands. Hanzo sighs quietly and wraps and arm around him, pressing a kiss to his temple, right by the fresh scar. 

  “Then don't.” He murmurs, rubbing Jesse's shoulder when he flinches at the kiss. “Why don't you let me take care of you?” He asks quietly, sliding his free hand down across Jesse's thigh, touch light against his skin. Jesse shivers a bit, nuzzling into Hanzo a bit. 

  “Alright, darlin’,” He whispers, closing his eyes. Well...he was trying not to be upset. He’d only had sex with Hanzo once before the incident, and to him that was definitely not enough. So knowing he'd have trouble with  _ this  _ too? Upsetting to say the least. Hanzo just kisses him again, softer this time, before he leans away a bit to grab a bit of lube, putting some on his hand. He then gets to work on stroking Jesse's cock, hand gentle, not wanting to overwhelm him. 

  He keeps it slow, keeping his lips on Jesse's. This was their first time trying anything since Jesse got out of the hospital, and Hanzo had almost expected something like this to happen. Still, he wanted to make Jesse feel good. He wanted to make him feel  _ better _ . And he knew this was a little, insignificant thing, but...maybe it'd help. 

  Jesse doesn't take long at all to finish, and he murmurs an apology with a strained voice as he cums into Hanzo's hand, groaning a bit as his head falls back. He takes a moment to collect himself, catching his breath, before he looks at Hanzo. “I love you,” He whispers, still just a little breathless. 

  Smiling a little as he takes his hand back, Hanzo nods a little and kisses his cheek. “I love you too, Jesse.” He stands up, inspecting his hand a moment before he glances at Jesse. “You're okay?” He heads to the bathroom attached to his room, leaving the door open so he can still hear Jesse as he cleans up. 

  Jesse chuckles quietly, sliding back and relaxing into the bed, an arm behind his head. “I'm good, darlin’. Glad my dick still works, that's good to know.” Hanzo laughs a little, shaking his head a bit.

  “I suppose it is, yes,” He agrees, still sort of chuckling. He's quiet for a moment before he chuckles again. “You know, it's kind of like…” He thinks of how to word it. “When we first started...doing  _ things  _ with each other.” 

  Jesse turns his head to look at Hanzo. “Hm?” He hums in question. 

  “You, I mean. You’re…sort of learning again. You're uncertain. Like it's all new again.” And he hopes that doesn't sound terrible. “It's…a bit nostalgic.” Jesse smiles a little, shaking his head a bit. 

  “Sure it is, sweetheart,” Jesse murmurs, closing his eyes. A moment or two later, he feels Hanzo get in bed next to him, and he just curls up next to him, letting Hanzo wrap an arm around him almost protectively. It's silent between them before Jesse sighs. “Don't think I'm goin’ home, Hanzo,” He murmurs, and Hanzo looks at him as best as he can with Jesse's head on his chest. 

  “What do you mean?” He asks quietly, and Jesse shifts a bit. 

  “There's nothin’ left for me there. No family, not many friends. But here, I got you. And I got Genji. Y'all are my family, and ya always have been. And I wanna stay here with you.” His voice is soft; it's clear he's on the verge of sleep. Hanzo goes quiet for a moment.

  “You can stay,” He whispers. “Of course you can.” He pulls him a bit closer. “Nothing would make me happier,” He admits, and Jesse just lets out a quiet chuckle, pressing a kiss to Hanzo's chest before he lies back down, and falls asleep. 

 

***

 

  Jesse’s reaction time was getting better, slowly but surely. Genji was throwing punch after punch, and he wasn't landing very many. Jesse was blocking them easier now, and he was kind of proud of himself. Training felt good, and it took his mind off everything shitty that was swirling around in his head. All the doubts, all the pain, and all the loss… It was easier to manage now that he was being kept busy, and that he was getting back to his old self. 

  Jesse grins and decides to try taking a swing at Genji, who gasps, not expecting that at all. He still blocks it, though, before he grins. “Sneaky,” He says through a chuckle. Jesse can't help but smile.

  “Ha!” He exclaims, throwing another punch. Genji barely misses that time, and he gasps a bit.

  “Scary,” He murmurs, smirking. He puts his arms down, stepping back. “I think we're done for today, yes?” He asks, and Jesse nods, chuckling. 

  “Yeah, yeah, we’re done,” He says, and he grabs the towel he had with his stuff, wiping his forehead a bit. Hanzo walks into the training room, then, hands in his pockets. seeing that the two are finished, he smiles a little.

  “So, how did it go?” He asks, looking between them. Both Genji and Jesse nod, murmuring about how it went well, and Hanzo smiles a bit wider. “That's great. Ah, Genji, I'd like to talk to you in private. It's...important.” He shifts his weight a bit, looking at his brother. Hanzo seemed to be nervous about something, which put Genji on edge. He takes a breath and looks at Jesse. 

  “See you later,” He says with a little smile before following Hanzo out. They head off to Hanzo's office, and Genji is actually kind of worried. “Um…care to tell me what's going on?”

  Hanzo closes the office door once they're both inside, and he sighs quietly. “...I've come to a realization recently, brother,” He says quietly, leaning against his desk, his arms crossed. Genji eyes him suspiciously.

  “And what is that?” He asks warily, concerned by the look on Hanzo's face. Hanzo doesn't respond for a moment, looking away from Genji, swallowing hard. 

  After a beat of silence, Hanzo takes a deep breath. “I…I want to marry Jesse, Genji,” Hanzo finally admits, his voice quiet. Genji's eyes widen, a hand coming up to cover his mouth. He can't say anything for a few seconds, not knowing exactly how to respond. 

  When he finally finds the words, he moves his hand away from his mouth and laughs a little. “You…want to marry him?” He asks for clarification, and Hanzo nods.

  “He's been here for a few months now, and…after everything, after all these, we’re still in love. And it was nice remembering all of that these past few months. After all this time I still love him very dearly,” His voice is quiet. “And I don't want there to be a chance that I could lose him. I…I want to be with him for the rest of my life, Genji.”

  Genji is silent for a moment or two before he smiles softly, going over and pulling Hanzo into a tight hug, sighing quietly. “Alright,” He says quietly, rubbing his back. “You two...I think destiny intended for you to be together. And I think you should propose. I know you don't need it, but you've got my blessing,” He teases, squeezing Hanzo. 

  Hanzo can't help but laugh a little, hugging his brother right back. “Thank you, brother.” He smiles a bit before leaning away, holding Genji at arm's length. He stares at him for a moment before he grins. “I'm going to marry him, Genji,” He murmurs, and Genji can't help but laugh a little, nudging him away. 

  “I'm sure you will, Hanzo,” He says through his laughter. “You have to ask at the right time though. Maybe make it a big deal. Wine and dine him, you know?” He smirks, and Hanzo rolls his eyes.

  “Mm, sure,” He hums with a nod, thinking it over. “I could…well, however I decide to do it, I'm sure it'll be special.” He takes a breath, standing up straight. “Anyways…thank you for speaking with me. That was all.” He waves his hand a bit, dismissing Genji. 

  Genji rolls his eyes dramatically and turns on his heels, walking out of Hanzo's office. As he heads back down the hall to his room, he can't help but smile to himself. Wow. Hanzo was going to get married. And he only knew this for sure because he knew Jesse was a hopeless romantic who was very deeply in love, and had been for years upon years. He begins imagining their wedding, and how happy of an occasion it'll be. He…kind of can't wait, and he wants to tell Jesse, but that's an absolute no-no.

  With a little skip in his step, he makes his way into his room. He's so, so happy his brother is happy again. It was a nice change of pace seeing him smile and laugh instead of the opposite. All he wants is for it to stay that way, and if Jesse does that, he'd support it all a hundred percent.

  He can't wait. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this was kinda short. I think the next chapter might be the last, but I'm not 100% sure yet. hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	18. Chapter 18

  As a child, Hanami had been Hanzo's favorite time of the year. Despite being young, he remembered going to the park with his mother and father before Genji was born to watch all the cherry blossoms fall and get blown away by the breeze. Genji was born in the middle of Hanami, and after losing their mother, their father became quite detached from his son and the holiday itself. The blossoms only reminded him of pain. Now, his only concern was making sure Hanzo was prepared for his job. Because of this, the tradition of celebrating Hanami as a family was long lost. Each year, Hanzo ended up taking Genji on his own. When Genji was too little to go to the park, Hanzo would lead him out to their backyard to sit under the cherry blossom tree they had there to enjoy the spring breeze and the light scent of the blossoms. Once Genji became old enough, he and Hanzo would walk to the park nearby to celebrate with the other residents of Hanamura. Every year they went to the park together, even after Hanzo assumed his role as the future head of the clan. He still made time to take his brother to the park and celebrate; Hanami was very big in Hanamura. Almost every tree planted was a cherry blossom tree.

  Genji remembered those years with fondness. Sometimes he felt bad for behaving the way he did in his youth, going out all hours of the night, returning home either drunk or high, occasionally bringing someone home… Even as angry as Hanzo was with his brother for acting out, he still celebrated with him, every year. Genji was relieved, in all honesty. Genji knew the trouble he was in because of his behavior, yet Hanzo never let the tradition go. 

  This was Jesse's first Hanami festival since arriving in Japan, and Hanzo and Genji really wanted to make sure he enjoyed it. It's been nearly a year since he's been in Japan; It was very unfortunate that his time here started with a shot to the head… It was late March, the festival had just started, and the trees had just blossomed. The town was buzzing with life and joy, and with such good memories of Hanami, Hanzo knew that this was it. This was when he'd propose to Jesse. Spring was a celebration of new life, of rebirth, of joy and happiness. In his mind it was... _ perfect _ . 

  Hanzo gets a ring, despite not knowing Jesse's exact ring size. He'd seen Jesse playing with his jewelry before- yes, playing with his jewelry -and it appeared that his rings fit Jesse rather perfectly, so he goes out on a limb and gets an engagement ring in his own size, with hopes that it'll fit Jesse. It was a simple silver band with a small ‘Love, Hanzo’ engraved on the inside. He figured it would suffice as an engagement ring. He'd run it by Genji, who'd agreed that it was a great ring, and then he'd teared up because it was really happening. His brother was really going to propose. 

  It's a few days into Hanami when Hanzo suggests that they go to the park that evening, since there was sure to be a celebration well into the night. Jesse is all for it, and Genji is too, but that's only because he knows the surprise Hanzo has for Jesse. He's got his phone ready to get a bunch of cute pictures, that's for sure. They head to the park in the late afternoon, finding a good spot below a few trees, sitting down and watching the people mill about the park, enjoying the sights and the smells of a festival. Jesse is living it up, feeling really relaxed and ready to spend time with his boys. By the time night falls, the park is lit up with lanterns hung on various trees, and the parties are getting a little louder, and some people are even preparing fireworks.

  The three of them move into a clearing in the park to watch, and Hanzo decides that he'll propose once the fireworks start. It was scenic, it was nice and exciting…what better time? He's got the ring box in his coat pocket, and his heart was pounding just a bit. He looks at Jesse, who's just looking up at the night sky, eagerly waiting for the fireworks. The moon was full, and the light was shining on Jesse, illuminating him in a way that made Hanzo's heart skip a beat. He was beautiful, under the moonlight. He thinks back to all those years ago, out on that damn balcony one night, and he remembers Jesse looking just as beautiful as he does now. Hanzo is sure that he wants to spend the rest of his life with this man. 

  He's caught staring when Jesse turns his head a bit, and he chuckles, leaning over and kissing him. “You're starin’,” He murmurs, pulling back. “You okay?”

  Hanzo clears his throat, nodding a bit. “Mm, yes, I'm fine. You just…look really beautiful,” He says quietly, and Jesse rolls his eyes a bit, grinning. 

  “Thanks, darlin’. You do too.” He gently brushes Hanzo's hair behind his ear before pressing a kiss to his forehead. Genji can't help but put a hand to his heart. God, they really were adorable…

  The first firework makes most everyone jump a bit, and laughter spreads throughout the park because of it. Hanzo, though, can't take his eyes off Jesse, who seems pretty damn excited to see the fireworks, like he hasn't seen them before. He's laughing as the different colors splash different lights on his face. Red, blue, purple, green, all making him glow. He claps, grinning at all the amazing different patterns he's seeing in the sky. And then...Hanzo drops to one knee, taking a shaky breath.

  Jesse turns to get Hanzo to look at the fireworks, and when he doesn't see him beside him, he spares a glance down and sees him there on one knee, a ring box in his hand. Instantly, his heart leaps into his throat, and he can't breathe for a second. What? Was this- was this really happening right now..? “Hanzo…what are you…” His voice trails off, and he actually has to fight back tears. Oh, he knew he'd cry if this ever happened.

  “Jesse…" Hanzo begins the little speech he'd gone over in his head time and time again, wanting it to sound just right. "I've been in love with you for over a decade. Despite our differences when we first met, despite everything we've ever gone through, despite all the arguments and the fights, I'm still in love with you. There are many things I've done to you that I will never forgive myself for, and that I don't expect you to forgive me for either. You are the love of my life, Jesse, and it's taken me a long time to figure out who I am and what I want, and after seeing you again a year ago, after being with you and being close to you again I've realized that…maybe I don't want to be what I thought I did when I was younger. Maybe…I just want to be yours. Now, and for the rest of my life. So…” He opens the ring box, and Jesse crosses his arms and stifles a smile, the tears slipping down his cheeks now as the happiness and the love blooms inside his heart like the cherry blossom trees around him. “Jesse, will you do me the honor of marrying me?”

  Jesse can't find the words for a moment, having choked up. Genji stands beside them, his camera open. They've gathered the attention of other people viewing the fireworks, and they're all watching them now, eager to see what's going on. Jesse looks down at Hanzo, and he lets out a little laugh, quickly wiping his eyes. “Hanzo, darlin’, nothing would make me happier,” He says through his laughter, and he drops to his knees in front of Hanzo and wraps his arms around his neck, pulling him into a kiss. The people around them start clapping and cheering, and Genji takes a picture or two before he puts his phone away, clapping with everyone else. After Jesse pulls away and they stand up, Hanzo chuckles quietly, giving him another quick kiss. He takes his hand and slides the ring on his finger, his hand shaking just a little as he does. Jesse looks at him, gaze soft, a small smile on his lips. “...I love you, Hanzo, with all my heart,” He says quietly, just loud enough for the two of them to hear. Hanzo squeezes his hand, smiling back at him.

  “I love you too.”

 

***

 

  “Ya know, I wouldn't have minded a diamond,” Jesse murmurs as they lie in bed that same evening, his body warm and fuzzy after a good celebratory roll between the sheets. He holds up his hand to inspect the ring in the dim light of their bedside lamp, and Hanzo curls up next to him, resting his head on his chest. He looks up at his hand with him, pursing his lips. 

  After a beat of silence, Hanzo looks at Jesse. “Would you like one?” He asks, shifting a bit and turning over onto his stomach so he can look at Jesse more easily, keeping his head on his chest. “It's no problem.” Jesse shakes his head, laughing a little.

  “No, no, darlin’, this is perfect.” He gently runs a hand through Hanzo's sex-tousled hair, grinning. “It's perfect.” Hanzo smiles softly, nodding a bit. 

  He hums quietly, pressing a soft kiss to Jesse's chest. “You really want to marry me?” He asks quietly, looking at him, and Jesse nods right away.

  “Yup, I sure do, sweetheart,” He murmurs, softly booping him on the nose. “You can ask me a thousand times and I'm always gonna say yes.” He wraps his arms around his waist and pulls him completely on top of him. “Yes, yes, yes.” 

  Hanzo chuckles quietly and leans down to kiss him, cupping his face. “...I can't wait to start my life with you, Jesse,” He whispers. “I truly can't.” He strokes his cheeks with his thumbs.

  Jesse looks up at him, his brown eyes shining in the dim light of the room. Hanzo swears he's never seen such a look of pure admiration and love in his eyes before, and it sends a hot thrill through him. God, Jesse really did love him. “I can't wait either, darlin’.” He leans up to kiss his cheek. “So.” He abruptly sits up, keeping Hanzo held in his lip.

  Surprised, Hanzo grips Jesse's shoulders. “What?” He asks, confused by Jesse's sudden little burst of energy.

  “Let's talk wedding plans.” He grins at Hanzo, who relaxes and rolls his eyes, smirking. 

  “Of course. Have you ever thought about your wedding, when you were a child?” He asks, looking at him. “I'm not going to lie…I have, just a little.” He admits quietly, blushing a bit, and Jesse laughs. 

  “Oh, now that's too cute. But nah, I didn't. I thought I'd end up marryin’ some girl who’d do all the plannin’ for me. So I never thought about it.” He shrugs, and Hanzo laughs, nudging him a bit. 

  “Well, I suppose you got lucky, because you're marrying a man who will gladly do  _ most _ of the planning for you, if you wish. I want this to be an amazing day we will never forget, Jesse, and I fully intend on it being perfect.” He's suddenly very serious, no more playfulness on his face or in his words. Jesse, surprised, raises both his eyebrows. 

  “...well, Hanzo, sweetheart, I believe you one hundred percent, but it'll be perfect no matter what.” He smiles, still a bit surprised at Hanzo's seriousness. “So, tell me. What do you have in mind?” He asks, lying back down again, expecting Hanzo to come with him. Instead, Hanzo gets up and pulls on his boxers, beginning to pace the room thoughtfully. Jesse just watches in confusion, but doesn't ask him to come back to bed, figuring there was no point since it didn't look like Hanzo was ready to relax anymore. 

  Hanzo finally speaks after a moment. “I love Hanami, I'm sure I've said this before, and I think it would be very romantic to get married under the tree we've got in our yard while the blossoms fall.” He's got this dreamy look on his face as he walks around, and it makes Jesse's heart swell. “Very picturesque, it would make for some very nice wedding photos, wouldn't you think?” He asks, and before Jesse can answer, he continues speaking. “That, however, is negotiable if you have a different time in mind. I don't mind when we have it.”

  “Alright then, darlin’. That's just fine.”

  “And I'm sure it will be a very intimate occasion. Neither of us have any true connections outside of business, so,” He chuckles. “the guest list is going to be  _ very  _ small.”

  “Hanzo, I do have friends at the Overwatch base back in the States.”

  “Mm, okay. Arrangements can definitely be made for guests, then. No worries.” He waves a hand dismissively. He continues to chatter on about various aspects of the wedding he thinks they need to go over. Jesse had no idea he'd be so into the whole wedding planning thing, but after a moment of thought, it makes sense. Hanzo was very into details and took pleasure from making sure everything was just right. Jesse should've known. 

  Jesse watches him pace and talk, absolutely endeared by him. Jesse knows for sure that he wouldn't ever want to marry someone else. Hanzo was…Hanzo was absolutely perfect for him, and he was all he wanted. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't worry, there's still one last chapter folks! get ready for a wedding, you're all invited


	19. The End

  Genji carefully made sure Hanzo's kimono fell correctly and attractively, gently picking at the fabric so there were no unnecessary creases or folds. He turns Hanzo to face towards the floor mirror they were standing in front of, then stands up on his toes to pull Hanzo's hair back and up into a bun. Hanzo lets him, knowing Genji would probably get over emotional if he didn't have anything to put his attention on. Hanzo smiles at Genji through the mirror, and Genji smiles right back at him. Once he ties the ribbon around Hanzo's bun, he steps back and puts his hands on his hips, still looking at Hanzo through the mirror. “So…what do you think?” He asks quietly, smiling a bit.

  Hanzo stares at his reflection, taking in the fact he was actually getting ready for his wedding right now. He swallows hard, locking eyes with Genji through the mirror again. “Good. It's good,” Is all he manages to say before taking a breath and turning away. “...I can do this, right?” He asks his brother, looking worried. Genji sighs and pulls him in for a hug, no longer worried about any wrinkles on Hanzo's kimono. 

  “Yes you can. Because you love him,” He whispers, giving him a squeeze. “And he loves you.” He leans away, gripping his shoulders. He smiles softly and gently brushes a hand across Hanzo's cheek. “I'm going to go check on him, okay? He’s, um…getting ready by himself, I want to make sure he hasn't messed anything up…” He turns away and heads out, leaving Hanzo alone.

  Hanzo looks at himself again, looks at himself in the traditional kimono he never thought he'd see himself in. It was odd to him now that after everything he'd put Jesse through, that man still wanted to marry him. After a decade apart and heartbreaking fight between them, it seemed almost impossible. Yet here they were, just minutes away from being married. He could hardly believe it, but honestly? He couldn't be happier. 

  He truly was in love with him, and he thinks, deep down, he always has been, even if he hated to admit it to himself, and even if he tried to deny it for quite a while. Confessing to Jesse and being with him was the best decision he'd ever made. Giving that man his heart was easy. Now, he just hoped that Jesse would keep it. He hoped that this would work, and that it'd go well, and that they'd be happy. 

  His father would've never accepted such a union. He never would've allowed Hanzo to marry another man, especially when a blood heir was needed to carry on the Shimada name. Even so, Hanzo wanted to laugh at his father. He wanted to show him that this was what made him happy, not being the leader of some criminal empire. Jesse made him happy.

  Jesse was the light of his life, no doubt. 

 

***

 

  Jesse stands in front of the mirror he'd been given. He solemnly stares at his reflection as he ties his tie- blue, since it was Hanzo's favorite color. He was sad today, and he hated it. When he was younger, he always pictured Gabriel here, helping him fix his tie, his hair, making sure he looked presentable. He always imagined that Gabriel would be there beside him as he got married to the love of his life. He imagined that his dad would be proud of him for hooking such an amazing man. As he straightens his tie, he has to resist the urge to let himself cry a little bit. Losing Gabriel hurt like a mother fucker to this day, despite everything. And…now he was dead. And now, here he was, getting ready for his wedding alone.

  A knock on the door makes Jesse turn his head, and when Genji walks in, he can't help but smile. “Hey there,” He murmurs, and Genji grins, walking over. 

  “Are you ready, Jesse?” He asks and Jesse takes a deep breath, putting his hands on his hips.

  “As I'll ever be,” He admits, looking at Genji. He hopes he doesn't look upset. The last thing he needed was Genji thinking he was upset right now, even if he  _ was  _ upset. Genji crosses his arms.

  “Is everything okay?” He asks, looking a bit concerned. “You look sad.” Damnit. Jesse sighs.

  “Um…I'm just…Kinda sad I don't got my family here. Gabriel…he shoulda been here, ya know? He was all I had back then. I always imagined him helpin’ me get ready and shit like that. That probably sounds real stupid, don't it?” He asks, smiling sadly. Genji shakes his head. 

  “No, no, not at all,” He murmurs. “He was your father. It makes sense. Although, you probably don't want the Gabriel we last encountered here…” He shifts a bit, offering him a little smile. 

  Jesse laughs, shaking his head. “No. The Gabriel we used to know. Back before y'all left,” He takes a seat on the couch in the room, and Genji sits next to him. “Back when Hanzo and I were still together, I used to imagine how our wedding would be. Because I loved him, and I was so damn  _ sure  _ that we'd get married someday. And back then I used to imagine Gabriel helpin’ me get ready, givin’ me pep talks and talkin’ about how proud he is of me.” He sighs sadly. “I guess I'm just bummed I don't got much family anymore.” He looks down at his lap, folding his hands.

  Genji stays quiet for a moment before he puts an arm around Jesse and pulls him close. “You've got me. I know it's not the same as having your father here, but…” He sighs, offering a small smile. "You've also got the folks from Overwatch. They'd been very happy to receive the invitation, you know." His words trail off into silence. Jesse looks at him, smiling as his eyes start to shine with unshed tears.

  “You guys are all I need now, Genji. Promise.” He turns fully the pull him into a hug, nuzzling him a bit, and Genji hugs him right back. They're interrupted when a man Genji doesn't remember the name of walks in. Jesse seems to light up a bit when he sees him, and the man waves a bit. 

  “Hey, Jesse,” He says, smiling. “Can I talk to you?” He asks, and Jesse looks at Genji, nodding to him, telling him it's okay to leave. Genji nods and heads out after one last hug, and Jesse smiles. 

  “Jack, hey. Glad you could make it,” He says, holding out his hand. Jack ignores it and goes right in for a hug, keeping him held close. Jesse is surprised, but he hugs him back, sighing quietly. Jack Morrison was his superior, and the man in charge. He and Jesse had bonded quite a bit over the years, whenever Jesse would work missions with Overwatch. 

  “Wouldn't miss it, kid.” He steps back and looks Jesse over. Then, he reaches forward and adjusts Jesse's tie a bit, which makes Jesse's heart leap. “So, how are you feeling, huh?” He asks, tightening his tie, making sure it's not too tight though. Jesse swallows hard, getting a little choked up. 

  “I'm-” He clears his throat. “-I'm great. Excited,” He murmurs, smiling. Jack smiles and nods, looking Jesse over. 

  “Well, you look great,” His voice is rough but soft at the same time, and it's clear to Jesse that he care. “...tell me what's going through your head, kid,” Jack requests quietly, sitting Jesse down. “Something’s up.” 

  Jesse suddenly can't look at him, and he bows his head, staring at his lap. “I know…that I can't remember very much about us anymore. Or about Overwatch.” His injury really did block out quite a bit of his memory; he was just glad he remembered everyone. “But I do remember that…after all that shit went down with Gabe, you were there for me. You knew what it was like losin’ someone so close to you. You helped me through that. And…I can't thank you enough for bein’ here.” He looks up at Jack, who can only offer a sad smile. 

  “No need to thank me. I guess I just thought that after he left us, it was sort of my responsibility to look after you, to keep you safe. Now, I don't know if he ever told you this, but, um…” Jack takes a deep breath. He hadn't admitted this to anyone really, besides Ana. In fact…maybe he hadn't really admitted it to himself. “Gabriel and I…we used to be together. You know, like, ah…boyfriends, I guess.”

  Jesse's eyes widen. “You- you were the one Gabe was seein’?” He asks, shocked. “He never told me who it was, he just-  _ wow _ .”

  Jack can't help but laugh a little, a bit embarrassed. “Yeah, that was me. Believe me when I say losing someone you love so much is really, really hard. He broke my heart. And when he left you, he broke yours. See, I know that Gabriel was a good man. I just don't think he knew how to maintain relationships if he wasn't in control of them. I don't doubt for a second that he used to love you, because I know he did. But…I should've seen it coming. Regardless…since he can't be here for you right now…I figured I'd step in. Is that okay?”

  Okay, here come the waterworks. Jesse hugs Jack tightly, fighting the urge to actually  _ cry _ . Hearing all this just made Jesse's heart ache, but not necessarily in a bad way. He couldn't be more grateful that after everything went down with Gabriel, Jack was still there, and he was here now. Jack hugs him right back, gently rubbing his back to try and comfort him. “Thank you,” Jesse murmurs before sniffling. 

  Jack chuckles quietly. “No problem.” He pats his back. “Now, are you ready to get married, kid?” Jack asks quietly, leaning back and looking at Jesse nods, smiling.

  “Definitely.” 

***

 

  There weren't many people sitting in the yard around the cherry blossom tree behind the Shimada castle. Jesse knew all of them, even if it took a few seconds to put a face to the name now. Lena, a bright young woman with a gorgeous smile, hops down the aisle, tossing flower petals around, clearly having the time of her life. Angela and Ana, both medics, are chuckling as they watch her, amused that she's having so much fun, and Reinhardt gives a loud clap, cheering her on. Hana, in a soft pink dress, walks down the aisle, her head held high. She's got a ring box in her hand, containing both wedding bands. She'd happily tagged along for the wedding, especially when she was told she could walk down the aisle. Being able to give them their rings was just a bonus. 

  Jesse grabs Jack's arm when it's held out to him, and he takes a shaky breath. “Ready, kid?” Jack whispers, and Jesse nods, smiling.

  “Mhm.” He nods again, and Jack takes a breath and starts walking Jesse out. Everyone stands and turns to watch them. Jesse grins, waving a bit, then giving a thumbs up, making everyone chuckle. Lena lets out a whoop of excitement, and Jesse can't help but laugh. Jack pats Jesse's shoulder once he's at the head of the aisle. He then stands next to him, folding his hands in front of him. Jesse takes a deep breath, his heart starting to beat faster, eagerly waiting for Hanzo to start walking over.

  Genji takes his brother's hand, squeezing it. It was their turn to head up the aisle now. Genji looks at him. “...don't look so nervous. You're about to marry the love of your life right now,” He reminds him with a small smile. Hanzo nods slowly, taking a calming breath. 

  “Alright. Let's go,” He whispers, and Genji nods, starting to walk Hanzo down the aisle. He grins, especially when he sees Jesse's reaction to seeing Hanzo. 

  Jesse swears his heart skips a beat. God, Hanzo looked beautiful. Confident. Strong. Ready. Jesse couldn't believe he was marrying such an amazing man. 

  Hanzo tries to be as confident in his steps as he can, and once he finally meets with Jesse, he smiles. Genji places Hanzo's hand in Jesse's, and Jesse brings it up to kiss it. “Hey, darlin’,” He whispers, and Hanzo chuckles. 

  “Hi,” He whispers back, squeezing Jesse's hand. Genji sighs happily and stands in front of the two of them. He decided that he'd be the one to marry them, no questions asked. He folds his hands behind his back. 

  “Good afternoon, everyone, we're so glad that you all could make it. I hope everything is to your liking. We’re gathered here today to celebrate the love and the union of Jesse McCree and Hanzo Shimada.” He gestures to the two of them. ”The grooms have written their own vows, so I'll let them…” He takes a couple steps back, his voice trailing off a bit. 

  Everyone's attention is firmly set on the two of them, eager to hear the heartfelt things the two were going to say to each other. Jesse decides to go first, and he takes a deep breath, looking into Hanzo's soft brown eyes that were looking at him such a fondness it made Jesse's heart melt. “Hanzo…I love you. I truly do. And…don't take this the wrong way, but I had some really great vows written and memorized, but um…ya know, my memory ain't what it used to be,” He teases, grinning. Hanzo just smiles a bit, shaking his head. “What I do remember, though, is that I want you to know you're the love of my life. And it's been that way ever since we were younger. Startin’ this new life with you, bein’ with you,  _ lovin’ _ you, has gotta be the best thing I've ever experienced in my whole life. No matter what we've been through, I'm always gonna love you, darlin’.” He closes off his vows, and there are a few ‘aw’s in the small crowd in front of them. Behind him, Jesse can hear Jack sniffle, and beside him, Genji does too. 

  Hanzo chuckles fondly, squeezing Jesse's hands, fighting back tears. “Jesse McCree, you ruined my life in the best way possible.” He tries to talk past the lump in his throat. “You…you turned my life upside down when we met. You made me question what I once thought was right. You loved me like nobody has loved me before. I may have ruined that before, and I may have been selfish. But I promise you now that I will  _ never  _ hurt you like that again. I will do everything in my power to make sure of it. You are the love of my life, too, and I only saw myself standing up here with you in my dreams before. It's an honor to be marrying you now, Jesse.” Hanzo gives him a soft smile, and Jesse can't help it as he tears up, his chest feeling tight and warm. He was so, so in love. And Hanzo could say the same as a couple tears make their way down his cheeks. 

  Jesse can't help it- he leans over and kisses him, earning a few laughs from the crowd. Hanzo kisses him back for a second before he pulls away, chuckling. “Let Genji- let him say the things, before you kiss me,” He whispers, amused, and Jesse nods slightly, grinning. Genji laughs a little, gesturing from Hana to come over. She hands a ring to Hanzo, bowing. Hanzo smiles and bows back, thanking her quietly.

  “Hanzo, do you take Jesse to be your husband?” He asks Hanzo, who can't take his eyes off Jesse. He nods firmly.

  “I do,” He murmurs, sliding the ring onto Jesse's finger. Genji then looks at Jesse as Hana hands him the other ring, smiling excitedly. Jesse gives her a quiet ‘thank you’ before he turns to Hanzo.

  “And Jesse, do you take Hanzo to be your husband?”

  Jesse grins slides the ring onto Hanzo's finger. Then, he pulls Hanzo close, eliciting a gasp and an amused laugh from the other man. “I sure as hell do, Genji,” Jesse says before dipping Hanzo and kissing him. The crowd laughs and claps as they kiss, and there are definitely a lot of tears amongst everyone. Jesse pulls back only a little as he stands Hanzo up again. “Hanzo…I love you, darlin’,” He whispers, just loud enough so only the two of them can hear it. 

  Hanzo brings a hand up to softly caress Jesse's cheek. He rests their foreheads together, letting his hand take Jesse's again. “I love you too. With all my heart.” 

 

***

 

  Hanzo sits alone under the tree, watching the reception festivities. Jesse was dancing with Hana, twirling her around a bit, seemingly having a great time, especially when Lena joins in. Hanzo enjoyed seeing him smile like that. He enjoyed watching him smile and be happy with people he's grown to love, people that were family to him. It warmed his heart, truly. He's so focused on his new husband that he almost doesn't notice Genji taking a seat next to him. He glances over, then smiles a bit. “I'm in love with him,” He murmurs without hesitation, looking back at Jesse. 

  Genji laughs, nudging him. “I know you are, Hanzo,” He says quietly, looking at him. “How does it feel? Being married to him now?” He asks, and Hanzo is quiet for a moment before he sighs, a small smile on his face. 

  “It feels…light. Happy, warm, good. It feels like the best feeling I've ever felt,” He answers honestly, never taking his eyes off Jesse, who's started talking to Ana and Reinhardt. 

  Genji smiles, taking Hanzo's hand. “I can see how much you love him. I've always been able to, you know…when we were younger I knew you didn't want to leave. And maybe it's my fault that I didn't stop you.” He sighs, and Hanzo quickly shakes his head. 

  “No, absolutely not. It's not your fault. To be honest, I would not have listened to you.” He looks at him. “I would not have listened to anyone. Everything was my fault.” He shrugs slightly. ”I'm just happy that…it's all better now. And we're happy. I couldn't be more grateful that we've been able to move past all that happened before.”

  Genji nods a bit. “I'm happy, too. It's amazing, seeing you happy again. I'm thankful every day that you're happy. You deserve it. You both do.” He rests his head on Hanzo's shoulder, sighing. Hanzo rests his head on top of Genji's, smiling slightly. He doesn't respond any more, just enjoying this time with his brother.

  A little while later, Jesse walks over with Angela on his arm. He grins. “Genji, you know Angela, right?” He asks, and Genji sits up straight, looking at her, and Angela waves sheepishly.

  “Hi,” She says quietly, and Genji stands up. 

  “Ah, I met her when she and the others arrived but I don't think we've been properly introduced.” He smiles nervously, bowing. “Genji Shimada. A pleasure to meet you.” 

  Angela smiles, chuckling. “Angela Zeigler, a pleasure to meet you too,” She says cheerfully. She and Genji walk off to talk, and Jesse sighs and takes Genji's seat next to Hanzo.

  He looks at his husband, smiling. “I think they'll hit it off,” He says, leaning against his knees. Hanzo nods in agreement. 

  “She seems like a nice woman,” He tells him, and Jesse nods.

  “Oh, she's wonderful. I think Genji's gonna love her. I figured a girl would be the perfect way to get him away so I could talk to you.” He looks at him a playful grin on his face. “You're my fuckin’ husband, can you believe that?” He asks through laughter, and Hanzo chuckles, shaking his head. 

  “It's odd, but it's a good feeling. We’re actually married…” He sighs, smiling. Jesse nods slowly. 

  He doesn't think he could be happier, and neither does Hanzo. If you'd told Jesse thirteen years ago he'd be married to some guy who wouldn't even give him the time of day when they met, he wouldn't believe you. And if you told Hanzo he'd be married to a man in a ridiculous get up who insisted on pestering him when they met, he'd say you were crazy. Yet, here they were. And, if they were both being honest?

  Neither of them would change a thing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah, here we are. the end. 19 chapters and 50k+ words later, we've finished it. the guys have their happy ending, and it feels good. this is my longest work ever, both in chapters and words, and I'm actually very surprised I finished it.  
> it's been a pleasure writing this, and I'm thankful for every one of my readers. a special thanks to the two folks who have commented on every single chapter, you two have kept me inspired and motivated to keep going and finish writing! y'all know who you are. I'm so happy that I could bring you ALL a story I loved writing.  
> once again, thank you everyone for sticking with this, and I hope you all enjoyed it! I have another fic in the works, so I hope you keep an eye out for it ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ!!!  
> see y'all next time!


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